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Open Poetry #12
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Lady In White
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since 2001-02-12
Posts 2799
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0 posted 2001-03-13 10:15 PM


Freedom to Breathe

she said,
"go ahead, my love, breathe"
and he
looked at her
caught up his thinking,
"that is what I do not do…"
and he breathed…

she said,
"breathing is a freedom"
and he thought of that
and then of her,
and said
"it is what I do not have"
and he breathed….instead

~*~

I can never get away
from what it is they want
I can never lift my head
from their teasing taunts

all I want is some freedom
that, and sweet release
all I really want is time
and the freedom then to breathe…

~*~

he said,
"what is it that you want?"
and she looked at
him, thinking…
"away from your taunts,
away from the lies, and
all the evil ways,"
and she breathed, blinking…

he said
"let's get us back to then,
when everything was good"
as if his words would
wipe the past
as if his best of could
would come again, and release
the precious substance of her breathe…

~*~

she said in confidence
to her friend who paced,
"you really need some space
and be able to breathe again,"
her friend nodded,
and in three-quarter time,
she listened with confidence
and began breathing in her mind

her friend lightly laughed
his friend, he laughed too,
said together "we are one ~
why, look at the two of you…."
and the two of them
they turned and looked
from all that they were running from
wondering from where it had all begun

~*~

he looked at his past,
and wanted "away"
she looked at hers,
and said to him "stay"
he looked at her, and said
"I will"
she looked at him, and said
"until…"

he said "no, we are
one and one
as of here,
and now,"
she asked
"and can you tell
me,
please tell me, how?"

~*~

he said to her
"breathe with me"
and she listened
and breathed, mightily…
and drew him in
to her, in love
and looked upward
toward the sky above

said to him
"in your eyes
I breathe in more
than I can realize,"
he said to her
this is what can be,
and they both breathed,
more than ever, most steadily….

and reveled
in the freedom to breathe


write with grace, all others lose face;
"Jo was very tall, thin, ... and reminded one of a colt..." LMA

© Copyright 2001 Lady In White - All Rights Reserved
Honeybee
Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372
Ontario, CANADA
1 posted 2001-03-13 10:46 PM



Wow - extremely well expressed!~
Wonderful flow, phrasing and personal reflection. The ending gave me a sigh of relief, it's good to see you find freedom

Take care,
Melissa~


The beauty of poetry gives my soul wings to fly free within dreams

~Melissa P. Monette~



VAS
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450
Oregon
2 posted 2001-03-13 11:51 PM


a superb freedom...free to be one flesh

lovely, dear

bslicker
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since 2000-12-04
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state of mind
3 posted 2001-03-14 12:31 PM


Breath in the freedom.

Bernie


Bernie Slicker

Allan Riverwood
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since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502
Winnipeg
4 posted 2001-03-14 10:01 AM


This is the best poem I've seen all day so far, so it's going into my personal library.
You chose a magnificent theme- the concept of breathing. Something so mundane, but so important. We don't take the time to notice that we even are breathing, but if we weren't, we'd die.
Absolutely wonderful. I have tried writing poems on such a theme, but not enough words rhyme with "breathe."
The story of this was also well done. The fact that it was written in past tense gave it a more storylike feel.
I'll definitely keep reading your work.
~Allan

If I had your eyes, I'd be blind. For I can only see out of my own. ~~Carly Van Dort


ethome
Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada
5 posted 2001-03-14 10:05 AM


"breathing is a freedom"
and he thought of that
and then of her,
and said
"it is what I do not have"
and he breathed….instead

clever write! I really enjoyed this very much!

The poet is like a cocoon; in him the caterpillar of the past finds rest, and from him the butterfly of the future emerges.

Wilfred Yeats
Member Elite
since 2000-08-04
Posts 2704
Wilmington, Delaware
6 posted 2001-03-14 10:11 AM


"all I want is some freedom
that, and sweet release
all I really want is time
and the freedom then to breathe…"

You dance through time - and breathing - and it all makes sense - May the future hold what you desire

Red-uni
Member
since 2000-07-30
Posts 192
Georgia, USA
7 posted 2001-03-15 11:09 AM


Wonderful poem, wonderfully explain one of life's blessings. ...To breath freedom.
Thanks,
RED

Marsha
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Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423
Maidstone Kent England
8 posted 2001-03-19 03:29 PM


Lady this is utterly truly fabulous, I love it
Take care love as always
Puck

Take back the hope you gave,- I claim
Only a memory of the same
Robert Browning



Saunni
Senior Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 1777
West Virginia
9 posted 2001-03-21 08:24 PM


This is amazingly beautiful. You found the words that are so hard to find. A great write.

Sauni

Sauni :)
Have you ever known the color grey when the nighttime finds you weak
I have, I've walked that road each time; that's where my angel sleeps

Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
10 posted 2001-03-21 11:01 PM


OK...I'm breathless
Lady In White
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since 2001-02-12
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USA
11 posted 2001-03-22 12:16 PM


It is indeed insightful as to what some of you read within the lines...as evidenced by your responses. Thank you all!
PoeticKnight
Senior Member
since 2000-01-20
Posts 1144
New Orleans, LA
12 posted 2001-03-22 04:49 PM


I was gonna say I'm left breathless, but that's been said. This reminds me of a poem of mine called Heart To Heart. I have my own interpretation, but will keep it to myself. Oh, how i loved this, mysterious Lady in White. *S*
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