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Open Poetry #12
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Sven
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA

0 posted 2001-03-13 01:15 PM


sitting here on the shore
of the great sea
I watch the play of the moonlight
on the water
the subtle shades of indigo and black
melding with the crystal
to make the color of life

off in the distance,
I hear the last of the lightings
as their final notes
yield to the cold melancholy
of the starsingers
filling my mind with memories
and taking my heart on their wings

it has been 2 meres since I last
heard your voice here
that long since I've been back
I never really wanted to return
without you
I wanted us to come back together

come back here to where it all began
where the alazelles ran wild and free
where the wister grew in the fields
its scent filling the air like a blessing
of the holiest incense
sanctifying this place for only you and I

we ran and we played
we grew and we learned
we loved and we lost
we were going to be here forever
until you said you were leaving
to pursue The Life

I begged you not to
The Life being only for those who
would dedicate themselves to it
those who would lose themselves
to become part of the greater good
I did not want that for you
I wanted you to become a part of me
not a part of The Life

but you had made up your mind
this is what I must do you said
but what about us I said
what about me?  do you not care?
I'm sorry Miov, you said
Miov. . . that was your name for me
it was an old word,
it meant 'the one I love'
and that was I. . .
I was the one you loved
and I was in love with you

I did not come to watch you go
I could not bear the sight
leaving all behind to join The Life
leaving me behind
how could you?
I loved you. .  .

and now,
the second moon rises again
just like it did on that night
that night where you became me
and I became you
The Union fulfilled. . .

and on that night
we named the second moon

Miov. . .

-------------------------------------------------------------------



To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

© Copyright 2001 John Garcia - All Rights Reserved
Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136
Mobile, AL
1 posted 2001-03-13 01:59 PM


Wow! You've been busy, and I love your poetry when you've been busy! Nice to read your words today!
OLIAS
Senior Member
since 2000-06-20
Posts 1090
Pearl city Iowa
2 posted 2001-03-13 02:04 PM


Ohhh I like this, it works on so many levels, a piece of writing within its own right but could also be part of something greater, it reminds me very much of some of the short stories by Asimov and Clark. I enjoyed it very much and hope to read more.
Thank you.

Regards,
Olias.

Irish Rose
Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263

3 posted 2001-03-13 04:00 PM


Ok, I'm impressed, Sven, this is free verse begging to be free, it's fine verse, please offer more in the future, it is a story and poetry IS a story.

Kathleen Blake

"When red-haired girls scamper like roses over the rain-green grass,
and the sun drips honey."
Laurie Lee


Lone Wolf
Member Ascendant
since 2000-03-16
Posts 5842
Lansing, MI USA
4 posted 2001-03-13 06:17 PM


Nicely written, Sven. A captivating story for sure.

Well done


Poetry should surprise by fine excess...it should strike the reader as a wording of his own highest thoughts and appear almost a remembrance. -J.Keats

Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley
5 posted 2001-03-13 06:54 PM


Enjoyed this!!! Congrats on the big 7000!!
Just A Woman
Senior Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 507

6 posted 2001-03-13 08:20 PM


To visit the past to heal, to perhaps say goodbye. This was beautiful. Gentle and deep, reflective and heartfelt.



After years of searching, I have found I am nothing more, nothing less...I am in truth Just A Woman after all.

doreen peri
Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812
Virginia
7 posted 2001-03-13 08:51 PM


"we ran and we played
we grew and we learned
we loved and we lost
we were going to be here forever
until you said you were leaving"


forever is a hard thing to hold onto, isn't it? ... this, my friend, is lovely.... poignant... perfectly phrased.... i love it....

JLR
Senior Member
since 2001-02-04
Posts 1785

8 posted 2001-03-13 08:54 PM


I believe this is the most romantic piece I have read! And I think you may be near the 'white' here. Perhaps still with questions, but nonetheless...near. I love this and perhaps I, too, will travel soon. When I do, I will have this poem in my pocket. Thank you.
JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
9 posted 2001-03-14 05:22 AM


Simply fantastic...James
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
10 posted 2001-03-14 09:35 AM


A beauteous write....a lovely story....a thrilling way to post 7000!
nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
11 posted 2001-03-14 09:41 AM


melding with the crystal
to make the color of life

your words were beautiful, Sven

~Wynter


"The worst prison would be a closed heart".
...Pope John Paul II



Allan Riverwood
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502
Winnipeg
12 posted 2001-03-14 10:29 AM


Absoulutely amazing! The last stanza really made me smile solemnly. This was such an emotional piece... it gave me goosebumps!
~Allan

If I had your eyes, I'd be blind. For I can only see out of my own. ~~Carly Van Dort


1slick_lady
Member Ascendant
since 2000-12-22
Posts 6088
standing on a shadow's lace
13 posted 2001-03-14 12:56 PM


Sven.........so sad
I did not come to watch you go.....
....................smooches.... helen

Sven
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA
14 posted 2001-03-14 01:03 PM


Temptress, indeed I have been busy. . . going like a wind!!  thank you. . .

Olias, thank you. . . that's indeed where I was going with this one. . . I've been re-reading Dune, and the phrase "the second moon" just stuck in my head. . . this is the result. . .

Kathleen, you know that I'll be sure to offer more of this in the future. . . thank you my friend. . .

LW, thank you. . . glad that you enjoyed. . . and yes, it's a neat story isn't it???

deVine, thank you my friend!!!  

Just A Woman, thank you. . . sometimes, we have to say goodbye to the past to say hello to the future. . .

doreen, yes. . .forever is a hard thing to hold on to, but that doesn't stop us from trying does it??  thank you my friend. . . I'm glad that you enjoyed. . .

JLR, that you would use my words to keep with you is an honor that I am indeed humbled by. . . I'll send you the directions if I see the "white". . . thank you. . .  

James, thank you my friend. . .

Sunshine, I'm glad that you liked it. . . something a little different. . . but yet, the same. . .

Wynter, thank you. . . I'm honored. . .  

Allan, wow. . . goosebumps???  thank you!!!

helen, thank you. . . but not that sad. . .

---------------------------------------------------------------



To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

catalinamoon
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543
The Shores of Alone
15 posted 2001-03-14 09:11 PM


Oh my, this is an amazing story. Beautifully told, and how sad. I'm sorry if you have had to live this.
Luv
S

ethome
Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada
16 posted 2001-03-15 06:08 AM


I really like this one Sven....I can imagine the scenes that you are expressing in the virtuality of your words.......so very moonlight lonely......

"sitting here on the shore
of the great sea
I watch the play of the moonlight
on the water
the subtle shades of indigo and black
melding with the crystal
to make the color of life"

A great introduction!

"come back here to where it all began
where the alazelles ran wild and free
where the wister grew in the fields
its scent filling the air like a blessing
of the holiest incense
sanctifying this place for only you and I"

now that's beautiful poetry!

"and now,
the second moon rises again
just like it did on that night
that night where you became me
and I became you
The Union fulfilled. . .

and on that night
we named the second moon

Miov. . ."

And what a fabulous ending!

Keep up the good work my friend. This one is one of my favourites of yours if not the best!


serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

17 posted 2001-03-15 06:13 AM


ethome said it---it was the loneliness that was so prevalant in this piece...guess it's why it's spoke so deeply to ME...sigh.. lovely work here sven
CocoBaci
Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 3043

18 posted 2001-03-15 12:29 PM


Sven, I was so captivated in reading your poem and once again your talent as writer shines brilliantly...

~coco~
Pssst.... I almost forgot congrats on 7000th sweetie  




[This message has been edited by CocoBaci (edited 03-15-2001).]

Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley
19 posted 2001-03-15 07:07 PM


Excellent!! Had to come back for more.
Moon Dust
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 1999-06-11
Posts 2177
Skelmersdale, UK
20 posted 2001-03-15 08:51 PM


awwwww this is nice

Don't ever give in, if you do you've lost everything you've ever had and everything you hope to gain, but if you carry on your already winning.


Sven
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA
21 posted 2001-03-16 01:09 PM


Sandra, no, I haven't had to live this. . . but I'm sure that there are those that have. . . thank you. . .

ethome, thank you my friend. . . I am so glad that you liked this one. . . I really tried to make it good. . .

serenity, I guess it's just been me lately. . . it's kind of creeping in you know?? Thank you my friend. . .

poetfriend Coco, thank you so much. . . I am glad that you enjoyed. . .

deVine, just couldn't stay away could you?? LOL

Moon Dust, thank you!!!!

--------------------------------------------------------------



To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

Greeneyes
Deputy Moderator 50 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind
22 posted 2001-03-16 10:59 PM


Letters in the Sand on the shore of destiny

this is lovely Sven...




Greeneyes~




***


"Within you I lose myself
Without you I find myself
Wanting to be lost again."
-Unknown



Katherine Chandler
Member
since 2001-03-07
Posts 280
Florida, USA
23 posted 2001-03-16 11:45 PM


I so moved by this poem I began to cry, it all seemed so real to me, sad and yet happy. A poignant read, Sven, you are so very creative in your story-telling. I loved this so very much. Kate

Genuine poetry can communicate before it is understood.
T S Eliot

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