The Wrong Time...a ramble - pipTalk Forums

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nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

0 posted 2001-03-12 05:06 PM

The Wrong Time

Today I awakened feeling strong
but my clock internal, was very wrong.
I am trying with this one not to rhyme
but inside/outside, every time

I try to find the words that won't,
something else makes me stop.
Finally...

I am always able to listen to others
and this last year it has been reversed
ten fold, as my friendships have taken over.
Some there to listen,
Some to advise, which never really panned out.
Some to criticize and some to push me,
force me to see what I could not.

I tried this morning to work towards a goal.
Why can't I do it right now?
Why is it that time halts me,
even my clocks don't chime anymore.
And the blinking ones just continue their pattern,
as I watch the wrong time
in the darkest of the morning hours.

Why must I sleep with the TV on ?
Why should natures sounds seem so loud
and hurtful to me right now?
The birds were singing
and this morning all I wanted
was for them to stop.

The sun was shining through my bedroom windows,
showering me in warmth
and I only wanted to be in the dark.
I don't want my nights to become days.
I don't wish to see clearly around me.

Why can't I move forward right now?
Every step I take places me in a holding pattern
in a place of anxiety, one where medication would help
but would only delay these feelings
that must come out. Tears?
What about tears you say...

My father must be wondering
from above, if I am floating yet.
He use to joke with me
how our home would never have a shortage
of water as long as I lived there.
He knew, maybe he was the only one to know,
how sensitive I was and am to life
and it's harsh lessons.

Continuously they flow today,
maybe a break with a trickle now and then...
but mostly that salty taste
stays on my lips, as it passes over them
reaching my chin before soaking me
in all that remains of my hurt, my pains,
remainders of a forever dream.

I tried to walk out the door
to see the daffodils in bloom,
the birds building their nests,
to take a walk in the light warming air,
to see friendly faces of caring neighbors
who do not know how to approach me
and an invisible wall stopped me.

Now here I am, sitting, reflecting
tears drying, wondering how much longer
before my friend, darkness, arrives...
as the clouds have moved into position,
the sun is going down
and the clocks continue to blink
the wrong time.
~Wynter

"The worst prison would be a closed heart".
...Pope John Paul II

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

1 posted 2001-03-12 05:52 PM

I can relate to the tv constantly on...when I lost my wife thru divorce I always had my tv turned on the trinity broadcasting network..a christian show...it was the only constant...always there for me...and believe me it is a relief... a wonderful feeling to begin to recover from the grief of a divorce.
That was many years ago...
James

Lone Wolf
Member Ascendant

since 2000-03-16

Posts 5842
Lansing, MI USA

2 posted 2001-03-12 11:46 PM

To get to the light we must first embrace the darkness. You'll get there in time. Until then, write and heal.

Lone Wolf

Poetry should surprise by fine excess...it should strike the reader as a wording of his own highest thoughts and appear almost a remembrance. -J.Keats

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