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Bill Charles
Member Patricius

since 2000-07-11

Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now

0 posted 2001-03-11 08:36 AM

“THOUGHTS OF YOU ”
by
Bill Charles
~~~~
When I have thoughts of you, I’m almost in a trance,
like when I’m holding you close,
during a sensuous slow dance…
Our bodies touching, and feeling the warmth of each other,
not wanting to let go,
for this pleasure is one, to another…

My mind isn’t quite clear, perhaps you’ve captured my thought,
haven’t really figured it all out yet,
but I know that I’m caught…
I think of you here, there, and within all of the recesses, of my mind,
and your essence is deep inside me,
in different places, only you can find…

I know about most of my thoughts, but not when they are of you,
and even though I truly try,
my body also, doesn’t know what to do…
My heart starts beating a little faster, and my pulse is so very quick,
I start to shake all over,
and my head feels as if it’s brainsick…

I lie here by your side, hearing all the soft sounds that you make,
and you give your all to me,
everything you have I will take…
I still feel so very different, and strange, with these things you do,
and while we touch, all I know is,
these loving and tender,
“Thoughts Of You”…

~~~~

VAS
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-16

Posts 7450
Oregon

1 posted 2001-03-11 10:22 AM

So sweet and soft, Bill, romantic and tender...save for one spot. For the sake of the rhyme, you used "take" to rhyme with "make." If there would be a way to use "accept" instead, it seems it would be more in keeping with the softness of the rest of the piece.

I lie here by your side, hearing all the soft sounds that you make,
and you give your all to me,
everything you have I will take…

take does go with give, but it seems more agressive than 'accept.'

I don't know how to do it,though, but this poem is so lovely, it seems it might be worth a try.

Kit McCallum

Administrator

Member Laureate

since 2000-04-30

Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada

2 posted 2001-03-11 10:30 AM

Very beautiful sentiments Bill ... you've captured a mood of sheer romance in thoughts and feelings of a new and wonderful love. Excellent exploration through these tender lines. I really enjoyed this!

Best wishes,
/Kit

Celeste
Senior Member

since 2000-11-11

Posts 597

3 posted 2001-03-11 08:08 PM

The gentle awakening of two souls in those first moments of discovering each other.
You have captured that completely.
This is beautiful! I loved it!

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