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Open Poetry #12
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Voiceless
Senior Member
since 2001-02-19
Posts 686
Under the stars upon the wind

0 posted 2001-03-10 08:43 PM



How long will this love last?
Tell how me how you
made this spell
you cast..
But
L
i
k
e
Before
You will soon
reject to hold my hand
For our love is just a grain of sand.



~*Peachy Be*~

© Copyright 2001 Jennifer K.G. - All Rights Reserved
catalinamoon
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543
The Shores of Alone
1 posted 2001-03-10 10:25 PM


Ouch, I feel this one. So easily it slips through, hm?
Take care.
Sandra

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
2 posted 2001-03-10 10:29 PM


Very good....I wonder if
you were trying to
center this as an
hourglass
.
.
.
.
however,
the message
came through,
loud and clear....

Nate Dogg
Senior Member
since 1999-11-15
Posts 1658
Georgia, Fulton
3 posted 2001-03-10 11:25 PM


Very good writing Voiceless....especially when there's not a whole lot of words!

Nathan

Just A Woman
Senior Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 507

4 posted 2001-03-10 11:43 PM


I loved the way you wrote this. So much said with so little. I echo this feeling that you've expressed so well.
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

5 posted 2001-03-10 11:53 PM


very cool poem Voiceless ...
great use of time metaphors to accent the emotions...
very well done
take care
jm

We're living in a world full of illusion
Everything is so unreal
My mind is in a state of confusion
But I can't deny the way I feel
~Depeche Mode~

Krawdad
Member Elite
since 2001-01-03
Posts 2597

6 posted 2001-03-11 04:38 PM


Nice compact little piece.
But if love is just a grain of sand, is life but a beach washed by the ocean of time?

ethome
Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada
7 posted 2001-03-11 04:46 PM


Very sad voiceless but well crafted to express the bleakness of the situation...creative writing!!

The poet is like a cocoon; in him the caterpillar of the past finds rest, and from him the butterfly of the future emerges.

walker
Member Elite
since 2001-02-11
Posts 2240
Florida
8 posted 2001-03-11 04:56 PM


Simply beautiful!

A quarter of a century must pass, for the writer to understand what and why he writes.

suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
9 posted 2001-03-12 03:11 PM


I like this one very much... well done!
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