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Open Poetry #12
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Disgruntled
Junior Member
since 2001-03-01
Posts 13


0 posted 2001-03-04 02:03 AM



At first I did this poem as a highly structured poem, just to get some feedback, but most of it was negative in other forums so I just vented and rewrote it. If you want me to post the original for you just ask.

********

Two brown pools,
Of infinite depth,
Filling my vision,
I feel like a fool,
I can't stand them,
Your eyes,
They block out all else,
I can't let go,
I'm agonized,
This euphoria you bring me,
It's almost unbearable,
The chaos sweeps through my broken heart,
As sweet laughter mocks my affection,
I'm all alone,
While you're with your man,
I don't hate, just envy,
That he can bask in your glow,
You do this to haunt me,
You tell me I'm cute,
Raise my hopes,
Then you turn and walk away,
Leaving me agonized,
Head on my knees,
Squeezed tight to my chest,
I just want to cry,
But the tears have run out,
Do I do this to myself,
Is it all in my head,
Do you not care a whit,
How everything turns out,
I stare at the ceiling,
Lying quietly in bed,
Arguing myself why I let this go on,
I just want to love you,
But you only ignore me,
Is this what it feels like to be in love,
A raging pain,
A minute satisfaction,
If I'm wrong about this I don't want to be right,
I'm agonized.




© Copyright 2001 Disgruntled - All Rights Reserved
Disgruntled
Junior Member
since 2001-03-01
Posts 13

1 posted 2001-03-04 02:04 AM


I feel like a retard being one of the first to post a reply to my own poem but...I would just like to thank everybody who replied or even just read the few poems ive posted. I must say that I am very impressed by the material ive found posted on this site and admit that mine seem like theyve been written by a child in comparison. I just wanted to say that even though i dont reply to any of the posts it is not out of disrespect or for not liking it, it is because I wouldnt have enough time to write all of the praise that i would feel compelled to inscribe. thank you and i enjoy and am in awe of everybodies work here
VAS
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450
Oregon
2 posted 2001-03-04 03:09 AM


Hmmmmmm. This poem certainly lives up to its name. It causes me to want to give advice...not re. poetry but re. the message and the agony of the storyteller...I say it that way, as it could be autobiographical or it could be fictional.

There are definitely people that think they want something so terribly badly that they fool themselves into thinking that they can attain it or someone. This poem definitely shows a person in that predicament. It also seems to me that often should the person attain that which is desired, that the desire wanes and they find they really only wanted it because they didn't have it.

EagleScorpion
Senior Member
since 2000-03-08
Posts 1644
Here, Now, Forever
3 posted 2001-03-04 03:14 AM


I dont want to sound like a phony or anything.... (sigh)
I found this read very inspiring. I saw raw omnipotent talent masked under the so accentuated stress this poem conveys. I see great potential in your writing abilities. Keep at it... hey thats what I'm trying to do!

Love is God. Love is war. Love is what your life is for.

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