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Open Poetry #12
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Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554


0 posted 2001-03-02 10:24 AM


Stinging slap--
of silence felt.
Playing my hand,
with the cards you dealt.
(Realizing now)
just how well you play this game.
Me, the moth ... you, the flame,
Heaven and Hell--
(one in the same.)
You read me for weak?
I mistook you for kind?
In the slow burn of you
(admission made)
I completely lost my mind.

I put you on a pedestal,
worshiped you on bended knee.
Blinded by your beauty,
the subtle seduction of your poetry.
You fell off the pedestal,
yet ... I wear the bruises.
(poetic justice I ask? ) ...
should the one who gave the most--
be the one who loses?
(Isn't it ironic) ...
you can't live out the words you write.
Your emotional intensity,
your pens gift evident under poetic light.

While flying in your flame ...
your heat filled my pen with fire.
(even the memory of you)
left me singed ...
but still so sweetly inspired.
Now all the words fade to cliche'
(my words are wasted on you)
and it all leaves me (and my muse)
so uninspired--so damn tired.

(Left behind and wondering)
why was I never given the return--
of my shared, sincere, respect.
Was that just too much
(for a moth like me)
to ever hope for or expect?
The truth when given time ...
always shows itself,
your true colors bleed in the end.
Actions always speak louder than words,
(and you're off trying to kiss a friend?).
Yet even now,
(ever the moth) ...
I wont think of you with regret.
you were a taste of something fine,
(another) hard learned lesson--
I wont soon forget.
What you never understood,
all my intentions were good at best.
Still none of this seems to matter anymore,
(for with these words) ...
I lay my pen of you to rest.

**********

a special note of thanks to Mark ...
for all your editing, support, patience, and help with this piece ...
most of all for your friendship.
Thank you cowboy ...
never doubt "I preeeciate ya" LOL

**********

Leave
by Matchbox 20
from the cd: Mad Season

It's amazing
how you make your face just like a wall
how you take your heart and turn it off
how I turn my head and lose it all

It's unnerving
how just one move puts me by myself
there you go just trusting someone else
**now I know I put us both through hell**

**I'm not saying
there wasn't nothing wrong**
I just didn't think you'd ever get tired of me
** And I'm not saying
we ever had the right to hold on**
I just didn't wanna let it get away from me

********
Unkind
by: Tabitha's Secret
from the cd: Dont Play With Matches

Bring it on baby, what's with sudden devotion
I trade a river of tears for just a little emotion
You can curse my name, pin it up with my picture
And say it's the last time that I'll be around to be around

Oh well I'm torn and I'm tattered
So the thoughts in my head they get scattered
And pain gives me the right to be unkind
And it set's me here

And here I'll stand like it matters
Only once gets through then gets scattered by the rain
But pain gives me the right to be unkind
And it sets me here


Strange ... the desire for certain pleasures is a part of my pain.
~Kahlil Gibran~

© Copyright 2001 Janet Marie - All Rights Reserved
Mark Bohannan
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269
In the winds of Cherokee song
1 posted 2001-03-02 10:33 AM


Justice comes in many forms and in the end it all comes to how you look at yourself in the end. This piece of yours is a wonderful piece of poetic stretching for you and I loved every minute of helping you with it though I must admit that my contributions were quite small. You have a wonderful feel for poetry my sweet friend and it shows in every write and reply you do. It is not often that we run across someone who truely understands what it is about poetry that captivates us all but we can at least say that in knowing you that we do. Your mix of line breaks tied in with a wonderful compliment of pauses and meter in this piece are simply nothing less than sheer enjoyment and your careful attention to making sure the rhyme pattern hits just right makes this creation of yours one to cherish and say think of the time when we can say ... I knew her when. So glad you decided to post sweetness. Cowboy is happy and dancing the jig to your song of freedom. Hugs and smooches dear one.
Lady In White
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Member Elite
since 2001-02-12
Posts 2799
USA
2 posted 2001-03-02 10:39 AM


Strength. I read much strength in this piece, and I applaud you for your effort and for your every movement of the pen.
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

3 posted 2001-03-02 10:45 AM


This? is just so appropriate this morning...as well as your constructive critique..."we can't grow..if we don't know.."--- gonna smile if I have to drink tequila before noon today? Hmmmm....
Think I can handle it?

lol...awesome poem...always helps to know your subject well!

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
4 posted 2001-03-02 11:19 AM


Janet--Aside from all that Mark said about your poetic capabilities...of which there are many, and I could never say it as well as he has, so I will echo him if I may, this poem is so full of strength. It seems a small moth has filled up and exploded and is no longer flitting, but free. I applaud you!
SEA
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Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
5 posted 2001-03-02 11:34 AM



" Me, the moth ... you, the flame,
Heaven and Hell--
(one in the same.)
You read me for weak?
I mistook you for kind?
In the slow burn of you
(admission made)
I completely lost my mind."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I know this too well.....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You fell off the pedestal,
yet ... I wear the bruises.
should the one who gave the most--
be the one who loses?
(Isn't it ironic) ..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

touching a memory here............

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


" I wont soon forget.
What you never understood,"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

me either.......

Oh Janet, this hits so close to places within my heart............opens memories, I try to forget.... this is beautiful, strong writing......I love this SEA



SwEeTnSeXy18
Member
since 2000-09-18
Posts 247
nc
6 posted 2001-03-02 01:03 PM


Janet~

wow...u know how huge a fan of yours
i am...but this takes it to the next
level. this is a different style of
writing for you, and i love it! so
powerful, so intense...just the way
you put this together is quite amazing
in and of itself...combined with it's
message and its absoultely stunning!

amazing write...
take care
love ya
amy

~in order to gain, you have to lose~


Aimster
Member Elite
since 2000-02-19
Posts 4297
Charlotte, NC
7 posted 2001-03-02 01:14 PM


ok its me now lol...
sorry about that before but
lisa says awesome poetry too

love ya
amy

"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart & can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."


Elizabeth
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Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871
Minnesota
8 posted 2001-03-02 01:34 PM


Wow Janet....I love this one...you really said what you felt....great work.
suthern
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Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
9 posted 2001-03-02 01:51 PM


From the first word, I tumbled straight into knowing... I just don't know whether the ache I feel is for you or me... I know the admiration is for your strength. *S* You've drawn a line drawn in the sand with poetic perfection.... I can only applaud. *S*
bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855

10 posted 2001-03-02 01:56 PM


Hey, Butterfly Slippers!

A carefully measured and crafted bomb of righteous anger and injustice. I loved it. Man, that flame burns in all the right spots.

Mike

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
11 posted 2001-03-02 02:41 PM


I find myself in this situation more times than I like...most relationships turn out to be learning experiences for me...I should have been more careful before taking that step towards love...hurts to take it alone...James
jellybeans
Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298

12 posted 2001-03-02 02:47 PM


wow...shakes her head* wow...can I just ditto all of the above, it touches me in so many ways...and yep lady it echos strength...as hard as it is to let go, one finds a strength in standing on your own...great write lady.....does me good to read it
Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850
In the space between moments
13 posted 2001-03-02 02:52 PM


Incredible JM, just simply incredible...such bitterness, such a sting this piece has...I loved how the phrases in parethesis added so much...made me feel like I was seeing every part of the struggle, of the pain...this is phenomenal, I'm so glad I got the chance to read.. Peace and light to you, my friend.

*Krista Knutson*

"Can't run fast enough
Can't hide I can't fly
I'm struggling with the limits of this ordinary life..." ~Tracy Chapman

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
14 posted 2001-03-02 04:48 PM


JM,
I don't know what brought this on but Randy charged up his fire snort and flew the coop.
I think he is comming down your way to singe the culpred. I know the power of your pen and this is another fine example of it.
I felt the slap clear down to florida. I hope it isn't anyone I know. Winliewinkie Stinky

snowpants
Member Elite
since 2000-09-16
Posts 2061
KS
15 posted 2001-03-02 05:57 PM


'Me, the moth ... you, the flame,
Heaven and Hell--
(one in the same.)
You read me for weak?
I mistook you for kind?
In the slow burn of you
(admission made)
I completely lost my mind.

I put you on a pedestal,
worshiped you on bended knee.
Blinded by your beauty,
the subtle seduction of your poetry.
You fell off the pedestal,
yet ... I wear the bruises.'

Simply amazing, JM! The flow of this one just kept me reading right to the very end! Wonderful work...love this!! (great song by matchbox twenty, btw!)

sp


everytime I close my eyes, I see your face, I taste you on my lips...
every night I fantasize that I can feel you on my fingertips...

Butterflies_dont_cry
Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733
Michigan
16 posted 2001-03-02 10:53 PM


Baby...you bled poetry...and it shines in
this night with the wings of
butterflies.....nope not moths. The pain
that inspires is the same pain that gives us
strength to walk on...I could kiss your
little forehead for this one...you know
why...yeppers baby...for the healing. The
pain lets us know we are alive and the flame
never looses it's warmth...no matter how hot.

Purified in the Flame

Still your words pull me in
Drawing me to your soul
Falling all over again
My emotions take control

Lighting my heart’s embers
The overwhelming love
This my heart remembers
The things I still dream of

Touching me so deeply
And still I wanted more
Consuming me completely
Like nothing I’d felt before

Was it to much to be real
To beautiful to go on
To much for one to feel
Only something to wish upon

Not strong enough to turn
The ache reminds me I’m alive
Living to feel the burn
I needed your flame to survive

As your memory burns today
I stand frozen...my soul mystified
And as the ashes blow away
I’m redeemed...eternally purified


"Dizzy" Tabitha's Secret
and outside, the sky is falling
people dodging raindrops, staying dry
and inside, I never gave a damn about those outside people anyway
and it hurt me
they don't even know who I am

and inside, there’s no rainbows
and inside, I try I try I try, try to clear my head
and outside, the rain is drying
and inside, i'm dying

'cause in here, I’m staring at the rings my coffee cup has made on the
table
and in here, I know I know I know, that this is as good as it gets
and in time I hope to be the one that talks about the other half
until then, I count the cracks on the wall
until it’s time to lay my head

and inside, I play with shadows
and inside, I know I know I know, that I'll feel this way all day, all
day
and outside, there’s hope for trying, and inside I’m dying

you walk before me, Lord knows I can’t follow
you walk behind me and I don’t think I can lead
you walk around me, please don’t walk around me
'cause you know how dizzy I get


"I wish the real world would just stop
Hasseling me!"
Real World MB20

Mother_Earth
Senior Member
since 2000-11-20
Posts 1370
1/2 year Texas & 1/2 year Michigan
17 posted 2001-03-02 11:36 PM


JM the poem is beautiful in a hurtie kind of way. Some moths are so pretty we mistake them for butterflies, so there can't be much difference. Beauty in the eye of the beholder. I can't say it as well as all of the others before me, they did a great job.
Thank you for sharing both the love and the pain. Hugs, dear girl, ME

ethome
Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada
18 posted 2001-03-03 12:13 PM


I'm the one who can please you
Ain't that what you said
You seemed so alone
I guess I was easily lead

I showed you my love
but I guess that it went to your head
When you were hungry
I brought you your breakfast in bed

Even it up even it up!
A good man pays his debt
But you ain't paid yours yet

I took you down over the tracks when
you wanted some sin
I bought you satin and herbs from places
I been
Now something tells me you're going to
use me again
You think you can lay down the how and
the where and the when.

Even it up even it up!
I don't want to bum it all
but this axe has got to fall

even it up even it up!!
(written by Ann and Nancy Wilson)


Tell It LIke It Is ( G.Davis & L. Diamond)

"If you want, something to play with
go and find yourself a toy.
Cause baby baby my time is much too expensive
and I don't want no little boy.
But if you.....if you are serious
don't go playin with my heart
it makes me furious
but if you want me to love you
baby I will ooooh yeah I will

tell it like it is
oh yeah just let your conscience be your guide
deep down inside I believe you love me
just forget your foolish pride

I think life's too short for all this sorrow
we may be here today gone tommorrow
you might as well get what you want
so go on and live baby go on and live

tell it like it is
don't be ashamed now
just let your conscience be your guide
deep down inside I believe you really love me
just forget your foolish pride

tell it like it is
I'm nothing to play with
go and find yourself a toy
But I....tell it like it is
my time's too expensive
and I don't need no little boy....

Oh yeah c'mon tell it like it is


Hardly poetic justice this poem of your speaks about my dear poet pet. However, the printed word can be as treacherous as deadly poison if it is crafted by a confidence man....it all comes down to the truth and love in the heart....like it says in the Bible...out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks...so eventually what's in the depths of the heart emerges through the mouth or written word or in some fashion of communnication......

This is a fabulous job and I'm glad Mark could help you with it because it's a tremendous poetic work.......you're still the VANtastic one! take care ethome



[This message has been edited by ethome (edited 03-03-2001).]

Kethry
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082
Victoria Australia
19 posted 2001-03-03 12:24 PM


Janet Marie,
One thing I can count on is that your poetry will move me, but this astounding piece has moved me to another dimension. Wow!
Write on
Kethry.


Those of us who refuse to risk and grow get swallowed up by life. Patty Hansen.



Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

20 posted 2001-03-03 04:06 PM


My sincerest thank you and appreciation to everyone of you for these very sweet and understanding replies...
I am touched by EACH one of them ... I promise you.
For the compliments to the structure and style of the poem...
thank you so much..I was trying to write in a
new style(for me)--
a more expressive format and grow as a poet...
you help me to know that I acheived that goal in some way with this...
to those who relate to the pain, Im sorry you know the feeling.

Holly and Ethome...thank you so much for the so very appropriate song verses and poetic replies....
you guys are groovy
Sy...I'll be looking for Randy with bells on...*winkiewinkie*
Mark...you helped more than you know...and not only with the poem. TYMSF

It was not my intention for this poem to be as much bitter or angry...
it was intented to be more of a release of something held on to falsely in my mind.
I personally dont think poetry should be used to hurt anyone else...
and I hope my words have not ever done so.
But yet we also need to vent and purge... to heal ...
or in this case to take back some self respect, I gave away.
There is a part of me that wishes I hadn't posted this...
more so..there is that part of me that wishes I didnt ever have to write it.
thank you all for always being so supportive and kind...
always so way cool
love to all in Poetry Land.
jm

Strange ... the desire for certain pleasures is a part of my pain.
~Kahlil Gibran~

ethome
Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada
21 posted 2001-03-04 06:17 AM


I just thought I'd reply again as I agree with your statement about how poetry should be used and considered. Janet I have never read anything of yours that was in the least demeaning or vengeful.......It's all been VAN tastic!!

The poet is like a cocoon; in him the caterpillar of the past finds rest, and from him the butterfly of the future emerges.

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

22 posted 2001-03-04 09:28 AM


E-babes...youre too good to me...but me loves ya for it...
thank you my poet-pal ...
sometimes when we are hurt we do things that we later regret...
There is a fine line between purging and vengenance...
I hope I am always able to write my heart with out crossing that line.
I personally just dont ever want my poetry to be hurtful to anyone...
even when Im venting my own pain.
Thank ya for understanding me so well...always.
youre the one whos VAN-tastic my friend



Strange ... the desire for certain pleasures is a part of my pain.
~Kahlil Gibran~

Greeneyes
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Member Rara Avis
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind
23 posted 2001-03-04 09:47 PM


excellent write JM, a new style you do well... hope all is well with ya....hugs and peace...




Greeneyes~


***


"Within you I lose myself
Without you I find myself
Wanting to be lost again."
-Unknown



Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
24 posted 2001-03-04 10:18 PM


JanetMarie...fellow show me buddy, whoever caused you to write this is no friend of mine but it certainly produced an amazing piece of writing...this exceeds brilliant
Gemini
Senior Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 1203
Wisconsin, USA
25 posted 2001-03-04 10:29 PM


JM-Thank you for your splendid words, you've touched on some sensitive memories here. I applaud your work!
Poeminister
Senior Member
since 2000-02-26
Posts 1862
Regina SK; Canada
26 posted 2001-03-04 10:32 PM


Janet--Sharply expressed and composed...wonderful writing.

Poeminister

PoeticKnight
Senior Member
since 2000-01-20
Posts 1144
New Orleans, LA
27 posted 2001-03-05 01:13 PM


Very cool poem here, I simply loved the expression and the emotions behind it. Could be construed as a stalker's confession in some ways, but you pulled it off nicely. You never cease to amaze me.
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

28 posted 2001-03-05 03:27 PM


GE, Dear Deer, Gemini, PM, & PK,
thank you for the kind words and compliments.
Im glad you all found some personal meaning in my words.
Its my pleasure to see your names here.
take care
jm


It's amazing
how you make your face just like a wall
how you take your heart and turn it off
how I turn my head and lose it all
MB20

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