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Open Poetry #12
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walker
Member Elite
since 2001-02-11
Posts 2240
Florida

0 posted 2001-03-01 06:17 PM



It flew away,
from my bare hands.
It's boldness,
made me want to have it.
It's innocence,
made me stopped it.
Just to touch her,
was enough for me to
dream about her.
Now, no one can tell me
where she is. She flew
away and left this
place forever.



A quarter of a century must pass, for the writer to understand what and why he writes.

© Copyright 2001 walker - All Rights Reserved
JLR
Senior Member
since 2001-02-04
Posts 1785

1 posted 2001-03-01 06:48 PM


'Its boldness made me want it'. Where ya been all day? Still reading, still enjoying, still confused. What is it with the butterflies in here, anyway? I hope yours comes back.
Aimster
Member Elite
since 2000-02-19
Posts 4297
Charlotte, NC
2 posted 2001-03-01 09:48 PM


really beautiful write...
this was quite sad but also
very touching! i too hope your
butterfly returns and if she can't
then i wish you time to heal and
recover...keep writing, it helps!
take care
amy


"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart & can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."


desperado
Member
since 1999-05-24
Posts 312
FT Hood,Tx
3 posted 2001-03-01 09:53 PM


this piece had a few lines in it that were good, yet in my opinion, the imagery was a little stale. could have been more description, but that's only if you are trying to be specific about what kind of butterfly you are chasing. other than that, it was pretty good. careful about the rhythm.
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