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Open Poetry #12
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Fight the Waves (I had a bad day...)
| Open Poetry #12 |
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Fight the Waves (I had a bad day...) |
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Voiceless Senior Member
since 2001-02-19
Posts 686Under the stars upon the wind |
An ocean of grief stood before me Embraced by a fog of hate I stood on the shores of misery My heart to be played..a piece of bait The waves of lies in gulfed me And to misery deepths I was pulled I was filled with ever gaining confusion I had just done what I was told. Be honest screamed a voice As my lungs burned for air Do remember the truth it said or do you not even care My arms failed to listen I was sinking forever down To a trench of depression In my own lies I was to drown What is the truth called the voice I opened my lips to reply The water rushed in to steal my breath I gagged on the words I lied I hit the rocky ocean bottom I laid my head down to eternal sleep My head cleared to leave one thought Honesty to the friends you wish to keep |
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| © Copyright 2001 Jennifer K.G. - All Rights Reserved | |||
catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
Hey, this sounds like a REAL bad day! I have had many just like it. I like the play with the water and waves, and how you can feel like you are drowining in lies sometimes, your own, or someone elses. Great write. Hope tomorrow is a happier day. Sandra |
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walker Member Elite
since 2001-02-11
Posts 2240Florida |
Honesty is precious to me, I hate being lie to. Well expressed, after a hard day! A quarter of a century must pass, for the writer to understand what and why he writes. |
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Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136Mobile, AL |
A struggle with honesty whether with ourselves or with someone else always leave exhaustion after the batttle. That is what I've read here, and I enjoyed ever word of it. Sorry you had a bad day, and I do desperately hope the rest of the night is good for you.  |
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Cerenity Member Elite
since 2000-02-16
Posts 2637Escondido-California |
Hi Voiceless, Powerful poetry here,like Temptress said the battle drains the soul no matter what side your on, I loved the imagery you used, very well done, Love, Cerenity "God doesn't have to be reminded that we exist. We have to be reminded that He exist!" (Writer Unknown) |
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Saunni Senior Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 1777West Virginia |
What a great write...but sorry such a bad day. Sauni Sauni :) Have you ever known the color grey when the nighttime finds you weak I have, I've walked that road each time; that's where my angel sleeps |
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ocean New Member
since 2001-02-27
Posts 6 |
Your Poem was beautiful, but may I just say what I think would be a more truer sentiment in your first paragraph? AN OCEAN OF GRIEF STOOD BEFORE ME EMBRACED BY A FOG OF 'HURT'.. I STOOD ON THE SHORES OF MISERY.. ::LEAVE OUT TO BE PLAYED..A PIECE OF BAIT that comes from 'your own perception'..::::nothing of how i felt at all. If you really believed that there was ever hate, you never had any trust or believed in anything i have ever said, because I can tell you unequivocally that the word is hurt, not hate.. I am the same yesterday, today and tomorrow, believe what you will of me.. I trust in you completely, that you had your reasons, and I always will.. love, "me" |
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DreamLess Member
since 2001-02-28
Posts 92 |
dont worry..there is always a nice day .. bad days won't keep for ever |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
There's always sunshine after rain...I am guessing that you are not going to let yourself be trapped by a bad day quite like this again...your heart is tortured in this poem and you obviously have a good one!! Great subject and well presented! The poet is like a cocoon; in him the caterpillar of the past finds rest, and from him the butterfly of the future emerges. |
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Dee Member Elite
since 2000-08-19
Posts 2330Queensland, Australia |
If you write like that on a bad day Voiceless, your good days must be amazing! Dee I wish you every happiness and may you always have the best of the good things in life. a brand |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
Never swim alone, always take someone you can hold onto! Kathleen Blake "When red-haired girls scamper like roses over the rain-green grass, and the sun drips honey." Laurie Lee |
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mystic requiem Member
since 2001-01-26
Posts 144 |
Super poem with a super message. Lies will get us no where fast! Well said! *thanx*   |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
Great message here, good bit of wisdom acquired. "The waves of lies in gulfed me And to misery deepths I was pulled I was filled with ever gaining confusion I had just done what I was told." In this stanza, in gulfed should be engulfed; "misery deepths" should be misery's depths. I liked the line about heart being played as bait although I don't know if that's exactly what you want to say here. Anyway, overall such a good message and taking care to make your poem more powerful is of what this message is worthy. |
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Nate Dogg Senior Member
since 1999-11-15
Posts 1658Georgia, Fulton |
Wow, Voiceless, another work of art you've crafted here....You know you're my most favorite poet on here...I mean if you keep writing like this then, who can resist reading your work....great piece! Nathan |
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