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Poet deVine
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since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

0 posted 2001-02-22 11:06 PM


(thanks for the phrase Paula!)

Whispers in the Dark

softly silent scraping sounds
leaves against window’s glass
child’s terror in the night
breathless prayers that it will pass

harsh whispers in the dark
cutting like a jagged knife
opening wounds that won’t heal
between husband and wife

sleeping child pulled awake
covers held tightly to her chin
whispers become shouts
now the fighting can begin

silent witness to the pain
of a marriage torn asunder
words like vicious storms cascade
verbal lightening, spoken thunder


© Copyright 2001 Poet deVine - All Rights Reserved
desperado
Member
since 1999-05-24
Posts 312
FT Hood,Tx
1 posted 2001-02-22 11:28 PM


greetings from the field Chief!

LOL

ok this poem had a good rhyme and rhythm was good, I also liked the last stanza. but I will have to say that it disappointed me to see it end so soon. it kinda left me wondering what happened next. the cliffhanger effect for certain. I'm into the movie, but how does it end? she's up and hears the fighting, but it just stops like hitting a brick wall after that. I would like to read a little more of it, so if you decide to work a little more on it, let me know. I'll check it out and let you know what I think.

"There were times in my life when I was going insane tryin to walk through the pain. When I lost my grip and I hit the floor yeah I thought I could le

VAS
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450
Oregon
2 posted 2001-02-23 12:01 PM


And then there's me who experienced some of this as a child and there was definitely enough here. Don't want anymore pain with it myself. It's powerful as it is.
Poet deVine
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Hurricane Alley
3 posted 2001-02-23 12:10 PM


I have a tendency to go for a 'punch line' ending..and liked the thunder/lightening phrase. And if the 'story' is left to the imagination, is there harm in that? I really appreciate your comments Des.

and VAS, I'm sorry if it brought up bad memories, it wasn't my intention to cause pain.

Dee
Member Elite
since 2000-08-19
Posts 2330
Queensland, Australia
4 posted 2001-02-23 01:34 AM


PDV, wonderfully done from just one phrase.

softly silent scraping sounds
leaves against window’s glass
child’s terror in the night
breathless prayers that it will pass

Brought back childhood memories of listening to every sound imagining all sorts of monsters!

Then the change, the reason for the childs fears, so different to my childhood. I enjoyed the tension. Love it.

Dee


I wish you every happiness and pray you'll always have the best of the good things in life. a brand

Paula Finn
Member Ascendant
since 2000-06-17
Posts 5546
missouri
5 posted 2001-02-23 01:45 AM


Oh wow...not what I had envisioned with that phrase but man oh man is this powerful stuff...the images are just so vivid
BSC
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Member Elite
since 2000-02-04
Posts 2919
New York, USA
6 posted 2001-02-23 08:47 AM


"Verbal lightening, spoken thunder"....Oh wow!!!! Great piece Sharon. Bonnie
dgvarner
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since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552
High Springs, Florida
7 posted 2001-02-23 08:54 AM


wow! great writing! i could feel the childs fear..her pain of having to deal with the fighting...

you made such wonderful use of so many great words in this one..

i really like this one..cliffhanger or not..

hugs, g


PERFECTION has no CHARACTER...
-unknown

WhtDove
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245
Illinois
8 posted 2001-02-23 09:23 AM


Where did this come from? The description fits so well! Very accurate dipiction in your words. Heart rending, specially the little ones "silent witness to the pain."

Excellent Sharon!

SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
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Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
9 posted 2001-02-23 10:41 AM


Poet~ this is superb writing.......wow........ SEA
Voiceless
Senior Member
since 2001-02-19
Posts 686
Under the stars upon the wind
10 posted 2001-02-23 10:45 AM


It's powerful and moving,
saddening yet unfortunately truthful.


~*Peachy Be*~

Bill Charles
Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now
11 posted 2001-02-23 12:10 PM


Poet deVine - this is excellant, but brings back so many painful memories. Me thinks that perhaps there are some that reside?

BC

jellybeans
Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298

12 posted 2001-02-23 03:28 PM


yep, when you have been there, it says plenty, and says it well, nice writing
Poet deVine
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Hurricane Alley
13 posted 2001-02-23 03:58 PM


It's odd. I was a child afraid of sounds in the dark. But never was I in a situation where I listened to my parents argue. They never did. Nor did they talk much. But I have empathy for those who have experienced this kind of pain.......
OLIAS
Senior Member
since 2000-06-20
Posts 1090
Pearl city Iowa
14 posted 2001-02-23 04:23 PM


Very powerful words and emotions P.D. makes me feel blessed that my childhood was so happy, thanks for sharing.

Regards,
Olias.

suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
15 posted 2001-02-26 04:28 PM


What wonders you've done with your borrowed phrase! *S* Great poem, PDV... with a powerful ending!
Beki
Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1569
Newport Beach, CA, USA
16 posted 2001-02-26 08:49 PM


perfect imagery, and surprising, I expected soemthing very different from the title. Good work...
Red-uni
Member
since 2000-07-30
Posts 192
Georgia, USA
17 posted 2001-02-27 12:04 PM


This poem is powerful. I can relate to the scared child. Look forward to reading more of your poems.
Red

Michael
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Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666
California
18 posted 2001-02-27 04:01 AM


Sigh - this provoked many images in mind, Sharon. Wow. It's like reliving something from the past unvisited for many years. And while I might not care for the images, the message here come through loud and clear. You did wonderful witht the phrase.

Michael

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