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Open Poetry #12
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You Can Fake Sex, Tears, and Us- But Never Smiles
| Open Poetry #12 |
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You Can Fake Sex, Tears, and Us- But Never Smiles |
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AniKay83 Member
since 2000-06-28
Posts 388Missing Since 1999 
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I was sitting somewhere between yesterday and tomorrow, tearing at the dirt under my fingernails. And I was shamed by my filthy hands touching the purity of your picture. It didn't seem right that I sat in front with a smile broad enough to steal the camera's attention, yet none of yours. Your smile remained tucked away in some deep corner of what you call your heart. Yes, there was an upturned edge of your lips lying to the camera, but it didn't fool me because I knew there was no heart in your smile that day any day that you sat next to me, and still I would hardly call that a smile. Did it matter to you that I offered up heaven on a linen lined platter of soul, beautifully complimented with promises and the intent to keep them as well? If it did, I suppose you would have smiled for the camera. But maybe you just didn't understand I thought it meant smiling for me. No! I'm tired of defending you to myself and everyone else for that matter. You apparently need no one but yourself to survive this world's cruel February nights. I'm tired of making up reasons for all the weights you tie to my heart strings, dragging me down further through the mud of a sullen girl's "whys?". You want to move from lovers to friends without considering the pain involved with such a tribulating transition. I know I'm more than a little rough around the edges, but what was lace before caring hands wove it's beauty? Maybe I left you cold now and then. Maybe I was friends with some people you didn't like. Maybe I got caught up in the moment a few times. Maybe then I pushed things a little too far. Maybe I just don't know what to do with myself sometimes. But I never gave you 'maybes', not when it came to you and me. I always told you what I expected, what I wanted. You only think of what works best for you, but you still never told me what you wanted from me. And Still! You said what we wanted was too different. I wasn't even informed of the circumstances of our end. We took that picture as nothing more than friends, so what is left to think about what we were as lovers? You couldn't even leave me with some fond memories. You only left me... Now I know all the sweet softness of your kisses was feigned. The tenderness I'd thought I'd felt was really just imagining induced by longing. Now I know why I said, "I feel more lonely now than I did when I was alone." I had been surprised by those words rising up from my mouth, had thought them alien, put there by some foriegn thing with no regard for the care I'd given to our bond. Now I know those words were really coming from my heart, beget from a truth I'd denied myself the right to see. Because I thought the world was more bearable to look at through the cracks of light falling in between your fingers. But now things are different. I want to see the world with eyes wide and staring. I want to drink deep from the cup life has offered up to me. I can forgive you. Only because I know I could never forget you. I'll prove my character better than your own. I'll share the wealth lying at the bottom of my cup. Let you drink- possibly regret, never letting me into your heart. Maybe one day you'll forgive me for how I'm about to treat you. I have no need for your ambiguous nature. Such undecisiveness is infecting, and I do not wish to catch your cold, 'Unsure.' So I'll only call you when I need you. Which is starting to fade more and more each passing moment. At least, that's what I say... I'm through with sharing feelings and photographs with you, undeserving as you are. So if I still care about you, if I still dream about you, if I still want you or need you, if inside I feel like I'm drained and dying without your liquid touch, then I will never again say... I'll only fade away and pretend you're smiling at me through our photograph. "And I wanted you to turn away. You don't remember, but I do. You never even tried..." ~Fuel [This message has been edited by AniKay83 (edited 02-18-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Christine Straka - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Very intense and well done... |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
I'm tired of defending you to myself and everyone else for that matter. You apparently need no one but yourself to survive this world's cruel February nights. I'm tired of making up reasons for all the weights you tie to my heart strings, dragging me down further through the mud of a sullen girl's "whys?". You want to move from lovers to friends without considering the pain involved with such a tribulating transition. I know I'm more than a little rough around the edges, but what was lace before caring hands wove it's beauty? ==================== WOW!!!!!! theres so many cool lines of impact in this Id be cutin and pastin all night to pick them all out!! powerful outpouring Krissie ... major purge of emotions the continued theme of the photograph was very cool well done poetess of intense emote take care jm As sure as God made wine you can't wrap your arms around a memory In the dark for me youre the candle flame that flickers to life ~Mission UK~ |
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JLR Senior Member
since 2001-02-04
Posts 1785 |
I'm tired of defending you to myself----great line. All of it--I loved! |
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Aimster Member Elite
since 2000-02-19
Posts 4297Charlotte, NC |
awesome write! god i loved this-- powerful lines in this one that delivered truth at the deepest level...i know this had to have helped some to write this... cuz it helped me some to read it. thank you for posting this. like i said AWESOME WRITE!! take care amy  "A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart & can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words." |
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AniKay83 Member
since 2000-06-28
Posts 388Missing Since 1999 |
Martie~ Thank you for reading and replying. Janet Marie~ As always, friend, thanks for stopping by! And of course for the reply. I definately had to get exorcise some break up demons! JLR~ Thanks very much. Aimster~ Glad to see you liked it so much. Yes, it helped A LOT to write this, in fact I didn't even know half these feelings were there! Thanks for the reply."And I wanted you to turn away. You don't remember, but I do. You never even tried..." ~Fuel |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
wow. . . I love this AniKay. . . it's so full of emotion. . . feels good to get it out doesn't it??? excellent. . . ----------------------------------------------------------- To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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AniKay83 Member
since 2000-06-28
Posts 388Missing Since 1999 |
I can't think of a better way to start the healing process. Thanks so much. ~Krissie "And I wanted you to turn away. You don't remember, but I do. You never even tried..." ~Fuel |
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Wilfred Yeats Member Elite
since 2000-08-04
Posts 2704Wilmington, Delaware |
If I'd met you before you penned this - and sensed your feelings - I'd have said "Let it out, let it all out - don't hold anything back" - I think you did - well said! |
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Corazon Senior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 1209 |
very intense is right...wow....and yep, a faked smile is always a give away...great concept |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
you can fake sex? really? OMG, "When red-haired girls scamper like roses over the rain-green grass, and the sun drips honey." Laurie Lee |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Wow....relating....likeing....listening.... |
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AniKay83 Member
since 2000-06-28
Posts 388Missing Since 1999 |
Wifred Yeats~ If you'd met me before this, you probably would have caught me crying. But no more of that! Yeah, it feels good to let it all out. Thank you. Corazon~ Yep, it's a big give away. Thanks for the comments. Kathleen~ ROFL well.... I'm not saying anything. Just thanks for replying! Sunshine~ Thanks for listening. So glad you liked it. "And I wanted you to turn away. You don't remember, but I do. You never even tried..." ~Fuel |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
This is great! I have to ditto JM on there being too many great lines to pick from... I like the theme... you carried it out well! |
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AniKay83 Member
since 2000-06-28
Posts 388Missing Since 1999 |
Thanks Suthern, for the great comments! ~Krissie "And I wanted you to turn away. You don't remember, but I do. You never even tried..." ~Fuel |
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WhiteKnight Member
since 2001-01-01
Posts 83NY |
Now I know all the sweet softness of your kisses was feigned. The tenderness I'd thought I'd felt was really just imagining induced by longing. Now I know why I said, "I feel more lonely now than I did when I was alone." I had been surprised by those words rising up from my mouth, had thought them alien, put there by some foriegn thing with no regard for the care I'd given to our bond. Now I know those words were really coming from my heart, beget from a truth I'd denied myself the right to see. I know that kind of lonelyness well... You have expressed yourself wonderfuly. Very well done poem. WhiteKnight |
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AniKay83 Member
since 2000-06-28
Posts 388Missing Since 1999 |
Yeah, lonelieness is a fierce creature, no? It doesn't really care what you've done or been through. It's totally unbiased in it's assaults- it attacks everyone at one time or another. Thanks for replying. ~Krissie "And I wanted you to turn away. You don't remember, but I do. You never even tried..." ~Fuel |
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Gemini Senior Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 1203Wisconsin, USA |
AniKay83-You've described some powerful thoughts here and very well said indeed. Hang in there kid, it does seem to fade at times and yet at other times seems to come painfully into clear view. Take care. |
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