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Open Poetry #12
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Sorrow's Liquid Light
| Open Poetry #12 |
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Sorrow's Liquid Light |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738
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Surrendered. Now, I finally slept. I dreamt a dream of horses--white, like statues in a sacred mist, moonlight--sanctified. I wore a dress of gossamer. The stars were winking, knowing eyes... I felt a wetness on my cheek. Surprised, I knew, that joy, too, cries... A breeze of blue-- the wind swept through (whirl of silver clouds mind's eye) when then, the flood-- a scent of blood-- (sweat of night in day, reprised...) Horses--headless-- shank exposed, cutting, jagged, as a knife. Red-on-white-- no peace at night, and daytime will not be my home. Even through the depth of sleep, a massacre lay at my feet. Entrails of this majesty, dance in sorrow's liquid light... Too much--TOO MUCH--- for me to see... I don't know how to close eyes twice. A silent scream. I writhe awake. drowning in the sweat of sorrow. Awake, alive, to my chagrin-- aware-- that I must rest tomorrow. *repost from 0pen #8--nightmares yanno* |
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| © Copyright 2001 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved | |||
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wayoutwalt Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870TEXAS (it's all big) |
be at peace sen gal yuh  pray a lil prayer. |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
in a sacred mist, moonlight--sanctified. I wore a dress of gossamer. The stars were winking, knowing eyes... I felt a wetness on my cheek. Surprised, I knew, that joy, too, cries... A breeze of blue-- the wind swept through (whirl of silver clouds mind's eye) when then, the flood-- a scent of blood-- (sweat of night in day, reprised...) ================= A silent scream. I writhe awake. drowning in the sweat of sorrow. Awake, alive, to my chagrin-- aware-- that I must rest tomorrow. =============== I remember this gift of POEtry well me twin... and its gift is a impressive now as it was then ... I will not feel a poet complete till penning me sweet sen a lullaby that sends content  rest baby ... love ya me In the evening when you see my eyes Looking back at you no disguise Im not sure who you think youll see Im just hoping youll still know that its me |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
... you even dream like me.... *sigh*.... hey! do you ever have lucid dreams where you can go from one place to the next and you realize you're dreaming and you can have all kinds of fun because it's not real, and you know it, but you make up the plot as you go along in the dream? ... just wondering... i do... (i read in scientific american once that only a very small percentage of the population can dream lucidly like that... they were doing a study on it at NIH a few years back... i almost volunteered but didn't want to be poked and prodded, so i changed my mind... ).... and do you really care about all this? nah... probably not, but oh well... i just wanted to tell you i liked your poem... missed it the first time around, glad i caught it this time, but you know? sometimes i ramble.... you don't have to listen... one day soon i might pay someone to listen... LOL... at least i'm laughing, eh? thanks for the read, harpo |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Thank you walt...(will never forget your help with the "rat" nightmares) Hugs Janet...I'm sleepy right now...but ain't going back there! Gonna make another pot of coffee... doreen..? we DO have to talk! I am able to do lucid dreaming but only partially...I can suggest it? but then it takes over from me...and sigh of all sighs...these nightmares always start out beautiful and then? WHOA...AND LAST NIGHT? I had SEVERAL... oddly, one of which involved a virus on my pc.. and I wake up with virus alert warnings on icq and my mail and in announcements...and the other main one...involved do it yourself heart surgery (HA! Happy Valentine's Day my ass, Dr. Freud!) LOL...and now I RAMBLE...coffee yanno, sigh but thanks for reading.. |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
I so liked the line about knowing joy cries too. That was especially superb. The bulk of this was too much as you said yourself in it...the blood, agony liquid light. Powerfully done, for certain and what I mean by too much is just as you have meant it in the verse itself. I will say that many have remarked that silent scream has been way over done. Is there a way you might say the same thing and yet not use that phrase? For some, it may tend to weaken this powerful, vivid piece. For my sanity, I must return to the line about joy, I really want to dwell on that idea, it feels better. I truly like it a lot! |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
ah..yes...perhaps silent scream IS overdone..but I like the visual of it and it is quite accurate--as it is also a reference to sleep being aborted. "Silent Scream" is a rather infamous portray of an aborted fetus--sorry to make the gross MORE gross, Virginia, but it does portray my emotion on how it feels to wake in that manner...but further? I am very interested in a discussion on cliche'--as I do have questions regarding how many times on can allude to something without becoming cliche'and the difference between that and overdone symbolism...and further? I am also interested in the effects of images on the subconscious mind (as per Carl Jung's theory of the collective unconcsious) AND...not to beat a dead horse (heh heh) but? when does symbolism become too obscure for clarity for the sake of the general reader? I feared using the aborted fetus imagery in too much detail as I thought it would distract from the original intent of my poem. And sorry to ramble, but this is something I have been wanting to discuss with someone...would love to know what the whole gang thinks on this! Thank you Virginia...I am VERY glad you brought it up!!! HUGS |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Superb girl. really it is. Interesting watching how one's poetry progresses isn't it? Doreen - sometimes I can realise I am in a dream that isn't pleasant and wake myself up, but not often...Lucid dreaming to the extent you can would be COOL.  K...and I have found that a lifetime can be lived in one moment... T.G.M. |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
So, serenity, are you going to put it up for discussion in the other spot? So often I think something thought too cliché is still the best phrase. Guess that's why it was so powerful in the first place and why people tend to use it, heh-heh again and again. I brought it up because I thought it could weaken your poem for 'some.' You definitely bring up a good reason for using it. I, too, would like to see what others here have to say. Does something become cliché because it was so terribly powerful that many, many people read it and remembered it vividly? |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Virginia...LMAO...as this goes to Carl Jung and synchronicity (I just told a friend last night that I would CONSIDER posting in C/A---but the truth is...psssttt..Brad terrifies me...)ROFL...and thank you for taking my reply in the intended spirit! |
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Sigmund Freud Junior Member
since 2000-06-03
Posts 38Come to my couch... |
Did someone call va doctor... I see, vhis is very disturbing.. I vill have to analyize somemore and get back to vou. Dr. Freud |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
it's a fantastic piece of writing - wow! "I walked beside the evening sea and dreamed a dream that could not be." George William Curtis |
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jellybeans Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298 |
no not overdone, dreams are allowed to be vivid, what would a nightmare be if it wasn't...this is great...and yep, not sleeping I have been where "I don't know how to close my eyes twice" *shakes her head* that line says soooooo much, nice writing |
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A Whisper's Caress Senior Member
since 2000-11-03
Posts 791on the horizon of a fairytale |
Serenity, I love the twist here, very subtle turn. really really great writing. May your dreams always dance to the rhythm of a lover's heartbeat... |
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