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Jasna
| Open Poetry #12 |
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Jasna |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada 
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Jasna The rain on the cabin windows drifts like rinse waves in a car wash. My fingers searching minor sevenths, my ardent gaze the portside rail to see Jasna leaning there. The summer's frothy waves spread wide our trolling laughter mixed with spray her shapely form against the rail. I tune to open G, where all blues and heartaches follow when. From sacred space her spirit falls a surreal vision cosmos sent. Devolved from humid heavy mist her blue-eyed radiance beams in quondam pose leaning there. With writhing suck of breath to heart my ebbing guitar descants play to fairing pains of her demise. I cry out with odes and tears to see Jasna leaning there. Note: An old high school sweetheart that I used to go boating with died very young with cancer. I have always wondered and I can't help but do so even now.....thirty years later. Everytime I go boating this comes to mind and yes, she used to lean against the portside rail and had a heart full of laughter and love. I can't find the right song to pay tribute to her although I've tried and that's unusual for me because I love to write songs, but there just isn't one good enough even after all this time???.....Valentine day brings this out in me once in a while.... this is a repost. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Eric Lewis True - All Rights Reserved | |||
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ATelamon Member
since 2001-02-06
Posts 328Purgatory, Last Staircase, Up |
Poignant in its near moment hallowed rememberance. Well done. AT While it may be true that "No man is an island..." You must admit there are some extremely large peninsulas out there. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Eric, I was not ready to shed tears so early this Sunday morning...I am stunned...and all I can say is...for some reason, I know, one day...one day, the tune will come...and it will be the sweetest notes you have ever strummed.... thank you.... |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Thank you so much ATelamon for taking the time to read this...take care... ethome. Well Karilea, some things, they're just hard to do. I thank you so much for the tears of kindness and for the encouragement....have a nice day....ethome Eric |
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Marsha
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423Maidstone Kent England |
P T dear heart, this is as always one beautiful write, I wasn't ready to cry so early either, but you have me sitting here with tears streaming down my face. Not that it's early here, I've finished work and I am home, only your writing could make me cry like this. So utterly sad, and utterly wonderful. I shall keep this one dear heart because it is fabulously written. You don't know how glad I am see you back in the forums. I've missed you love and your poetry Take care as always love Mushy  Take back the hope you gave,- I claim Only a memory of the same Robert Browning |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Thank you Mushy for your sweet comments I'm always so happy to hear from you. I didn't mean to make you cry but I'm glad you read this....love to ya PT |
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Charisma
since 2000-09-30
Posts 5906lost in blue pages |
oh my, what a heartfelt piece.....and one day you will find the right tune...you allready carry it in your heart...excellent penned my friend |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
ETHome~ Such poignant beauty in your thoughts of Jasna. What a beautiful name ... the thoughts that float on her memories will bring many tunes to play across your heart. Perhaps she comes to hear you because she thinks all the songs are the right ones ? And perhaps to keep you inspired to always reach for more. Beautifully written, my friend. ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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JLR Senior Member
since 2001-02-04
Posts 1785 |
It gives me a kind of peace to know she still lives in you. What a precious heart you have. |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
I tune to open G, where all blues and heartaches follow when. From sacred space her spirit falls a surreal vision cosmos sent. Devolved from humid heavy mist her blue-eyed radiance beams in quondam pose leaning there. With writhing suck of breath to heart my ebbing guitar descants play to fairing pains of her demise. I cry out with odes and tears to see Jasna leaning there. ==================================== Eric this is so beautiful... your heartsrtings are playing on high and strumming mine as well. While this may not be "the one" you want to write for her... it is a lovely touching tribute to her... in time..when you least expect it.. she will whisper a memory across your heart and the song you want will just come .. trust me...I know ... I hear butterflies whispering when I need them most love to ya E-babes jm Where the touch of the lover ends And the soul of the friend begins There's a need to be separate and a need to be one And a struggle neither wins |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Absolutely lovely - heart wrenchingly poignant in fact... this part really got me: From sacred space her spirit falls a surreal vision cosmos sent. Devolved from humid heavy mist her blue-eyed radiance beams in quondam pose leaning there. I have a couple of suggestions: I wonder if 'rinse waves' might work better as 'rinse-waves'? And, 'trolling laughter' is very awkward...the word trolling detracts from the gentle tones...I don't know, something about it doesn't seem to fit. What do you think?  K- it was not an unmusical sound: long, falling, half a sigh, like wind in the wires, or a train distancing. From The Muse of Distance, A. William |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
one day. . . the music will come. . . soon. . . don't miss it. . . I know that you won't. . . very touching my friend. . . superb. . . ----------------------------------------------------------- To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Thank you Charisma for the comments I appreciate them so much. Thanks Marge I'm glad you could take the time to read this...I will find a tune maybe but it's a hard job. JLR thanks for the comment about my heart, I try, sometimes I wonder.....thanks again. Hey my poet pet! I may find the right tune Janet and yes you're right the inspiration is still there..otherwise thanks for spoiling me with your kind words and comments...you're VANtastic! Thanks for the beautiful word Severn I appreciate it very much. I can take to the hyphen in rinse-waves I always forget that anyway...so thanks so much....I don't have any problem with trolling...Webster's Dictionary defines it "to sing parts of a song in succession."......."to fish by trolling a lure or a bait."..."to sing or play jovially." the latter being the one that described us the best and I associate it with the noise of the water and the motor out on the water.....thanks again for taking the time to make these suggestions I really appreciate so much....ethome Thank you Sven I'm always glad to hear from you...and yes maybe I will find a way to say it right someday...I certainly am more comfortable with the memories now than I ever was......ethome. |
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Rosemary J. Gwaltney Senior Member
since 1999-08-26
Posts 997northern mountains, Idaho |
I can almost see Jasna there - and I can feel your pain in your words ... to lose a love through death is to keep it forever. And yes, it hurts, because love makes a place in a heart, and when it's ripped out, leaving a wound, there will always be a scar. I'm so very sorry for your loss, and thank you for sharing this! Beautifully written. |
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Mark Bohannan Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269In the winds of Cherokee song |
Eric, the song will come when it is needed most and I am sure of that. One day you will pick up that guitar and before you know it the chords will find you and your fingers will find the rhythm and your ears will hear the lyrics. What a beautiful though very sad reflection from you. |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Thank you Rosemary for the fine comments, glad to hear your thoughts. Thank you Mark. You're probably right, even though it hasn't happened yet, maybe some day it will. In the meantime I will cherish the memories as I always do. Thanks again! Reality seldom bears the possibilities of imagination! |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Eric--A lovely lady lives in your memory now...and her song is in you. |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
very beautiful and lovingly display of your heart..~S ~Wynter "The worst prison would be a closed heart". ...Pope John Paul II |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Martie thanks for the fine thoughts and comments. Thank you Wynter for the encouraging words. |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
This is touching...our heart misses some more than others...James |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Thanks James and your words are oh so true! The poet is like a cocoon; in him the caterpillar of the past finds rest, and from him the butterfly of the future emerges. |
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Packratmike Senior Member
since 2001-02-25
Posts 632California, USA |
ethome......a wonderfully, emotional poem. Thank you for sharing. You WILL find the right song one day. Search for it with her hand on your shoulder. Write it, knowing she will hear it. Packratmike |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Thank you Mike very kind of you to say so! The poet is like a cocoon; in him the caterpillar of the past finds rest, and from him the butterfly of the future emerges. |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
If this is the only tribute you ever write for her, you've honored her with these fine words. *S* But I'll have to side with those who tell you to not give up... I don't write music, but I've had poems show up over 30 years after the fact... and to be honest, maybe I needed all those years to prepare for the power of the remembered emotions. *S* Just keep the pen, the paper, and the guitar handy. *S* Beautiful! |
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