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Open Poetry #12
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666
California

0 posted 2001-02-08 01:50 PM


A POET'S ENDEAVOR

I walk the lonely street at night,
Give soft bequeath a soundless tune;
Upon a sea of starless light
Floating beneath the lover's moon.

The melody, a grim refrain,
I've lingered long within her spell;
That none should see through to the pain
Deep in a song I've played so well.

A piper's tone, I must attest,
Ah, Misery and company.
But stood alone, if cursed or blessed,
I ne'er could see a worth to me.

One man, one shell, inept recourse,
I rode the Night on my crusade.
But living hell gives no remorse,
That Death must smite each promise made.

By torrents shed or veils drawn,
By vision shorn to Dream's protest;
All hope lie dead by Dark of Dawn,
All love forlorn forever, lest...

By dream of Day this song is heard,
And in her eyes, the virtue met
That in someway bespeaks a word,
To my surprise I have not yet.

Michael Anderson




[This message has been edited by Michael (edited 02-08-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 Michael Anderson - All Rights Reserved
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
1 posted 2001-02-08 01:52 PM


Michael...so GOOD to see you posting with more frequency....we've all been parched for your words, and now you are quenching us with much needed rain...

this is SO good!

Celeste
Senior Member
since 2000-11-11
Posts 597

2 posted 2001-02-08 01:53 PM


Wonderful rhythm to this.  You have a wonderful individual voice that really shines!  

To capture and live a moment is truly living


OLIAS
Senior Member
since 2000-06-20
Posts 1090
Pearl city Iowa
3 posted 2001-02-08 02:09 PM


Great use of language, very descriptive there is something gothic about this piece, I love it, you are very talented sir, thank you.

Regards,
Olias.

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
4 posted 2001-02-08 04:34 PM


Mike,
A talented piece of writing.

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA
5 posted 2001-02-08 06:26 PM


Michael...beautiful work here. Drop me a line sometime and let me know how the publishing is going.
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley
6 posted 2001-02-08 06:36 PM


Honest opinion - perfect poem!!

Critique? Are you kidding me? Michael you have never written anything that needs revision!!

Wonderful to see you here twice in one day!!  

Poeminister
Senior Member
since 2000-02-26
Posts 1862
Regina SK; Canada
7 posted 2001-02-08 06:43 PM


I concur with all the above, superb writing.  Enjoyed the read.

Poeminister

"The soul can split the sky in two,
And let the face of God shine through."
~Millay

Meadowmuse
Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263

8 posted 2001-02-08 07:15 PM


Michael, a solemn poem. This piece scans nearly perfectly all the way through. You may want to look at S1 L4, S5 L1 for very minor adjustments, but oh how lovely this reads. In fact, reading this reminds me how much I have enjoyed your work in the past.  (and look forward to reading more)(o:

Claire

Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant?......Henry David Thoreau


Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666
California
9 posted 2001-02-10 02:33 AM


Sunshine, well I hope I can be around more to quench all of your thirsts.  

Dreamkeeper, thank you for such a nice responce.  I have not had the pleasure of reading anything of yours yet, but I will look for some of your work soon.

OLIAS, thank you for the compliment.  I try to be "gothic" in a sence without even realizing it I think.  Glad you appreciate the style.

Sy, always good to hear from you, thank you.

Ruth, will do - good to see you here again, btw.

PdV, are you kidding, nothing's ever perfect... Least of all my poetry.  If we settled for this, what good would it be to keep writing?

Poeminister, glad you enjoyed the read.

Claire, I'm glad you found the piece pleasurable.  I, too, felt it was kind of "forced" in a couple of places.  Will definately look at the lines you pointed out.


Thank you all for the kind replies,


Michael

Sven
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA
10 posted 2001-02-10 11:53 PM


perhaps all is right with the world again. . .

thank you Michael. . .  

----------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

Honeybee
Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372
Ontario, CANADA
11 posted 2001-02-11 12:40 PM



My god, Michael, this is phenomenally expressed, full of deep sadness.  You turn words into gems, into the library this goes

Take care,
Melissa~

CocoBaci
Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 3043

12 posted 2001-02-12 01:04 AM


Michael, it is indeed a delight to find a poem you write and like our friends above have said this is a jewel and a brilliant write by you...
Thank you for the enjoyed read...
coco

Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

13 posted 2001-02-12 02:45 AM


Honest opinions eh?

Hokies - damn near perfect flow. That is fairly honest - and hard for a critic like myself to say but there it is...lol

wonderful to read you again Michael...

it was a pleasure

K


- it was not an
unmusical sound: long, falling, half a sigh,
like wind in the wires, or a train distancing.

The Muse of Distance, A. Williamson

Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666
California
14 posted 2001-02-12 04:10 AM


Sven, all is as it should be in my world...LOL  I don't know how far that would expand into other's, however.  

Melissa, quite a deep compliment.  I'm glad the feeling came through in this one for you.

Coco, always good to see you here.  I'm so glad you enjoyed this one.

Kamla, ROFL - I know how hard that must've been for you....LOL  Thank you, but you give me way TOO much credit I am sure.

Thank you all for the kind replies.

Micahel

Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
15 posted 2001-02-12 07:23 AM


Hey my cohort and friend... I really like this one - and I'm soooooooo glad all's well in your world - Your writing is as exceptional as ever, m'dear...

Waft every crest upon your destined sea.
Embrace the Wave of Serendipity,
Lest its elusive arcane ecstasy
Refurl with sail for all eternity.

Swamp¤Faeryie
Member
since 2000-12-04
Posts 393
fairyland....of course;)
16 posted 2001-02-18 04:53 PM


I was just coastin' through my library and noticed this,one of your more recent posts,thought i'd drop in to say how good it is!! i esp. liked
"A piper's tone, I must attest,
Ah, Misery and company.
But stood alone, if cursed or blessed,
I ne'er could see a worth to me."

That's such a great line,your talent never ceases to amaze me...excellent excellent peice of work!!

¤sam¤



Do i contradict myself?Very well i contradict myself.I contain multitudes.~walt whitman

Aimster
Member Elite
since 2000-02-19
Posts 4297
Charlotte, NC
17 posted 2001-02-19 05:56 AM


michael-

it is wonderful to see your name upon
these pages once more! beautiful yet
sad writing you have penned here...loved
this! your writing always touches
deep within...dare i say even infinite!
just an awesome write as always.

take care.
~amy~

"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart & can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."


Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada
18 posted 2001-02-19 06:55 AM


"The melody, a grim refrain,
I've lingered long within her spell;
That none should see through to the pain
Deep in a song I've played so well."

"A piper's tone, I must attest,
Ah, Misery and company.
But stood alone, if cursed or blessed,
I ne'er could see a worth to me."

Excellent writing, with a splendid flow Michael. I find your words to have incredible depth as always, and so thought-provoking. I often feel as though I'm merely an actor in a grand play, and something about your words captured that feeling exquisitely for me. An amazing read, very much enjoyed your thoughts in this.

Best wishes,
/Kit

suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
19 posted 2001-02-20 11:43 AM


One man... with so much worth, blessing us with perfect poetry. *S* This is a haunting beauty, Michael!
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