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Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554


0 posted 2001-02-06 12:07 PM


this was a challenge from back in open 7,
the challenge was to write using the old phrase "tears of a clown"..
thank you much to sweet Melissa Honeybee for the compliment of wanting to see it again...
maybe some others will want to try this one again.
On another note ... I am having problems replying to poems ...
apparently others are also (posted in Bug Swatter)
some threads will not load ...
no matter how many times I try in the course of the day.
I have been told this is being checked into,
just dont want anyone to think I am asleep at the wheel        

*******


~Tears Of A Clown~

I learned all my lessons the hard way ... most of them I learned twice,
I learned life don't always have happy endings ...
and being a woman 'aint always sugar and spice.

And I realized a long time ago ... no one wants you when your down,
honest emotions and real pain are too much for most to handle ...
so I learned to dress them up and to cry the tears of a clown.

Keep them always guessing ... never let them know what's in store,
always leave them laughing ...
always leave them wanting more.

Its like suffering in silence ... only turned inside out,
hide the pain with the laughter ...
never let them see your fears ... the loneliness ... or all the self doubt.

Please don't misunderstand me ... I love to make people smile,
I need to bring others pleasure ...
as it makes me feel valuable and worthwhile.

Still ... it's not easy ... always feeling everything ... so much,
and I wonder if it's not more of a weakness ...
when it breaks me down ... leaving me in need of an emotional crutch.

Sometimes fate can be unkind ... and the losses take their toll,
sometimes the damage runs too deep ...
and the scars leave their mark on a child's soul.

I don't want anyone's pity ... no one feeling sorry for me,
just simply try to understand ... and not judge ...
and if you cant ... then please just let me be.

Still, I try to look on the bright side ... and to wear the jesters crown,
I try to look for the positive ...
and I put most of my old demons on that last bus out of town.

To be honest I'm afraid to let it all show ... in the pain I might drown,
so I hide the emotions in the laughter ...
and I laugh till I cry ... I cry the tears of a clown.

Janet Marie
4/17/00    


"people say I'm the life of the party...
cause I tell a joke or two,
though I might be laughing loud and hearty...
deep inside Im blue...
so take a good look at my face...
you'll see my smile looks out of place,
and if you closer its easy to trace ...
the tracks of my tears."

Smokey Robinson ...
love it best by Linda Ronstadt    



Tomorrow holds only mystery
And who's to say what might be
But in you I've found a love so strong
The sun and the moon look on in jealousy
~VH~




[This message has been edited by Janet Marie (edited 02-06-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 Janet Marie - All Rights Reserved
Gothkitty
Junior Member
since 2001-02-05
Posts 32
Australia
1 posted 2001-02-06 12:11 PM


This is excellent wonderfully written sadness in your words,hope you find peace within yourself


gk

snowpants
Member Elite
since 2000-09-16
Posts 2061
KS
2 posted 2001-02-06 12:13 PM


'Its like suffering in silence ... only turned inside out,
hide the pain with the laughter ...
never let them see your fears ... the loneliness ... or all the self doubt.'

Excellent write, JM!  Or, as you would say...very cool!     Glad you reposted...I missed this one the first time around!

sp  


...if I ride these dreams to the Irish Sea,
oh, even there, I know your heart rides with me...

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
3 posted 2001-02-06 12:22 PM


Janet--Hi...repost, outpost, post post...whenever I see your name...I know I'm in for a treat.  Thanks for being you...yes, I know I've said that before and will say it again...so get used to it!!
Honeybee
Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372
Ontario, CANADA
4 posted 2001-02-06 12:50 PM



Thank you for posting this again    

Wow, this is so well penned, extraordinary, so many will relate to your deepest emotions. I can't say enough about this poem, I remember the challenge and you surpased it. I've read this poem 3 times already, into the library this goes!

~~~~
"And I realized a long time ago...nobody wants you when you're down,
honest emotions and real pain are too much for most to handle,
so I learned to dress them up and to cry the tears of a clown

Keep them guessing...never let them know what's in store,
always leave them laughing,
always leave them wanting more

To be honest, I'm afraid to let it all show...in the pain I might drown,
so I hide the emotions in laughter
and I laugh till I cry...I cry the tears of a clown"

I relate so much!

Well, as you see, I could quote every line in your poem that has touched me     but, i'll just stop here.  This poem reminds me of my childhood, the tears almost flowed, but, I'm glad that I could read this~  Thank you once again for posting this, my gator-friend

Take care,
Melissa~






[This message has been edited by Melissa Honeybee (edited 02-06-2001).]

Aimster
Member Elite
since 2000-02-19
Posts 4297
Charlotte, NC
5 posted 2001-02-06 02:00 AM


jan~
i don't think i ever saw this challenge...
and i certainly know this is the 1st
time I've seen this post of yours. i
would remember  

this is just so beautiful even though it
is heartbreakingly sad! so much emotion
and power weaved into this...can't help
but feel it! awesome write...

take care
~amy~


"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten
the words."


Kethry
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082
Victoria Australia
6 posted 2001-02-06 06:11 AM


JM,
this is so heartbreakingly sad but also so honest and real and I don't like this one not at all...I love it because it crept inside me and made a home.
Write on sorrow's song
Keth


Those of us who refuse to risk and grow get swallowed up by life. Patty Hansen.



Victoria
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Ascendant
since 2000-08-12
Posts 5869

7 posted 2001-02-06 07:20 AM


Thank you for posting this wonderful poem again and to melissa for
asking...HUGS.. I love smokey robinson too ha

                                                     ~V~

Charisma
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Ascendant
since 2000-09-30
Posts 5906
lost in blue pages
8 posted 2001-02-06 07:25 AM


wonderful read.....tears of a clown,  how we can relate on these.....

excellent penned as always JM

((hugs))
Charisma


hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA
9 posted 2001-02-06 08:38 AM


Oh yes, I remember it well  

~ Ruth
www.angelfire.com/pa/OriginalMinds/index.html

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
10 posted 2001-02-06 10:52 AM


Janet,
How old did you say you were?
There is more wisdom in this piece then some of the phylosophy books I've read. I've seen wisdom like this written before and the next stage is to live it. And by God from what I know you are well into the second stage.
God bless you Janet Marie
Winkiewinkie Stinky

CocoBaci
Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 3043

11 posted 2001-02-06 01:21 PM


Sometimes fate can be unkind ... and the losses take their toll,
sometimes the damage runs too deep ...
and the scars leave their mark on a child's soul
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
JM, I'm deeply moved by this poem and as our PoetFriend Seymour states, there is much wisdom in what you have expressed...

My compliments Janet for indeed this is an intelligent and humanistic write...

Psst.. I'd say it's beautiful but ya already know that sweetie...
~coco~

You get a lot more lesson mileage when you lose in some situations than always win...

laryalee
Member
since 2000-06-19
Posts 352
Alberta, Canada
12 posted 2001-02-06 01:33 PM


Janet Marie, this is  super - even though it's forlorn, hope is flitting about.

"and I put most of my old demons on that last bus out of town."

For some reason this idea really appeals to me - sounds like it could work -  I think I'll give it a try!
Thanks for your inspirations!
Lary

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

13 posted 2001-02-06 01:53 PM


Trying to reply m'twin....I remember this one fondly...and thanks also to Melissa for the repost request...Love ya much and I sure hope that THIS reply makes it through....(serenity crosses her fingers and hits "submit")
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

14 posted 2001-02-06 03:17 PM


Thank you all for such wonderful replies..
I am still having trouble doing my own replies .. so please forgive me not thanking all individually ...
and bear with me while I try to read all your poetry as well ...
thanks again to Melis for asking me to repost
and Sy ...how old I am depends on who ya ask...
some would tell ya 42 going on 90 ...
and some will say 42 going on 12  
today it feels like the first one LOL
thank you stinky ...
thank you all again.
jm

Tomorrow holds only mystery
And who's to say what might be
But in you I've found a love so strong
The sun and the moon look on in jealousy
~VH~

Mark Bohannan
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269
In the winds of Cherokee song
15 posted 2001-02-06 10:41 PM


I'll take you anyway that you care to give my friend........bet that is a shocker to ya now isn't it?  This was a wonderful poem and I don't care if you don't see the beauty in your write......WE ALL DO!!!!

BTW Sy.......don't let her kid you....she is 12 most of the time!!!  That is except when she has certain "Randy Dragons" on her mind....then she is at an age where we are trying to catch up. LOL  

Love the re-post my friend....now what ya gonna give us for Valentine's Day??

If you find yourself stranded in a storm
...then reach for my hand and we will play in the puddles together

Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
16 posted 2001-02-06 11:12 PM



Goodbye cruel world
I'm off to join the circus
gonna be
a broken-hearted clown
paint my face
with a good-for-nothing smile
cause a mean, fickle woman
turned my whole world upside down.

Goodbye, cruel world
I'm off to join the circus
Hey, Mr. Barnum!
Save a place for me.
Shoot me out of a cannon - I don't care
Let the people point at me and stare
I'll tell the world that woman,
whereever she may be,
that mean, fickle woman
Made a big clown out of me....

Remember that one, JM?

EagleScorpion
Senior Member
since 2000-03-08
Posts 1644
Here, Now, Forever
17 posted 2001-02-06 11:48 PM


You know, I sometimes feel like I'm a clown who hides all of my pain and self doubt behind a shield of laughter and entertainment. Why complain about it to anyone? I'm sure many people feel like they are this way. I say we, the clowns, should take the necessary time out to find someone that will answer with compassion and understanding when we bear our scars to them. The good people of this world wont respond negatively to your pain; the world is a good place, and it will come to heal and nurture your wounds like a caring mother.

I always seem to go about pitying myself; and all the while I'm being carried upon the grace of great winds.

EagleOne
Member Elite
since 2000-03-07
Posts 2829
Between a laugh and a tear...
18 posted 2001-02-07 05:54 AM


Hey Janet! Loved that song, and of course it goes without say loved your verse as well.

" I have seen without perceiving
I have been another man
Let me pierce the realm of glamour
So I know just what I am"....Dweller on the Threshold,

Nate Dogg
Senior Member
since 1999-11-15
Posts 1658
Georgia, Fulton
19 posted 2001-02-07 09:34 AM


Wow Janet, this is an excellent piece and you know what, I actually just wrote a poem called Sad Clown yesterday and it's very similar to yours in the way the persons disguises the pain with a smile...and then mine takes a twist and turn as you get to the ending....but nonetheless, people are gonna feel the same way when they read mine cause it's so powerful and sad.......anyways Janet, thanks for sharing this piece and damn, what a coincidence!!

Nathan

ethome
Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada
20 posted 2001-02-07 10:57 AM


Yeah I know what you mean my favourite poet pal. You wrote it all very well here and I have had the same feelings myself, those feelings of total emotional exposure are terrifying and unpredictable, but we go on within ourselves to cope with all that we have been given as a basic personality. You have gone through many thoughts here and I have to say brought out the theme of your thinking to the printed word so very well. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this from your point of view and then applying to my own perspective...the wonders of such communication are never ending...thanks so much for sharing your heart as you always do....etVANhome
ATelamon
Member
since 2001-02-06
Posts 328
Purgatory, Last Staircase, Up
21 posted 2001-02-07 11:43 AM


Impressive use of a rather tired line (a challenge, indeed). You turned it round and put wind back in those sails. Nicely done.

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

22 posted 2001-02-07 03:56 PM


thank you ALL for the wonderful and encouraging replies....
Im still having some replying and post loading problems but they are better than before ....
MC
Eagle Scorpion... you are so right.. thank you ...
and Nate... I look forward to your poem...
Ethome...your spoiling me again.
thank you to each of you  


Tomorrow holds only mystery
And who's to say what might be
But in you I've found a love so strong
The sun and the moon look on in jealousy
~VH~

Nate Dogg
Senior Member
since 1999-11-15
Posts 1658
Georgia, Fulton
23 posted 2001-02-07 07:22 PM


Hey Janet,   I don't post my most recent work right away but, I'll give you a sample of Sad Clown(the first stanza) so you can see,  what's to come in the future:            

Have you ever seen tears fall from a clown's eyes?
Probaly not cause, he cries when no one is around.
Don't be fooled by his smile, that's just a disguise
cause, he's really hurting inside, he's really down....he's a sad clown!

Take care, Janet!

Nathan

tracie66
Member Elite
since 2000-01-18
Posts 4713
Australia
24 posted 2001-02-07 07:28 PM


Oh Janny I do remember this and reading the second time round still made me feel the same way....wonderful write sweetie and I'm glad you reposted.
~HUGS~
Tracie~


Love is the life of the soul...
It is the harmony of the universe



Greeneyes
Deputy Moderator 50 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind
25 posted 2001-02-07 10:26 PM


oh wow Janet Marie...this is stunning, and I am so much the wiser for you having reposted this....Just Wow poet friend....   


Greeneyes~


***


"Within you I lose myself
Without you I find myself
Wanting to be lost again."
-Unknown



StumperDaBumper
Junior Member
since 2000-12-20
Posts 19
State of Mind, Compassion USA
26 posted 2001-02-09 08:36 PM


Bumpintine
Bumpintine
Won't a bump
be mighty fine
Another trip
around the forum
cause I think
it's awful boring
without a little
bump or two
Here's one from me
just for you!

Happy Bumpintine!


Are we having fun yet?

Chelsea~
Member
since 2001-02-09
Posts 260
Ontario, CANADA
27 posted 2001-02-09 09:08 PM



Just so sad, I used to feel this way. You are a great writer, I really like this

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

28 posted 2001-02-10 12:42 PM


Thank you everyone for the wonderful replies..

Nate...thanks for the preview..

GE ... I dont know about wiser...but I thank ya for thinking so  

Welcome Chelsea ..  


and to our new friend "da bumper" ...
I thank you kindly for the lift ....
and while your poetic heart is in the right place ....
(and I dont want to seem ungrateful or rude here)...
perhaps you could use your kind bumpingtine gesture on some of the posts that get lost with only a few replies and could use the boost much more than a post that has already been so wonderfully blessed....

that is the real gift and need of a bump ...
to give some new poets or less read posts a second run thru a much too busy forum....

thanks again for the kind gesture  
thank you all for the kind replies
love ya
jm


Heaven bound on wings of love,
there's so much that you can rise above.
I surrender heart and soul,
sacrificed to a higher goal.
~DepechMode~

suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
29 posted 2001-02-13 11:42 AM


I've read this one several times and will re-read it many times again... the depth is just incredible. Like Kethry said... this one walked straight into my heart.

"hide the pain with the laughter ...
never let them see your fears ... the loneliness ... or all the self doubt."

What can I say but WOW... and mourn that somewhere, a mask store is making a fortune off some of the dearest people in the world.


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