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Open Poetry #12
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jellybeans
Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298


0 posted 2001-02-05 09:41 AM


as you saw it
i was surely guilty
well i should say guilty
as you define it to be

diffusing the situation pretrial
or so i thought
i handed you a gun loaded
with my apology

how was i to know that you
planned
to turn it
on yourself melodramatically

falling but never planning
to hit the ground,
held up by the arms of the many
dictionary toting fans waiting
to hear
testimony

the bleeding
was purely for effect

but only i could see
that with a gag i could have
stopped it easily

linguistics and theatrics kept
the many enthralled
and i knew when i was out
numbered

so i offered you a thesaurus
to aid in your self-defense
put away the gun
and any more
apologies

as i headed out the door
the fans were repeating
the truths brought to light that day,
well, i should say
the truth
as you define it to be

© Copyright 2001 jellybeans - All Rights Reserved
Irish Rose
Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263

1 posted 2001-02-05 09:47 AM


I'm guessing this is about an English teacher?  I found it interesting but confusing.   I like your style.

"I walked beside the evening sea and dreamed a dream that could not be." George William Curtis



hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA
2 posted 2001-02-05 09:50 AM


This is one you have to read several times...very interesting  

~ Ruth
www.angelfire.com/pa/OriginalMinds/index.html

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
3 posted 2001-02-05 10:30 AM


Jellybean,
Excellent writing, those words are pure jellybeans. And your mind runs all the colors. Loved it Sy

jellybeans
Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298

4 posted 2001-02-05 11:54 AM


kathleen, no, not a teacher, just people politics, and how some people want to win at all costs...others just walk away

hoot, thank you, most of mine is crystal clear, this one maybe a bit hazy  

seymore, thank you much, I thought maybe i had missed the mark on this one, till you commented  

suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
5 posted 2001-02-05 12:35 PM


There are those who will always demand the spotlight and center stage.... but I guess I'm a candlelight and quiet corner type... for their melodramatics just make me tired! LOL

This is very thought-provoking... even if it does remind me a bit of my old boss and her rants! LOL. Well done!

jellybeans
Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298

6 posted 2001-02-05 01:37 PM


thanks suthern   I wish we could all just get along, lol, but then I was always a dreamer  
hugs lady

Secret Whisper
Member
since 2001-01-25
Posts 298
Through the Looking Glass
7 posted 2001-02-05 03:01 PM


Amazing how you can read peoples behavior so incredibly well! You express something I have a hard time even defining. Brilliant.

~alison~

"Close your eyes, and you'll see."

dragonpoe
Senior Member
since 2000-11-12
Posts 608
Palm Bay, Florida
8 posted 2001-02-05 03:33 PM


This is a mystifying piece. Metaphorical and challenging to understand, but that is its power. I am guessing you put alot of effort into this piece, to me, it shows..
Enjoyed the read.

With the word, I am mighty, with the pen I am free..
dragonpoe

jellybeans
Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298

9 posted 2001-02-05 03:53 PM


well dragonpoe, i almost wanted to explain this one, but this is one that you have to have seen or been the victim of to understand, there are a few replies like seymore, suthern and secret that tell me they know exactly what I mean, if you would like more you can email me

secret whisper, thank you, your reply means much  

laryalee
Member
since 2000-06-19
Posts 352
Alberta, Canada
10 posted 2001-02-05 04:02 PM


This is fascinating, Jellybeans!  I see it with a 'strobe-light' effect - every time I read it I get a different-colored flash!  Some really great lines  - chuckles with  serious overtones....and if the parts are greater than the sum of its whole - I think that's allowed!
Thoroughly enjoyed it!
Lary

doreen peri
Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812
Virginia
11 posted 2001-02-05 04:32 PM


JB- your talent is showing again......  
Nate Dogg
Senior Member
since 1999-11-15
Posts 1658
Georgia, Fulton
12 posted 2001-02-05 07:38 PM


Wow, this piece kept me in from star to finish(which isn't an easy task)....excellent piece, Jellybeans!

Nathan

David2
Member
since 2000-03-22
Posts 407

13 posted 2001-02-05 07:49 PM


Jellybeans,
     You have a definite knack for grabbing your reader and enthralling them. I truly enjoyed reading this. thanks,
                David2

jellybeans
Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298

14 posted 2001-02-06 09:29 AM


doreen...it is???? where??? lol not really talent, its just the ability to get the words out of my head with enough clarity to let my muse sleep at night

Nate, thank you   very nice of you to say, this was a funny piece, some got it, some didnt', glad you did

david, what a nice compliment, thank you much

emily
Member
since 2000-10-03
Posts 142
USA
15 posted 2001-02-06 11:35 AM


I don't understand why a poem has to be "gotten" shouldn't it be written to be understood by the reader, whomever he or she may be?

I enjoyed it, but not the guessing game ....     


jellybeans
Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298

16 posted 2001-02-06 11:59 AM


emily, thank you for your comments, there was no guessing game, it was just the kind of poem that you either 'got' it or you didn't...not to say that all people got it the same, but to say that it brought about an understanding......i will explain my poems if asked, but to me a better poem is one that doesn't need explanation  
Sven
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA
17 posted 2001-02-06 12:42 PM


this is excellent. . . it holds so much for the reader. . . I loved it. . .

and I know what it's like to be in front of that jury. . .  

----------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

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