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Open Poetry #12
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I gave you power (part 2)
| Open Poetry #12 |
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I gave you power (part 2) |
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Nate Dogg Senior Member
since 1999-11-15
Posts 1658Georgia, Fulton |
Man, it's been a while since I been here but, I'm back with some good stuff right here....I basically freestyled this off the top of my head as I was typing cause the original rhymes were poorly done and the whole poem needed to be revised.....anyways,...I hope y'll like it!! I'm a very powerful object, a small, compact version of hell, you can find me in the heart of projects, and in small, artillary shops, that I dwell. If you load me, shoot me, and hit your target, you'll most likely end up in prison or jail and if you worn me out to death, left too much blood tracks behind your trail, you're probaly facing life with no parole or bail. The second amendment says, "you have the right to bear me" despite the fact, that most people fear me, and won't put themselves near me cause, I've caused to much chaos, put too much civilian bodies in cemetaries, and killed too many soldiers and mercenaries as I been through and seen it all, from the fear in the victim's eyes, to the tears that he/she cries, before my triggers gets pulled and they die. Right now as I speak, I lying, crying on a shelf, worn-out, dusty, and rusty, as my body is worn-out and old, from carrying such a large load. I just wanna be emptied and left alone so, I've decided to jam myself, so that I wouldn't kill, nobody else cause, I'm sick of death and all these sad stories I tell, and I think that objects like me, should melt in hell, caused I originally surfaced with a purpose, but now, I've been misused and abused, by every man, and even got into children hands as those reasons alone, is why I should be eternally banned cause, the good ones, don't deserve to die, and you can ask God cause, he's the first to cry. P.S. If you wanna read part 1(which was about me being a dollar bill), let me know so, that I'll post it cause otherwise, I probaly won't...peace!!! |
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Mother_Earth Senior Member
since 2000-11-20
Posts 13701/2 year Texas & 1/2 year Michigan |
Sir, the ( ) its self isn't the problem and can't do any thing by its self! Did you ever see one walking on the street or driving a car or going to a church or school? I never have. But you can leave it on the shelf or in a drawer or where ever and will be safe until "it" gets a ride by some one!! ME |
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inot2B Member Elite
since 2000-09-18
Posts 2205Arkansas |
I've read your words and do not totally agree. No the good ones don't deserve to die but I have the right to carry and no one should be able to take that away. We must take responsiblity for our own actions and not punish everyone. [This message has been edited by inot2B (edited 01-27-2001).] |
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Nate Dogg Senior Member
since 1999-11-15
Posts 1658Georgia, Fulton |
Ah man, look what I've done....I think I've pissed off a couple of people....and both of you are taking this interpeting this piece wrong way and putting words into my mouth....I made this poem out to be metaphorical so I could focus entirely on one thing so mother earth, I know, you don't have to tell me that and inot, I've never said you couldn't carry did I? However, I will stick by my stance when I say, it should be banned from the hands of all man! By the way, this is not the critique board so if feel the need to critque, email me and we can discuss or otherwise, if you don't you wanna positively compliment my poem, then just don't say nothing at all. Peace,(smiles) Nathan |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
let's not lose our tempers here, this is a nice place! Kathleen |
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Nate Dogg Senior Member
since 1999-11-15
Posts 1658Georgia, Fulton |
I'm trying not to get to upset Kathleen, I guess I couldn't hide my dissapointment, cause I don't take criticism to well, especially since I'm such an intense, perfectionist that puts my blood, sweat, tears, and my heart and soul, into this poem only to recieve negative reviews....and if anybody had anything negative to say, should just email and we can discuss this privately, like I said before but nevertheless, I'm not mad at anybody, it's just was a spur of the moment thing that's all! Peace, Nathan [This message has been edited by Nate Dogg (edited 01-27-2001).] |
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inot2B Member Elite
since 2000-09-18
Posts 2205Arkansas |
My mistake, I thought what you wrote was very well said, but felt you wouldn't mind my feelings on what was said. I HAVE LEARNED! WHEN I READ YOU I WILL ONLY COMMENT ON FORM AND STYLE AND IF I DON'T LIKE THAT I'LL KEEP MY COMMENTS TO MYSELF. May PEACE be with you!!!!! |
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Mother_Earth Senior Member
since 2000-11-20
Posts 13701/2 year Texas & 1/2 year Michigan |
Aman, inot2B!!! I think "someone" needs to come into the real world. If you can't take the heat.... get out of the kitchen. I don't think either of us said anything wrong, but you can bet, this chick will stay away from your poems. Sorry you are so thin skinned! Mother_Earth |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Nate, my friend~ The metaphor is uniquely done. I don't have to agree with the philosophy, to enjoy the write.  You've put some valid propositions of persuasion in this piece ... and I respect the handling of your thoughts. 'I just wanna be emptied and left alone so, I've decided to jam myself, so that I wouldn't kill, nobody else cause, I'm sick of death and all these sad stories I tell, and I think that objects like me, should melt in hell, caused I originally surfaced with a purpose, but now, I've been misused and abused, by every man, and even got into children hands as those reasons alone, is why I should be eternally banned' This is powerful, poet. You know that I'll continue to read your thoughts and ideas. Peace be to your heart, Nate. *Hugs* ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
this is a sensitive subject matter. I am in security and work with law enforcement. It's sad that the protectors must carry guns in order to defend themselves and others against those people that decide to use their "right" to gain money or power or relief from anger. I don't believe that guns should be needed by anyone, and I carry a .357 magnum when I'm on duty. If this was a perfect world and everyone followed the rules, then we wouldn't need guns. We wouldn't need laws. But it's not a perfect world. |
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Nate Dogg Senior Member
since 1999-11-15
Posts 1658Georgia, Fulton |
(surprised look) Wow, I have to say that I'm surprised and very grateful for more posts from my fellow friends....okay, now it's time to once again open my big mouth(ha, ha) Okay inot, I think I overeacted(shamed look) to your reply cause the more I read it the more that I see that you didn't mean anything by it...I think I read to fast and overreacted because there was no good compliments to be found...I'm sorry inot for lashing out like that....feel free to speak your mind if you wish...I promise I won't get mad next time(smiles) Okay mother earth, you, not inot seem to be the more feisty one but, like I said before, this piece is more of a metaphorical piece and the main focus was on the gun and not on the people that use it...oh yeah, I will continue to read inot poem or anybody else ones...you don't know me well enough to say that...heck, I'll continue to read to yours as well as everyone cause, if you've got good work, I will read....thanks for reposting, I just wished you had emailed your post cause, it just wasn't pleasing at all to my eyes...I guess that's how I feel but peace Mother Earth and may we cross paths again!(smiles) Okay Marge, my sweetheart thanks for your appreciative comments...I knew that you would appreciate this piece I wrote....I am ever grateful when you compliment me cause, you're the epitome of a great poet...I love you and thanks for being there guide me through my times on this board...I truly didn't realize that this piece would be powerful as I freestyled it off my dome but, now that you said it, I feel that it this piece is truly powerful...thanks Marge, for helping me to see this...peace and love always. To passing shadows, thank you very much on your input and I agree with everything you said...thanks for posting. Whew! I made it through but before I go, I wanna thank everyone who read and posted on my board....I don't get much posts anyways but I always apreciate the ones who post, I love you all and continue to write, shine, and display your colorful rainbows....peace! P.S. Damn, sometimes I feel like a talk-show host with some of these poems I write and the way people react....I learned and I now I truly know that everyone won't like what I say and I can't help that but, what I will do is continue to use my gifts that God has bestowed upon me and anyone(such as Marge) who truly likes the way I write, then continue to ride Nate Dogg's express train...cause, once I pick you up, you won't wanna get off..... peace!(damn, those words might be a start for a new poem!)***smilies**** Nathan |
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inot2B Member Elite
since 2000-09-18
Posts 2205Arkansas |
Hello Nate Dogg Guess what, you have written a GREAT Piece. I know that because you caused all who read it to THINK! |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
thanks Nathan...and welcome back. |
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Nate Dogg Senior Member
since 1999-11-15
Posts 1658Georgia, Fulton |
I wanna thank you two, inot and passing shadows...I could never truly abandon Passions cause, Passions embraced me with open arms my first day here and I'll never forget... thank you Inot, passing shadow, and all poets on this website....love you all.....bye!!!< !signature--> Nathan [This message has been edited by Nate Dogg (edited 01-29-2001).] |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Interesting Nate...I found a gun in a storm drain down in Waikiki and I wrote a poem about it...some of my feelings about guns...just a real casual piece...perhaps I will post it sometime...Guns...you can't live with them and you can't live without them....James |
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Nate Dogg Senior Member
since 1999-11-15
Posts 1658Georgia, Fulton |
Thank you James, for your wonderful comments! Nathan |
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Mother_Earth Senior Member
since 2000-11-20
Posts 13701/2 year Texas & 1/2 year Michigan |
Nate, I have never replied 3 times to the same poem! When I first read this, I had just read an article about putting warnings on guns to protect the inocent. I know I over reacted and am sorry I took it out on you and let everyone see how "little" I had become. I want to say I am sorry to you and to all the others who read this. Your poem was great, it was just the subject-matter that got to me. ME |
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Charisma
since 2000-09-30
Posts 5906lost in blue pages |
"I just wanna be emptied and left alone" your words touched me, as I know that many people abusing weapons and you captured it very powerful. yes, I can see the message behind your words.....the suffering and the pain within. and it is the true, the good ones, doesn't deserve to die....but they always do... yes this is a heartfelt powerful piece, and a warning what can happen caused with an abused weapon. Well done Charisma |
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Nate Dogg Senior Member
since 1999-11-15
Posts 1658Georgia, Fulton |
Wow, I wanna thank Mother Earth and Charisma, for looking back to find my poem....I appreciate that very much......thank you Mother Earth, I'm glad you liked it and you too, Charisma..I'm also very glad that you liked it!!! Nathan |
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