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Open Poetry #12
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schizophrenics on speed
| Open Poetry #12 |
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schizophrenics on speed |
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desperado Member
since 1999-05-24
Posts 312FT Hood,Tx 
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you thought that I was crazy when I showed you what was mine, you said I'd never make it and it was all some bull**** line I told you that I loved you in my simple little way around the corner down the street the words were a mile away in the world of hopes and broken dreams I live in simple peace from start to finish it's all it seems you're just a simple short term lease here today and gone tomorrow you'll never truely see the shallow impact of our lives if you aren't who you can be but you seem to think it nonsense and it's all just talk I spew it's who I am and what I know and it's also what I do love me then leave me don't ask me to stay feed me then eat me from night until day torture and love me with the words you say anger and please me in every which way smile because you love me not because it's true because the truth is contagious letting me self destruct is good to do so turn me on and walk away a bomb with almost no delay and who will tell the secret rhyme trapped forever inside lost time I once thought myself insane inside a dusty ship now I know that what I saw was just your upper lip upclose upside inside out right to left without a doubt backwards forewards reverse drive we do what we must to stay alive cry shout sing if you must remember they bury only crust your memories and dreams leave with you the only thing left behind is what you do "There were times in my life when I was going insane tryin to walk through the pain when I lost my grip and I hit the floor yeah I thought I cou |
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| © Copyright 2001 James Webster - All Rights Reserved | |||
Saxoness
since 1999-07-18
Posts 1102Texas |
Ok, so, since all I've been doing for the last week is editing and critiqing for the literary magazine, I'll keep this brief. I like the subject matter. It's a very visual piece, which is always present in your writing. "love me then leave me don't ask me to stay feed me then eat me from night until day torture and love me with the words you say anger and please me in every which way" are the best lines to me, they really jumped out. All in all a good piece, one for the library. Good job cutie. "Glory remains unaware of my neglected dwelling where alone I sing my tearful song which has charms only for me." |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
A very interesting and smooth flowing poem...James |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
oh yeah. Enjoyed this much. Loved "this-is-how-it-is" tone of this. |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
ok, first of all, des, HELLLOOOO there, you NUT you! i got the wine coolers chilled, and i'm sitting over here just waiting to offer you one in my usual casual hostess style.... but.... on to the poem... the title is fabulous!!! i wish i had written that but i was too paranoid and my heart was racing too fast to think of it so i'll speed right on to my favorite lines which were these-- "you're just a simple short term lease" - damn!! THAT says it all, kiddo! "letting me self destruct is good to do so turn me on and walk away a bomb with almost no delay and who will tell the secret rhyme trapped forever inside lost time" --BOOM!!! love it! "upclose upside inside out right to left without a doubt backwards forewards reverse drive we do what we must to stay alive" - excellent phrasing and ain't it the truth... ok, gotta get back to work, just wanted to check this one out, say hi, and tell ya i'm sorry i haven't written but i've been experiencing a little paranoid-schizophrenic dilemma and have been busy playing in the traffic and as you know, speed kills, so be careful out there with all those jeeps and grenades and stuff and let me know when you get to TX.. *wink*... take care!- write & post when you can.. good to see you're still thinking about it all...   |
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desperado Member
since 1999-05-24
Posts 312FT Hood,Tx |
thanks you guys for replying. you know, I wrote this yesterday and didn't really think it was that good, but I sit here and read it and I can tell that this is just something that grows on you for a minute or two and it completely changes after a little while. just wanted to share that thought while it was umm kinda out there in my head. just think, I only have about 110 more days or so (my departure date from korea is around the 9th of May, who would have thought it would be this soon). perhaps I really won't go out of my mind. "There were times in my life when I was going insane tryin to walk through the pain when I lost my grip and I hit the floor yeah I thought I cou |
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2dalimit Member Elite
since 2000-02-08
Posts 2228Mississippi coast |
desperado, ...your memories and dreams leave with you the only thing left behind is what you do... True words, my friend. Melton |
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1slick_lady Member Ascendant
since 2000-12-22
Posts 6088standing on a shadow's lace |
I must have read this 10 times, it gets better every time I read it.Nice! helen |
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desperado Member
since 1999-05-24
Posts 312FT Hood,Tx |
melton - thanks. I try my best to write poetry that is true. if it isn't true, then it's all an illusion. only poetry that is true will ever make one change for the better. so here's to many more poems with words of truth and wisdom, may we all share in one anothers knowledge. helen - thanks. I felt the same way about this piece myself. p.s. - you people are killing me. I used to comment to people who didn't have any comments to their work and now I'm lucky if any one goes with less than 5 at times. I guess there are good things to being in a large community of poets. I don't know what I'm going to do with all this free time you guys are giving me. oh I know. I might write some more poems or something... hmmm maybe not. hehe |
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