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Open Poetry #12
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Naked Soul In Pieces (REVISED Quite A Bit)
| Open Poetry #12 |
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Naked Soul In Pieces (REVISED Quite A Bit) |
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Honeybee Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372Ontario, CANADA 
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~Dedicated to my Mother and her relationship with my father~ < !signature-->~Naked Soul Senryu~ 5-7-5 Emotions stripped bare leaving soul vulnerable to be raped of heart *By Melissa Honeybee* ~Naked Soul In Pieces~ You came, through the mist clutching a weather-beaten map in hand, eagerly following the directions to my heart slaying dragons and warlocks fierce, to ease the memory of the loss of my greatest hero and there, you were... at the end of the maze, with a promising smile, a tall, dark and handsome gallant knight upon that proverbial white horse, you saved me from a lonely confusion so that I was lost no more, you gave my heart a reason to pump love through my veins, we created a life, a beginning... then suddenly, without warning, you fell to your hunger, forced me down and stole my womanhood as you ripped my heart from my chest and poured it's fractured beat into your blender, without an ounce of decency or compassion you diced my heart in two, slowly, yet savagely with the dull, jagged blade as it crushed my aspirations and innocence through cycles of grate and grind, then you stopped for only a breath's passing to throw cubes of ice in and laughed as your finger pressed firmly upon shred to mix my fear thoroughly with the tears as the icy chill pervaded, intermingling with silence so sharp that my screams of ache echoed off the glass swirling 'round the blade back to saturate the hollowness of me, leaving a heart drained, liquified, you drank of my soul, devoured all of me, a delicious control to you, and when you were through with the taste, you wiped your mouth clean, closed the lid and left me, alone... entrapped, with emotions stripped bare, vulnerable, in pieces, to be raped of heart again *By Melissa Honeybee* The beauty of poetry gives my soul wings to fly free within dreams [This message has been edited by Melissa Honeybee (edited 01-18-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Melissa P. Long-Monette - All Rights Reserved | |||
SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
My God this is powerful Melissa.......gripping.......hugs to you  _SEA |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
very dark, haunting, horrifying, sordidly evil, incredibly sharp, stabbing poetry (y'know? for the past few days, there's been a lot of this type of poetry on the boards and it's a style we don't usually see here at passions.... except for maybe in the dark forum which i usually don't visit... usually there's more love poetry.... *sigh*... maybe the postings go in cycles? or people's moods around here are effected by other people's?) anyway, that was just an observation and what i really want to say is that this poem is well written but disturbing, and if that was your intent, you did a great job! thanks for the read melissa. you want to be a writer, don't know how or when, find a quiet place, use a humble pen-paul simon |
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Honeybee Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372Ontario, CANADA |
Sea- Thank you! My words are only powerful because of the horrors I saw. Doreen- Good to see you read my poem. You are so very astute, that's exactly how I wanted my poem to come across as. And you know, I have also noticed that there are darker poems in open 12 now, maybe that's what prompted me to revise this and post it. Thank you for reading this piece. Take care, Melissa The beauty of poetry gives my soul wings to fly free within dreams |
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maxtec1 Senior Member
since 2000-12-09
Posts 577Garland, Tx |
Gee what a great write. i can relate to what you penned. i had some one do the same to me and took way to many years doing it. i used the whole thing to become stronger and more open. I am not defeated. Love and light, Richard |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
hmmmmmmmmmmmm. . . I wonder why the sudden fascination with things that are Dark??  This is excellent Melissa, it is indeed quite different from the original. . . but I still like it. . . -------------------------------------------------------- To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Melissa I am amazed...an eloquent description of a obviousely terrible situation that has emotionally touched and disturbed me...James |
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mark woolard Member
since 2001-01-02
Posts 143 |
ouch. . .so many images, dark. |
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Honeybee Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372Ontario, CANADA |
Maxtec1~Thanks for reading, I'm sure that many will relate in some small way. I'm happy that you have used your negative experiences to make you stronger! If only, my mom and I could do the same Sven~Glad you stopped by to read this again, although it is still true to the original, I do like this version much better James & Mark~Thank you for reading this, wow, I never actually thought that my words would pack such a punch for the reader. Thank you for feeling this situation Take care, Melissa The beauty of poetry gives my soul wings to fly free within dreams |
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Charisma
since 2000-09-30
Posts 5906lost in blue pages |
*wow* what a dark piece.....well done, and I love the senryu too.....great work my friend (((hugs))) Charisma |
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Honeybee Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372Ontario, CANADA |
Charima~Thank you! I wrote the senryu first, many months ago and about a week ago I found the senryu in my "poetry" drawer, read it and thought of my mom and father, and this poem was the result Take care, Melissa The beauty of poetry gives my soul wings to fly free within dreams |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
Yes, this is amazing. Sharp, vivid and real. |
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Honeybee Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372Ontario, CANADA |
Kathleen-Thank you for reading this poem. Glad you could feel the words. Take care, Melissa The beauty of poetry gives my soul wings to fly free within dreams |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
A most powerful write...well done Melybee... |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
Extremely powerful...it hurt, it hurt, it hurt I ache for the victim |
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Honeybee Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372Ontario, CANADA |
Karilea and Vas-It hurt writing it, thank you for understanding and feeling it's power. Take care, Melissa The beauty of poetry gives my soul wings to fly free within dreams |
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