navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #12 » In Your Eyes
Open Poetry #12
Post A Reply Post New Topic In Your Eyes Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
Marsha
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423
Maidstone Kent England

0 posted 2001-01-16 05:10 PM



In Your Eyes

In your eyes
You say its lies
That we didn’t hear
The falling tear
Or touch your heart
We’re blown apart
In your eyes

In your sight
You say its right
That we don’t hold
Your hearts mould
Or have the touch
We’ve lost so much
In your sight

In your mind
You say its kind
That we can’t think
You’d write souls ink
Or feel your pain
We’re not sane
In your mind

In your view
You say its true
That we don’t fly
Your soul up high
Or feel the heat
We’re not neat
In your view


Marsha




Take back the hope you gave,- I claim
Only a memory of the same
Robert Browning



© Copyright 2001 Marsha Grace Melody Todd - All Rights Reserved
vandana
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Patricius
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463
USA
1 posted 2001-01-16 05:46 PM


enjoy the read
Sven
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA
2 posted 2001-01-16 06:57 PM


In my eyes
I say it's true
there will never be
another you

In my eyes
your words of light
will always be
for what is right

In my eyes
you are indeed
a friend to all
planter of seed

In my eyes
your Phoenix rises
tearing away
all disguises

In my eyes
you'll always be
Phoenix flying
forever free

See what you do love??  Excellent poem. . . just wonderful. . .  

------------------------------------------------------------


To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

Marsha
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423
Maidstone Kent England
3 posted 2001-01-16 09:35 PM


Vandana, thank you muchly.

Take care
                  Mushy
                    
Sven love, now that is excellant and it should be posted in it's own right, please do, it will get a far bigger audience love. And it truly deserves it. This was just a little play about with brevity, I can't say it suits me, a little too confining. I know it gives the reader leeway in interpretation, but I don't know if I want the reader to have that much leeway. And as I've said you can do brevity soooooo much better than I can love. Always you exceed my expectations with something better and better. Utterly first class
Oh and thank you love, but yours is better.   Honestly  
Take care love
                  Mushy
                    


Take back the hope you gave,- I claim
Only a memory of the same
Robert Browning



SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
4 posted 2001-01-16 09:38 PM


Awesome write dear friend   -SEA
Mistletoe Angel
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Empyrean
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
5 posted 2001-01-16 09:38 PM


Beautiful poem! I love the way you put this together, and the lovely voice within it, it flowed so very well! Thank you for sharing, my friend!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

Marsha
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423
Maidstone Kent England
6 posted 2001-01-17 06:29 AM


Circe love, the idea was it was supposed to be like raindrops, and I don't know if it really does love.
Thank you as always
Take care
               Mushy
                  
Noah love, thank you, I think you may be being over generous with your praise my friend. But thank you anyway
Take care
                 Mushy
                    


Take back the hope you gave,- I claim
Only a memory of the same
Robert Browning



Kethry
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082
Victoria Australia
7 posted 2001-01-17 06:48 AM


Marsha,
what sparkling, glistening paindrops you have painted, and it's almost a cinquain round.
Write on!
Kethry


Those of us who refuse to risk and grow get swallowed up by life. Patty Hansen.



Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada
8 posted 2001-01-17 06:48 AM


Loved the style and flow in this Marsha! It's so great to see you stretching that pen. You've followed the theme perfectly ... really well done!  

Best wishes,
/Kit

Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania
9 posted 2001-01-17 06:56 AM


I loved the rhyme scheme in this, and the words Sven penned are true.
Excellent
Liz

peppermint35
Senior Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 1106
Texas, USA
10 posted 2001-01-17 09:35 AM


Great writing....great touch   There are no limitations on you....this shows this   Love to read what you write

Pepper
"A poem is the very image of life expressed in its eternal truth."
Percy Bysshe Shelley

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
11 posted 2001-01-17 11:31 AM


This is remarkable....I'm really liking your new approaches to "less is more"...
Learner's Permit
New Member
since 2001-01-17
Posts 9
Australia
12 posted 2001-01-17 11:51 AM


Love the rhymne  
Marsha
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423
Maidstone Kent England
13 posted 2001-01-17 02:19 PM


Kethry love, oh love, give over do, 'twas nothing, less than nothing, it was me playing. If less is more, if I try an empty space would that count. Or only if I put someone elses name on it. Yes love I know  
Take care love
                   Slushy
                      
Kit love, thank you so very much, as I said this is just me playing at being an aspiring poet. But I do appreciate your encouragement.
Take care love
                  Mushy
                    
Elizabeth love, thank you are far too kind, truly you are. And I thank you so very much, but I think you and Sven are looking at me through rose coloured glasses, I'm really not that special.
Take care love
                   Mushy
                      
Pepper love, you always say the sweetest things, and I really don't deserve them honestly. I was trying to get the effect of rain drops, or tears even, except they are a little large for tears. Thank you again love
Take care
                 Mushy
                    
Kari love, that's it then I can put my feet up for the rest of the month? You surely don't want me to do any more? Good grief dear heart, I'll keel over with exhaustion. (I can feel myself going now, so I'd better look for something soft to land on   ) No not a doctor love, I said soft, not in serious need of a brain!! Do pay attention love.
Take care love
                 Majestic exhausted Marsha
                                
Learner's Permit, thank you so very much, welcome to Passions, I'm sure you'll love it here. This is where all the best poets are. (That's not counting me, but the rest of them are extreamly talented) If I have any advice for you it is to read and read and read as much as you can. For that can only ever help you to see the beauty held here. And also enjoy yourself. Don't listen to me moaning to Kari, she thinks I need to stretch myself. And the truth is I do, which is why I'm moaning love. Have fun and thank you again
Take care love
                   Marsha
(Mushy is my nickname, they call me that because I often write really mushy poems   )
                


Take back the hope you gave,- I claim
Only a memory of the same
Robert Browning



doreen peri
Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812
Virginia
14 posted 2001-01-17 04:14 PM


WOW!


Daniel J D
Senior Member
since 2000-10-01
Posts 1471
Hillcrest, Queensland, Australia
15 posted 2001-01-17 06:50 PM


Marsha,
Beautifully done. Cheers.

Respond to my call and let the waves of my heart fill your life with the wonders of love
(Daniel J D)

Honeybee
Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372
Ontario, CANADA
16 posted 2001-01-17 08:04 PM



~Marsha~

I just loved the presentation, the rhyme, the flow and the message in this - very well done!  I echo Sven's words  

Take care,
Melissa


The beauty of poetry gives my soul wings to fly free within dreams



Marsha
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423
Maidstone Kent England
17 posted 2001-01-18 06:57 AM


Doreen love, thank you, an undeserved Wow but I thank you anyway.
Take care
                   Mushy
                      

Daniel J D, thank you so very very much, I do appreciate it truly I do.
Take care
                 Mushy
                    
Melissa love, thank you too. You are being overly generous love, this really was just a gentle play about with forms. I do thank you though, lots
Take care love
                  Mushy
                    



Take back the hope you gave,- I claim
Only a memory of the same
Robert Browning



Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #12 » In Your Eyes

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary