Ramblings of a mad woman...

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Breathe~
Member

since 2000-02-05

Posts 315
Washington...

0 posted 2001-01-09 05:53 PM

It’s a sad thing when I can spend hours
writing down how I feel,
but I cannot look you in the eye
and tell you what is in my heart.
Why is that?
Is it the loosening of private thoughts
that makes me feel so vulnerable?
Maybe I’m afraid of putting something of myself
in front of you and have you look at me with
those eyes that tell me I’m being silly again.
Or maybe because I don’t understand a lot
of the thoughts and feelings I’m having,
much less trying to explain it to you.
I don’t know the answers.
All I do know is I want so badly to reach out to you, and tell you everything that is whirling
around in my head right now, to have you help me make sense of it, maybe to help you understand something about me at this very moment.
Everything ugly part of me has been put on display for you in these last few months.
Every flaw, bits of insanity, and all the things I am ashamed of and hate about myself.
I am drowning in it and  I believe you are too.
I can see it, every so often,
in the way you look at me.
You used to look at me
your face lighting up with love, happiness, pride maybe, I don’t know, like I was something amazing to behold, something unique.
I love you for that.
Lately, it seems you look at me more with exasperation, sometimes even,
like you got the booby prize
and you are sadly disappointed.
That hurts more than anything else
that is wrong in my life right now because
I know you care, I feel it.
but right now, you are untouchable, unreachable.
Looking at me with that deadpan face,
all you are thinking, hidden away.
Things that you may want to say, but are afraid to.
I know I’m afraid to hear them.
But I don’t know what I am afraid of more,
the truth, or the silence….

< !signature-->

I love the time
and in between
the calm inside me
in the space
where I can breathe...

Sarah McLachlan

[This message has been edited by Breathe~ (edited 01-09-2001).]

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

1 posted 2001-01-09 06:08 PM

As you say...relationships take lots of work...James

Irie
Senior Member

since 1999-12-01

Posts 1493
Washington State

2 posted 2001-01-09 07:15 PM

I know just how you're feeling.
I go through the same thing at times.
My problem stems from the fact that everytime I try and
share my feelings....he won't just sit and listen.
I'm forever interupted, I'm asked where did I get that crazy idea.....
always defending himself...
etc etc etc. Then I get to a point where I have completely forgoten
what I was trying to say. Then I leave the
conversation angry and feeling
like I got no where. And I didn't!

Some times I'm better off writing it on paper or I end up screaming instead.

I hope you can work it all out and good luck to you. HUGS

~Sheri

"The things that come to those that wait may be the things
left by those who got there first"

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

3 posted 2001-01-10 12:31 PM

But I don’t know what I am afraid of more,
the truth, or the silence….

taking your thoughts to my bed with me...tonight Breathe~

M

"The worst prison would be a closed heart".
...Pope John Paul II

Krawdad
Member Elite

since 2001-01-03

Posts 2597

4 posted 2001-01-10 12:34 PM

Sarah,
Makes you wonder what to do with your poetry?
Share it, hide it, send it to a stranger, make bricks out of them and build a wall? One of the attractions of poetry, I think, is the one-way street of it. No difficult "noisy" conversation necessary, especially with someone who hasn't yet figured out how to talk to himself.

/:^)==
=#==

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

5 posted 2001-01-10 01:05 AM

Everything ugly part of me has been put on display for you in these last few months.
Every flaw, bits of insanity, and all the things I am ashamed of and hate about myself.
I am drowning in it and  I believe you are too.
I can see it, every so often,
in the way you look at me.
You used to look at me
your face lighting up with love, happiness, pride maybe, I don’t know, like I was something amazing to behold, something unique.
I love you for that.
Lately, it seems you look at me more with exasperation, sometimes even,
like you got the booby prize
and you are sadly disappointed.
========================
But I don’t know what I am afraid of more,
the truth, or the silence….
=======================
Breathe ...this is anything but rambling...
more like honest, sincere, and very well expressed emotions ...
and they hit home deep...
for me its the truth thats the scariest ...
and the silence that hides it ...
excellent outpouring.
take care
jm

No one ever told me ... I could get lost while standing still ...
and sorrow doesnt make a sound ... as it takes away all your will.

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart