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Open Poetry #12
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Krawdad
Member Elite
since 2001-01-03
Posts 2597


0 posted 2001-01-09 09:54 AM



Crow paddles chill air
slowly stroking swimming wings
through this vast cold sea

/:^)==
=#==

© Copyright 2001 Krawdad - All Rights Reserved
Seymour Tabin
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since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
1 posted 2001-01-09 10:03 AM


Krawdad,
Something to think about, interesting.

Kethry
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082
Victoria Australia
2 posted 2001-01-09 10:13 AM


Krawdad, short and sweet I like that!
Interesting indeed , Where's your acrostic? Mine's posted in the poetry workshop. Hard? you bet!

Write on
Kethry


Those of us who refuse to risk and grow get swallowed up by life. Patty Hansen.


VAS
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450
Oregon
3 posted 2001-01-09 01:00 PM


Brrrrrrrrr.  Makes me feel a chill across my back and arms.  I think that's what the air must be linke outside here, this morning.  The eaves are dripping, though.  Maybe there's hope.

Well done piece, very well done!

Poeminister
Senior Member
since 2000-02-26
Posts 1862
Regina SK; Canada
4 posted 2001-01-09 04:34 PM


Wonderful haiku.  I like this muchly.  Nicely done.

Poeminister

"...no single sound too rude upon thy slumber shall intrude, Our thoughts, our souls-
O God above! In every deed shall mingle, love."
-Poe


tracie66
Member Elite
since 2000-01-18
Posts 4713
Australia
5 posted 2001-01-10 05:26 AM


Great read   interesting
Tracie~


Love is the life of the soul...
It is the harmony of the universe



serenity blaze
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since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

6 posted 2001-01-10 10:00 AM


as per my request? rofl...you're too funny, m'friend...and no, I still don't have a clue....but thanks for the haiku, and the smile.
Krawdad
Member Elite
since 2001-01-03
Posts 2597

7 posted 2001-01-10 02:37 PM


Seymore, Kethry, VAS, Poeminister, Tracie66, Serenity,
Thanks all for your comments.
This "little poem" (technically not a Haiku, perhaps) is one of the first of a continuing collection of CROW poems.
Being so common along my commute, crows come to relate to most everything else along the way.  Besides, when the imagination is chugging along, anything that gets in its way is fair game, right?
You may see another of these from time to time.

/:^)==
=#==

dgvarner
Member Elite
since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552
High Springs, Florida
8 posted 2001-02-10 01:29 AM


hmm..sorry i missed this the first time around...but skipping along the back pages, i find a most chilling little crow tale..and i think it simply must go back to the top for another little flight...    

very well written..i feel the "brrrr"...

g


"maybe one day
we can turn and face our fears
maybe one day
we can reach out through our tears..."
-a grant

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

9 posted 2001-02-10 06:31 AM


right again Kraw...was one syllable off...
but do enjoy the black and white crow imagery....  

Charisma
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since 2000-09-30
Posts 5906
lost in blue pages
10 posted 2001-02-10 06:56 AM


oh my, what  a chilly write....well done...

Charisma

ATelamon
Member
since 2001-02-06
Posts 328
Purgatory, Last Staircase, Up
11 posted 2001-02-10 06:57 AM


Intersting "almost Haiku" I really enjoyed the first line. "paddling air" is both very visual and an unusual description of flight. You packed much into that particular phrase.

Well said.

AT




[This message has been edited by ATelamon (edited 02-10-2001).]

Marge Tindal
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Florida's Foreverly Shores
12 posted 2001-02-10 11:29 AM


KrawDad~
Perfectly executed (5-7-5) in this flight of 'crow' ...
Most enjoyable imagery.
~*Marge*~


~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com


Krawdad
Member Elite
since 2001-01-03
Posts 2597

13 posted 2001-02-10 05:58 PM


g,
thanks for bumping this one up.  that bird will forever be paddling around in my head.

k,
i'm a syllable off?  (hmmm, sounds like a title to something . . .)

Charisma,
thanks for the read (glad you're still here).

ATelamon,
a crow, upwind in a breeze, does appear to be paddling.  this was not intended to be a proper haiku.  i focused on the form almost exclusively for a year and found that there were variations, technically not haiku, but still in the 5-7-5 base, that i sometimes preferred (required, actually).  i think of these as my "little poems".  i still use the compact, minimalist approach, haiku or not.  it's a very satisfying neurological photograph.

Kraw'

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