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Open Poetry #11
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artsygrl
Member
since 2000-11-17
Posts 55
Florida

0 posted 2000-12-14 11:04 AM


It would be easier to tell you if I did not try,
If I did not pour my everything in to the attempts
But I did
And only then do I feel a ting of failure
Bit
Bit down upon my quivering
Bit down upon my lips to plead inside myself
"Suck it up" made sense in a new meaning you glimps into when you are on the verge of experiencing,
before clichés were just that, they were ideas only childlike understood,
like the feeling a kid gets when he sees kisses before he has kissed

As the tears starting falling
I in a rage of emotional betrayal do bite down upon myself
Flash flood of rage and frustrated emotions
"I am not smart enough",
"It is too hard"
"I can, I can, and I can,"
"I can't give up"
and everyone's opinions come flashing in like a flood of ideas
I am left trying to acknowledge the obvious
and take from the past
God has a way of making things turn they way they should
Have you ever gotten so mad that you car broke down but found out an accident occured where you would have been?..
makes you just want to roll with the punches
Its what you see at a time you have almost died..
Have you ever almost been hit by a car stepping out ,but stopped by a stranger?
And I struggle between not letting the pity take me and just realeasing the tears
Thoughts of everything hovering upon my edged blacking tinged soul
When just moments before I was collected...whole
"Suck it up" thought
and thoughts of :
"I can't,
I won't give up" shouted over
While my tires become a rhythmic soother
I move my lips in approval of where I will be
And carry on the conversation,
While others stare at the girl talking to her self
I stare blank at lights
While streams glare my eyes
"I am so tired" I think while others do the uncomfortable dodge of eyes when they see girl crying
Tears falling blankly..
Bet they been here
I don't remember the drive as par usual
And I don't remember the time
Trying


© Copyright 2000 artsygrl - All Rights Reserved
SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
1 posted 2000-12-14 11:29 AM


Wow........I am left not knowing what to say.....this is amazing!   -SEA
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

2 posted 2000-12-14 11:53 AM


there ius nothing cliche' here ...
this is well done and very original writing
a powerful emotive flood of images and emotions ...expressed with intensity
excellent writing
take care
jm

Some people find subtlety in strangers
if you find anything~let me in
Your eyes~you see everything
my eyes~I see it all together now~and I know

artsygrl
Member
since 2000-11-17
Posts 55
Florida
3 posted 2000-12-15 10:04 AM


wrote this fresh from a bout of the blues didn't realize how chaotic it was...thanks for your kind reply SEA..

artsygrl

artsygrl
Member
since 2000-11-17
Posts 55
Florida
4 posted 2000-12-15 10:05 AM


thanks so much Janet Marie, wasn't sure how it would go over...appreciate the reply..

artsygrl

VAS
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450
Oregon
5 posted 2000-12-15 12:34 PM


Fantastically woven!  If only we could remember those times that almost were when we are commiserating on the maladies we do meet in life. Roll, that's surely what we must, and perhaps realize that just maybe THIS is better than WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN.

This is a piece to place in the memory banks!

artsygrl
Member
since 2000-11-17
Posts 55
Florida
6 posted 2000-12-15 02:59 PM


wow VAs, thanks allot. I needed that thankyou, popped on to see what was new on the board and your comment really made me feel good...Realizing that I should try to be freer in my life and my writing thankyou!!!!!!!!!!
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