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Open Poetry #11
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eleven or so
| Open Poetry #11 |
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eleven or so |
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lucky Senior Member
since 2000-01-17
Posts 1601Idaho 
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alone on sidewalks of grief where she wandered with gloom in hand fate she pondered from time to time a girl in love with a someone who wasn’t really sure met him on a school yard night with a fallen book in snow had lit the air he passing said “I’ve never seen such hair” had the glance that said how he wished to meet again and how was she to know in a few tears or so she was just eleven young you know a girl just in from some where I think near a border town in northern Idaho with a kiss and a promise he was gone in a lash fer California gold her song was felt now ended but still she walks and waits for him and wanders down the streets a place for tears and in her soul she knows there’s no way she could’ve changed things but still she prays he’ll some day find her waiting here among these . [This message has been edited by lucky (edited 12-14-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Dale W. Gwaltney - All Rights Reserved | |||
kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
hi lucky, i enjoyed the format of this piece and i liked the structure of your sentences..i believe i havent seen anything like this before and i am eager to incorporate that into my writing... thanx for the read...really an eye-opener  [This message has been edited by kaile (edited 12-14-2000).] |
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lucky Senior Member
since 2000-01-17
Posts 1601Idaho |
kaile, Be my guest, over the time I've been around passions under many an alias... I cannot hide, for my style ever gives me away my dear... I was born an artist and a writer, not to mention a musician... If you can do it... you've got all my graces... and I'd tell you, give it all you've got... (it's not that easy, so my wife tells me... as she's tried too) But I on the other hand, I could write no other way... Well maybe that's not exactly true. But at least not as naturally. Nice compliment. All my best to you. dale . |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
Intriguing style and fantastic presentation of this message. Love the play on words...in a few tears...like in a few years, but more to the point. I really enjoyed how you've woven this one! |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Dale--amazing how you can capture eleven..when someone takes the heart so easily and never gives it back...and still you have never seen such hair. |
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Wilfred Yeats Member Elite
since 2000-08-04
Posts 2704Wilmington, Delaware |
I was eleven again - don't know how you do this - but it is great writing - keep it up~S~ |
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lucky Senior Member
since 2000-01-17
Posts 1601Idaho |
VAS, thank you for your words on presentation. Martie, It amazes me how you can still recall eleven and talk of when someone takes a heart so easily .and Yeper bubba,,, still I've got her golden hair. Bill, I love the way you were able to see eleven again - not sure how you did it... You must have a journal or two - your great my friend. I love you all. and happy holidaz, dale . [This message has been edited by lucky (edited 12-15-2000).] |
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