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My Soul Is a Study In Grays
| Open Poetry #11 |
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My Soul Is a Study In Grays |
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Rosemary J. Gwaltney Senior Member
since 1999-08-26
Posts 997northern mountains, Idaho 
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~ ~ The brilliance of color which normally thrills me lay today silently subdued in tubs of chemical solution inside the dark-room of my mind, having been transformed to negatives. All I saw today were shades of white, black, gray; distorting familiar images to hideous apparitions. ~ Clouds of hauntings blurred around me like a haze of fog, while the chill of a winter-heart shivered within. ~ Depression rose before me, and, with evil intent, pulled the shades, and took its place behind me, following me on silent cat-feet; eager to seize me like a mouse, and toss me about, torturing. Refusing to go its own way, it kept me captive within its shadow. ~ Waves of emotion rolled back and forth across my sense of reality with cold hissing foam in steady, relentless tempo. Pounding against the boulders, splashing into the sky. Like arteries pulsing high. Pulsing high. ~ My heart became frozen as the crust of the snow. As cold and thick as the hoarfrost that clings to the naked branches of the wintered trees of relentless memories. ~ Not dead, but without hope until the spring. Shivering in raging blizzard winds of remembering. Of hopelessness and the cries of my lost children; lost years; echoing and living, howling and sighing; children’s laughter fading and dying. ~ I stumbled along endless stretching dunes of gray watching my heart shrivel up before me, sinking condensed and dried as an ancient salted strand of brined seaweed preserved beneath the sand. Fear and dread tiptoed beside me with quiet footsteps, refusing to leave me alone. ~ With gray above and gray below, and gray without, and gray within, I knew it must be time to turn around within my mind and head for home where my security’s always been. ~ For he will fold me in his arms, and light the match with his eyes, that brings the color back to my vision, and the warmth back to my heart. ~ I can’t seem to do it myself in this dark daze. I quiver against the days when my soul is a study in grays. ~ ~ ~ P.S. Written last May, but Decembers ever haunt me. Adopting terminally ill children for so many years, has taken a toll on me that was not expected. While they were alive, and needing me, with so much love between us, I remained strong, and did well. But not so well these days, now that they’re all gone. Poor precious husband, struggling with his own losses, is so patient with me! We dry each other’s tears. I’m certain it will improve as time goes on. I trust God for it. Thanks for listening. [This message has been edited by Rosemary J. Gwaltney (edited 12-10-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Rosemary J. Gwaltney - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Ah Rosemary, you know we listen, and feel...you've done wondrous things, just remember that...precious few have given as much as the both of you... Karilea If I whisper, will you listen?... I would rather be silent and write, than speak loudly and be bound. KRJ |
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maxtec1 Senior Member
since 2000-12-09
Posts 577Garland, Tx |
What a heart felt work here. I wish you all the best and your reward awaits you on the other side. Love and light, Richard |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Rosemary--You describe that dark place of the soul so well...I have been there a few times and it is made of frozen tears...Please know how much I care about you and I am lighting a candle now for my lost child, for this is children's day...much love and hugs to you sweet one and to that honey of a Dale. |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Rosemary~ If I could but light a candle for you, know that I do. How well you describe the valley of gray~ and then turn around and head home ~ to the hearth of love that is alight in the love you and Dale share. 'For he will fold me in his arms, and light the match with his eyes, that brings the color back to my vision, and the warmth back to my heart.' I sit at the hearth with you, my friend. For you warm my heart with your love. Sharing *Hugs* ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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lucky Senior Member
since 2000-01-17
Posts 1601Idaho |
How can such green eyes see so much gray. This is a jewel of a writing but is so sad. I'm so glad and it makes me so very happy that I can bring the color back. I love you darling. And I'm sure lucky, dale . |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
I have to agree this is a jewell of writing. It never ceaases to amaze me how these dark moods turn into such expression of beauty in their own place, always reminding us of the things we have to continue to work on as imperfect humans.....I think it's absolutely marvelous that you were there for these children....there's a place for you and I know it.....take care...ethome |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Oh dear Rosemary...your soul shines like the sun  |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
I am so humbled as I read and want to say "God Bless you" double time. Thank you for sharing this with us, it was sterling. "Always be a first rate version of your self instead of a second rate version of someone else." Marilyn Monroe |
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Rosemary J. Gwaltney Senior Member
since 1999-08-26
Posts 997northern mountains, Idaho |
Sunshine - I am so humbled at the care I find in here! Thank you! maxtec1 - I really appreciate your kind words! Martie - thank you, Martie, these emotions are very hard to describe, without sounding self-pitying. Thanks for saying I succeeded. I'm so sorry about your lost little girl too! Thinking of you with prayers as I light my candle too. Marge Tindal - thank you for your wonderful way of saying you liked how I described the journey! You make poetry in your replies! lucky - the dearness of your reply touched me to my very soul. You always bring the color back! And oh, how glad I am that you feel lucky! I want to bring your color back too, always and forever! With so much love, your wife Rosemary ethome - what an excellent way you have of describing how it is possible to bring an expression of beauty out of a dark time! And thank you for your kind words. hoot_owl_rn - you, my dear friend, has a soul that shines too! Thank you so much! Irish Rose - I so appreciate your comments here! I am deeply touched by the kindness shown in this place. |
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