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Open Poetry #11
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The world not yet awake
| Open Poetry #11 |
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The world not yet awake |
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raleighbttrfly Member
since 2000-11-21
Posts 160Raleigh NC |
There is a peace I find with the coming of the dawn A quite stillness that matches the pale morning No sun yet to glare no stars to distract Now I find my self, wondering back Back to you my love to the mornings when I knew your love We would lye awake jest past dreaming Holding each other not yet thinking of the duties that would come with the day I look back to then and smile still Are love was new and are harts naive But we would lye there and whisper of how we hoped it would be This morning, still predawn is calm, and quite the world not yet awake So a few minutes I will take and give them to you We have gone are own ways Grown up and so apart I feel no anger no hate But how I miss those times jest before the world was awake [This message has been edited by raleighbttrfly (edited 12-03-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Amberlyn - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
very pretty in its message... Karilea If I whisper, will you listen?... I would rather be silent and write, than speak loudly and be bound. KRJ |
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Jeffrey Carter
since 2000-04-08
Posts 2367State of constant confusion! |
Beautifully done raleigh......  "Don't wish upon a star...Reach for one!!" |
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Parker Member Elite
since 2000-01-06
Posts 3129ON |
raleigh, I haven't been around for awhile and saw your post in the alley... I really liked this piece... my only comments are for the feedback you requested is that I found some spelling mistakes, unless they were intentional. Atleast that's what I claim... all my spelling mistakes are intentional.. my guesses would be that.. lye -- should be lie jest -- should be just Are -- should be our quite -- should be quiet this is all the feedback i have, I loved the images in the piece. Welcome... Parker.... |
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mutington Member
since 2000-11-29
Posts 132New Jersey, USA |
** Beautiful..calm ..tranquil !! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ mutington/joyce "I can live by myself, but not within myself." |
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ghost_writer New Member
since 2000-12-05
Posts 1 |
Great poem raleighbttrfly......i know this feeling well |
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raleighbttrfly Member
since 2000-11-21
Posts 160Raleigh NC |
thank you all for your time and responses. Parker speical thanks to I will make the changes.  |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
i liked the way you expressed your last line muchly.. before the world was awake... i never saw dawn that way before and so thanx for offering that view  |
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raleighbttrfly Member
since 2000-11-21
Posts 160Raleigh NC |
Kaile you are vary welcom, thanks for reading. |
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