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Marsha
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Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423
Maidstone Kent England

0 posted 2000-12-01 06:46 PM



The Tale Of The Troubled Troubadour

This is a tale that has blood guts and some gore
So if you're a sensitive soul don't read any more
Just click your back icon and exit from the page
Then you won't be telling me that this is an outrage
But if you're in mind for a tale that's not sweet
That tells the tale about what witches will eat
Then this is the tale that is a real must for you
And every word in it isn't, can't possibly be true

It concerns an area of the forest, a wretched spot
It's dark and it's spooky a most unwholesome plot
Therein lives a witch, she's a wicked, evil old hag
She's so awful she even carries a real sealskin bag
She's the villain so it's okay to boo and even hiss
It'll take more to change her than a prince's kiss
If she's the villain and it's clear that's what she is
We now need a hero someone to do the right biz

So who's the hero, we're seeking one daring dude
Someone of refinement we don't want him to be rude
But we will take whoever shows himself to us first
Oh s*** look who has just from that forest burst
It's that troubled troubadour, him that sings off key
I'd rather have anyone else, or anyone, quite frankly  
Still I surppose that with him we've now been stuck
Oh! That's terrific, and it's just like my bad luck

So now we need someone to be saved, just in time
A lovely maiden would do, she'd suit us just fine
Unfortunately they've all been told to stay away
There's only one family lurking around here today
They are the Cooks and they live just over there
Yes I know they look a little odd, just don't stare
Ah! Yes you're looking at Pa Cooks strange hump
Or are you staring at grandma's odd wooden stump?

But it's not their fault they are all very odd indeed
It's because they're so many and cost a lot to feed
Pa Cook hasn't worked for over ten years I think
He told someone his alarm clock was on the blink
Ma Cook has had twelve children in all that time
Someone really ought to tell her to draw the line
Grandma does a nice line in clothes pegs I hear
And whenever the moon's full some strange wolves appear

So the story can start because we have all we need
We don't require any more, that would just be greed
I haven't told you that troubadour's name have I
Okay I suppose you need his name to cheer, Oh my!
Not that I'm expecting much action from this chap
He can barely say hello and please, please don't clap
If he hears applause he'll start his routine for sure
I've heard it once already and it's incredibly poor

Ma Cook had ordered Pa Cook to find any old work
Around this spooky dark forest she didn't want to lurk
So she sent him out to seek something he could do
And don't come back and tell me they all said shoo
Just down the lane was the wicked witch's abode
I'll ask here, Pa said, hoping he wouldn't become a toad
Still if she does I wouldn't have to worry about it all
And no more noisy kids running riot in the ruddy hall

So he knocked very loudly on the wicked witch's door
And she seeing him said, Oy what did you do that for?
I need a job missus he said with a rather sheepish grin
You do? She said, well then you'd better come on in
No sooner had he stepped through that witch's door
Than she'd given him a whack and he was no more
She set straight to work on him with a knife and fork
I've been told he tasted like a very fine piece of pork

Meanwhile Ma Cook is worried now that Pa's not here
So she sends the oldest son to see if Pa will reappear
When several hours later she's lost several of her sons
She sends her girls off and they too vanish one by one
Finally the stupid woman is down to her very last three
When the troubled troubadour appears looking for a key
He's so dim he makes the village idiot look quite good
He's so dense that he could honestly be made of oak wood

Anyway he's here now so let's move from this spot
Right now is not a very good point in the narrative plot
Ma Cook begged him to find her missing kith and kin
And invites the troubled troubadour to come right in
After she explained the plot to him several hundred times
He says that he will go and track down the errant Pa
Oh yes he'll find them and he won't have to go far

I've still not told you the name of this sad hapless hero
He's actually called Nabroth and he's more of a zero
So off he goes to search for all the missing family Cook
He blunders along until he comes to the little brook
Finally finding the witch's cottage he just strolls on in
And finds all the Cooks, except Pa, sitting there within
He ushers them out into the rather weak sunshine
And takes them back home to prove they're all fine

Ma Cook is delighted that all the children are free
Okay Pa's not there but the rest are safe she can see
Nabroth sits down to eat and all the Cooks serve him
He's not used to this fuss no one has ever spoilt him
Ma Cook orders the kids finally to get out of her way
So she can serve Nabroth the food he's earned today
Why mum, look I only want to change this old cloth
Just get says mum, because too many Cooks spoil Nabroth


Marsha





< !signature-->

Take back the hope you gave,- I claim
Only a memory of the same
Robert Browning


[This message has been edited by Marsha (edited 12-02-2000).]

© Copyright 2000 Marsha Grace Melody Todd - All Rights Reserved
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
1 posted 2000-12-01 10:03 PM


Um, Marsha? I really waited for the punch line this time, I did, I did...and now it's BTTT so Paula shall see it as it is for her...

Karilea
If I whisper, will you listen?...
I would rather be silent and write, than speak loudly and be bound.
KRJ




Paula Finn
Member Ascendant
since 2000-06-17
Posts 5546
missouri
2 posted 2000-12-02 12:56 PM


:P:P:P:P......Marsha Marsha Marsha....where do you find these pitiful men? OMG lady this is just too too funny...maybe we should put two of our guys together...LMAO just think what a tale that would be....HAHAHHA...this is just great sweet lady...Im really loving this

Ignore those who would clip your wings...fly ever upward...even if it means scorched wings



Marsha
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423
Maidstone Kent England
3 posted 2000-12-02 06:28 AM


Kari love, so what's wrong with the punch line Too Many Cooks Spoil The Broth? Didn't it make you smile.   It did me, but then you know how easily amused I am love.   Thanks love      
and you know I appreciate it don't you.
Take care
                  Majestic Marsha
                              
Paula, we could you know, you could write the romance and I could add the comic touches. Don't you enjoy this, it really is fun, I know I enjoy writing these, because I've got a very odd sense of humour. And I'm pleased they make you smile, they are written with giggles in mind.  
Take care love
                  Mushy
                    


Take back the hope you gave,- I claim
Only a memory of the same
Robert Browning

Ladycat
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Senior Member
since 1999-07-05
Posts 782
At the edge and a doorway,TX
4 posted 2000-12-02 07:31 AM


alright this piece had me on the floor rolling around laughing my butt off.  I give this was the greatest.  You get coolness points for this one. I have to share this with all of my friends.  Halfway through I wasn't worried about the punchline anymore.
Thanks so much.  You have made me day. Now people are going to wonder about me more.

Love,
Lady


Live in my world just once and you'll find yourself enraptured.


Marsha
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423
Maidstone Kent England
5 posted 2000-12-02 09:44 AM


Ladycat, this is just a thing Paula started me off on, only I couldn't get my knights to do anything romantic. So we have a deal she does the romantic knight nights, and I do the comic knight nights. So if you want a giggle then there are a few in here, but if you want luve then it's Paulas'. We are thinking of doing a mix of the two, but we'll have to see.   I'm so pleased it had you laughing, it did me too.  
Take care
                Mushy Marsha
                      


Take back the hope you gave,- I claim
Only a memory of the same
Robert Browning

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