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Open Poetry #11
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When Each Petal Falls
| Open Poetry #11 |
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When Each Petal Falls |
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vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
When seasons change, Each petal falls, The wind starts to call, I hear the whistle blow, When each petal falls, It hurts my heart so, It hurts my heart and soul, Because I don't like it, When each petals falls, As seasons change, And my heart breaks into two, I know, There Is a reason To believe When each petal falls, As I touch the each petal of a rose, When the sunlight comes into it And perfume of the rose dies too, and then even your heart dies for, You know, It hurts you when you see each petal falls, And you try to understand Why love Is hard to find, When you see every petal falls Down to the ground, You cry, When you see as each petal falls, And It hurts your heart too, You can't believe why petal falls down to the ground, It's just hurts your heart, When you see it in your eyes, As each Petal falls, [This message has been edited by vandana (edited 11-28-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 vandana - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Startime Member Ascendant
since 2000-10-03
Posts 5918Canada |
Oh gosh this was incredibly beautiful and sad. The vision you painted was shared with beauty. Thank you so very much for the read Love I leave with you my friend whether it be in your life or of yet the essense of your dreams. [URL=http://path2riches.com]http://path2riches.com |
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Beki Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1569Newport Beach, CA, USA |
This is a beautiful poem that will read much better when you edit the gramar mistakes..it should be "when each petal (singular, no "s") falls" and in the first line it should read "when seasons change (again, no "s") - the same later in the 10th line.In the 4th line "I hear the whistle blow (no "s")" and in the 11th line should read "my heart breaks in two".In the 16th line eliminate "the" and in line 23 should read "when you see each petal fall"; same in line 26, should read "when you see every petal fall".Line 33 should read "why petals fall" and last line should end with a period not a comma. I really like this poem but so many grammar mistakes make it awkward to read. I assume English is not your native language and that's fine but always good to check these things before you post.  |
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vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
Startime,Thank you, Beki,Thank you,Iam glad you liked it.I will be careful before I post any one of my poems.Thank you,Beki!!!!!!!!!! |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
this is wonderful vandana. . . ----------------------------------------------------- That which gives light must endure burning --Victor Frankl |
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Beki Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1569Newport Beach, CA, USA |
Now I feel bad becaus eit seems I made you fel self concious I didn't mean to do that. I am a very experienced editor and I naturally see things with an editor's eye....when I see mistakes I can't help but comment. I didn't mean to take away from your poem, it is lovely. But it would be much easier for others to read and enjoy without so many mistakes.It just takes a little extra time to proof read your work and then others can enjoy it even more. I just meant to encourage you to do that, sorry if I sounded harsh. |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Yes, I agree, this is lovely, vandana! Denise |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Sweet VanDana~ Nothing could take away from the beauty of your thoughts. Your words fall so lovely from your heart. You continue to write - honey, I'll continue to read. I've been reading your poetry for over a year now and you just get better and better at letting the thoughts flow. Keep on, dear little friend. I only wish I could write HALF as good as you do in a second language ! ! I love you and send you heart-felt wishes and warm hugs. {{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}} Love ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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soozieque_28 Junior Member
since 2000-11-28
Posts 28Tennessee |
I liked this poem, although it is sad, because it reminded me of my brother who passed away three years ago. Roses were is favorite flower and and when he died it was as a petal falling from a rose, still beautiful, but going towrds a different form. Anyway, the poem is beautiful. Peggy |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
vandana- Absolutely beautiful! Such lovely imagery in these words. I really enjoyed reading this. Keep up the wonderful writing.. hugs, ~vicky "...until you have read the verse on his heart, you have not truely met the poet." -vlraynes |
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vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
Thank you all ,everyone!!!!!Hey,Beki,Thank you for helping me out.And I really needed someone to improve my poems.Iam glad if someone is helping me.Thank you,I mean it!!!!!! |
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