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Open Poetry #11
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The Virgin
| Open Poetry #11 |
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The Virgin |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada 
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Once upon a time a story teller said there was a woman that lived to be free. With open anxious arms she reached out with her charms true love would always fill her needs. The seasons they remain and love still works the same to give respect or steal your charity. Born of faithful mind she gave all her time to the man who made her life complete. He knew he had it all he knew she'd never fall true love would always fill her needs. This story should be through and love should bond the two where happy ever after ends the scene. The years that rolled along saw her satisfy the one who stole her youth from the virgin seed. With innocence and warmth she burned the passion torch true love would always fill her needs. A home and cedar hedge to her the reasons edge on those who tossed their will to defeat. Her yeilding love did pour on the one she adored a drink to his health was in her speech. In stride she carried on and kept her visions strong true love would always fill her needs. But years will season all and time does take it's toll and the wrinkles of the term show on the cheeks. In the soft light of the dawn one day she woke alone faithful in the bed she'd always keep and pinned up on the wall was a note to change it all true love had always filled her needs. With tears she came undone her true love left to run her years of faith were stoned to hollow grief. The days drug on like weeks and soiled her beliefs that love so strong would always be complete and waiting by the phone she cried and slept alone true love had always filled her needs. The days now hemmed her in reminding her of him and how her heart was broken by the breach. That powerful old force a love that runs its course can fill the human heart with disease. Late nights alone at home the mind in sorrow foams true love had always filled her needs. Now bitter not so sweet she drives the foggy streets creeping toward the man that foiled her peace. In vogue he could be found with pleasures all around she walked up to the door tongue in cheek. The walkway light was on the door chime softly rung true love had always filled her needs. The door swung open wide two shots cut up the night! and the broken bond of love was put to sleep. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Eric Lewis True - All Rights Reserved | |||
SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
This reads like a song, and flows smooth as silk.....loved this one very much, even though it's sad  -SEA |
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Marsha
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423Maidstone Kent England |
Ethome, wow this is sooooo good, I do love it when you sing love, and this is a wonderful flowing song, I really truly love this one. Sad it maybe, but as Circe said it's wonderful. Really great work. Take care Mushy I'm still looking, how about a dietician, or a haematologist?  Take back the hope you gave,- I claim Only a memory of the same Robert Browning |
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Poeminister Senior Member
since 2000-02-26
Posts 1862Regina SK; Canada |
"Her yeilding love did pour on the one she adored a drink to his health was in her speech. In stride she carried on and kept her visions strong true love would always fill her needs."... Ethome, this builds up incredibly well, keeps the reader connected to the reasons. Such a sore disease this thing we call love can become. Very touching weave, and smoothly written. Well done. take care, Poeminister < !signature--> "...no single sound too rude upon thy slumber shall intrude, Our thoughts, our souls- O God above! In every deed shall mingle, love." -Poe [This message has been edited by Poeminister (edited 11-26-2000).] |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Her yeilding love did pour on the one she adored a drink to his health was in her speech. In stride she carried on and kept her visions strong true love would always fill her needs. But years will season all and time does take it's toll and the wrinkles of the term show on the cheeks. ================== Hey E-babes...this is quite a tale you've told here... a unique, creative, piece of work my poetpal... very cool rhyme and the repetative line works well ... spining gold again ... even if its the blues. later-way-cool-weave-gator jm |
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Paula Finn Member Ascendant
since 2000-06-17
Posts 5546missouri |
You held me from start to finish on this one sweetie...makes you wonder sometimes how love affects us all differently...two shots cut up the night! and the broken bond of love was put to sleep. Perfect...sad but perfect |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
excellent ethome!! A tale of the heart told with your heart. . . wonderful. . . ---------------------------------------------------- That which gives light must endure burning --Victor Frankl |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Ethome, I second JM, Good writing, enjoyed. Sy |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Wow!! Ethome--what a story!! I loved it...made me think of the song, "That's the night that the lights went out in Georgia"..you sure can write a story, my friend, and write it well! |
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Interloper
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369Deep in the heart |
Only shot him twice? Well told! |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Now look what I found on my roaming around...well done Sir...and well told... Karilea If I whisper, will you listen?... I would rather be silent and write, than speak loudly and be bound. KRJ |
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Gentle Spirit Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989 |
Well done my friend, but sadly enough this story is all so true to many people. Excellent write. *s* On the wings of words our spirits fly, and our souls are free. Donna Smith |
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Startime Member Ascendant
since 2000-10-03
Posts 5918Canada |
Oh my gosh Eric, such power and emotion in this incredible tale. It sings through the senses making one feel the depths of her pain. BRAVO!!! Much love and Christmas hugs from my heart to your heart. Love I leave with you my friend whether it be in your life or of yet the essense of your dreams. http://path2riches.com |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Thank you SEA I love the smooth as silk comment and I appreciate you taking the time to read this.....ethome Marsha my lovable poet pal thanks for the sing love comment...as always, it's so good to hear from you. Thanks so much Poeminister for the comments and yes, you're right that crazy little thing called love is very treacherous sometimes. Thanks my dear poet pet you're replies are VANtastic as usual. Yeah you're right you can always figure me out..I was writing the blues again and you know what it's like with the blues...ya got to have a line or two to repeat for emphasis and to create the crying sound...thanks again my sweet poet friend. Janet have a nice holiday.....etVANhome Paula thank you for enjoying it as you went the distance... I always appreciate your comments so much....love to ya.....ethome Thank you Sven for taking the time to read this glad you enjoyed.....ethome Hey Seymour! thanks for agreeing with the others and thanks for dropping in....ethome Martie thank you so much for those wonderful words and the comparison to the Vicki Lawerence song.....much appreciated!! That's not how I saw it when I wrote it Interloper but you can picture it anyway you want...I wrote two shots to give the impression that she shot herself too...after all she was a good person and this crime she wouldn't be able to live with....thanks so much for your comments...ethome Thank you Karilea for the comments and for bringing it up I almost forgot...thanks again! |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Sorry Gentle Spirit I hit the submit button too soon....thanks for your comments and thoughts I appreciate it more than you know....ethome and you too Startime sweetheart I would never want to pass you by thanks for reading...love to you... ethome [This message has been edited by ethome (edited 12-23-2000).] |
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Parker Member Elite
since 2000-01-06
Posts 3129ON |
ethome,.... great write. This is a good reason for gun control....lol. I don't think i'm going to answer the door late at night anymore... Parker |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Quite a story wrapped in emotions...James |
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Marsha
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423Maidstone Kent England |
P T, I'm glad this popped back to the front page, because I definitely love this one, and also I was so lax I forgot to put it in my library. i know head like a sieve.  Oh and I have a little pressie for you, I hope you enjoy it It's called .....well I let you find it. take care love Mushy Merry Christmas Take back the hope you gave,- I claim Only a memory of the same Robert Browning |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Hey Parker I don't think you have to worry about gun control if you're not bad...well on second thought maybe you should...yeah ya better! thanks for taking the time to read.......ethome |
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Rosebud1229 Senior Member
since 2000-04-05
Posts 1813North Carolina |
sad, just quite smooth in the events that follow, and then the silence is broken when two hearts are no longer beating. |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
ETHome~ Well .... I can't say I cared for the ending but, the story was well told and a heartbreaker for sure. It has a nice cadence to it. And a great measure of believablity, my friend. LOL @ Parker ! Love ya' and Merry Holidays to you ! ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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EagleScorpion Senior Member
since 2000-03-08
Posts 1644Here, Now, Forever |
Thats a scrumptious rhyme scheme! |
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rascalx Senior Member
since 1999-08-25
Posts 590Florence, SC, USA |
Stunning! The subject and story captured me from the first stanza and the rythmic flow kept my rapt attention all the way to the powerful end. You have written a beautiful ballad. I would love to hear this put to music. |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Thanks so much Rosebud for the kind words, much appreciated! Sorry you didn't like the end Marge. However I am always pleased to hear from you and I'm glad you dropped in....ethome Thanks Eagle Scorpion for the scrumptious word! Rascalx I'm so glad you could take the time to drop in and I could captivate you a little. I appreciate your words so much...ethome |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
Huggle Bunny, I can't believe I missed this before. It's so smooth and even though sad it soars as poetry. I love it! write on, love's song Kethry Religion is for people frightened about going to hell - Spirituality is for people who have been there. Anon. |
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Mark Bohannan Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269In the winds of Cherokee song |
Even though the ending caught me by surprise, I can't say that I didn't enjoy it. I went back a second time to see if I had missed something or not and the second read was even more enjoyable than the first and that my friend is a good thing. The blues for sure but done so well. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Everyone should take a shot at love once in a while!  This is really a well-told ballad, one that holds the reader's attention to the last word. I love poetry like this.... |
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