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Open Poetry #11
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autumn haiku 03
| Open Poetry #11 |
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autumn haiku 03 |
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Beki Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1569Newport Beach, CA, USA |
deep forest shadows move in a long, slow whisper - evening paints the leaves. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Rebecca Reese - All Rights Reserved | |||
Snow
since 2000-10-16
Posts 1170desert flower looking for rain |
this is so beautiful makes you want to just tip toe through the reading.. I loved it. |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Yes, this is lovely, Beki! Denise |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
Lovely imaging here!! I don't think the 'a' and the 'the' should be used in haiku. If you remove the 'the' in the last line, then your count would be right as evening is actually 3 syllables. I don't know what to do for the middle line to keep the 7 syllable count if you remove the a. You need a better expert at haiku than I, I don't even write it anymore because I can't stand all the parameters that exist besides the syllable count. But somehow, I think maybe you've met those. btw, I made an important comment with a question to your comment on "Inside Out." I'm hoping to hear from you on it. Virginia Salter |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
calming shadows dark whispering, whispering now forests comfort me I enjoyed this Beki! Karilea If I whisper, will you listen?... I would rather be silent and write, than speak loudly and be bound. KRJ |
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Beki Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1569Newport Beach, CA, USA |
Thank you Snow and Denise. VAS, I am something of an expert on haiku, having published over 4 dozen , including one in Japan  It is better to avoid unnecessary words like "the" and "a" if possiblE, not always posSible or desirable. Sometimes they serve tHE poem well. Also, syllable count is the LEAST important characteristic of haiku. There is a whole school of thought that believes, and rightly so, that the differences in our languages would make 17 Japanese syllables translate more appropriatey as 13- 14 in English. Therefore it is generally accepted that western haiku may be shorter than 17, but never longer.I will look for your comment on Inside Out now Sunshine, thanks for your responsive haiku, I enjoyed it. One hint, never repeat a word in haiku, it is an awful waste of syllables [This message has been edited by Beki (edited 11-25-2000).] |
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Charisma
since 2000-09-30
Posts 5906lost in blue pages |
this is truly lovely, and as for me, I am greatful with your explanation to VAS, I love this style more and more..... Charisma |
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Beki Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1569Newport Beach, CA, USA |
Thank you Charisma (I love your name by the way My mentor always said it was my true gift and Iknow it is my passion where poetry is concerned. Please visit my homepages and read more.....www.room1401.com/beki |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
Yep, I know the syllable count is not the main criteria. I've read some books of haiku and they rarely held to the 5-7-5. Probably because they were translated to English, more than any other reason. If you've been successful at having published haiku, you're definitely way ahead of me. I used to try haiku, and was pretty happy with mine. Then I went to this web-site that was reccommended to me. It confused me so with so many parameters it almost gave me a headache. Therefore, I gave up. Apparently you didn't give up and apparently you're not the one that was posting her very first haiku about 3 days ago. Guess I got the name wrong. My ignorance of all the parameters of haiku is my other excuse for trying to 'teach' you something. Hope you forgive my erroneously guided zeal. ;o} |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
lovely..the thought that came to my mind was that "even the fox treads his way cautiously"....will you like to write a sequel to this haiku using this idea?  may i ask also if haiku with less than 17 syllables is known as free-form haiku? |
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Beki Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1569Newport Beach, CA, USA |
No problem VAS, I did not take it as an affront.I am just proud of my skill and experience with this particular form. I am known, not by my choice but given by others, as "the haiku queen" on many other websites LOL Kaile , I have never heard of "freeform" haiku and doubt very much if it is an accepted form...accepted academically I mean, perhaps someone somewhere has coined that phrase but it would not apply to any real haiku.I like your image, perhaps I will work it into a haiku one day ...thanks for reading |
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