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Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

0 posted 2000-11-24 03:46 PM


Ego’s Amour

The blade I wield the shield I shield
Stand the shadows of my field
Fights the demons where and when
Hunts the dragons in their den.

The favor I dare and I wear
A simple lock of chestnut hair
For it’s not the grail but the dove
I seek the essence of my love.

She flew one day she flew away,
Not forever, but just a stay.
And I have suffered in her gone
And need our love to be reborn.

I wait and search the moral state
I fight the boredom that I hate
I write of time in verse and rhyme
Chase the phantoms of her chime.

I follow the rainbow of my goal
To reach my Shangri-La her soul.



© Copyright 2000 Seymour Tabin - All Rights Reserved
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
1 posted 2000-11-24 03:48 PM


And he weaves yet again...one more silken thread...the binds that tie...and ties that bind...

for a love
that has left him blind...
< !signature-->

Karilea
If I whisper, will you listen?...
I would rather be silent and write, than speak loudly and be bound.
KRJ





[This message has been edited by Sunshine (edited 11-24-2000).]

Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley
2 posted 2000-11-24 04:19 PM


Enchanting Sy! You are quickly becoming the new King of Romance at Passions!  
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

3 posted 2000-11-24 04:19 PM


The favor I dare and I wear
A simple lock of chestnut hair
For it’s not the grail but the dove
I seek the essence of my love.

She flew one day she flew away,
Not forever, but just a stay.
And I have suffered in her gone
And need our love to be reborn.
====================
I write of time in verse and rhyme
Chase the phantoms of her chime.

I follow the rainbow of my goal
To reach my Shangri-La her soul.
===============

she inspires gifts of gold verse in you sweet Sy...
so sincere and heartstring strumming are your rhymes of longing.

your rainbow goal ... let this poem pay the toll ...
this walk in the Shangri-La that is your soul ...let its gift make you whole.
your words so sublime ... ring my chimes
engraved in gold for all time ... your amazing poetic rhymes.

you get a *winkiewinkie* with a *kisskiss* for the grace I find in this  
me



Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
4 posted 2000-11-24 09:26 PM


Sunshine,
Love you too.

Poet deVine,
Thanks for the enchanting.

JM,
And a kissykissy and winkiewinkie to you too.

Sven
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA
5 posted 2000-11-25 07:42 PM


Hey wait a minute. . . I thought that I was the King of Romance??  LOL  

Great one Sy. . . and if I must yield that title, I will gladly yield to one as superb as you. . .  

--------------------------------------------------------

That which gives light must endure burning
--Victor Frankl


Irish Rose
Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263

6 posted 2000-11-25 07:44 PM


I think it's sensational!


What is that you express in your eyes? It seems to me more than all the words I have read in my life.

Walt Whitman


Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
7 posted 2000-11-25 08:46 PM


Sven,
You are still the king, long live the king and thank you. Sy

Irish,
Love your sensational.

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

8 posted 2000-11-25 08:51 PM


I loved this sy...the construction is deceptively simple...reads like a dream, but the weave is more intricate than a first read reveals. I admire this, and all of your work, very much.
Poeminister
Senior Member
since 2000-02-26
Posts 1862
Regina SK; Canada
9 posted 2000-11-26 12:17 PM


Hello, I enjoyed this poem much, it has great flow and rhyme.  But I do have one tiny critiscism...the way you use "gone" in the following lines--

"And I have suffered in her gone
And need our love to be reborn"

I am by no means a professional poet or critic, but just wanted to suggest "in her absence" and "love to recommence"...however, I understand much poets are rock-solid with their original wording and oft don't take suggestions of changing it from other people...hope you don't take my criticism as
disrespect to you or your poem I'm only mentioning it because I liked it altogether, but had that feeling when my eyes met that line.  

take care.
Poeminister< !signature-->

"...no single sound too rude upon thy slumber shall intrude, Our thoughts, our souls-
O God above! In every deed shall mingle, love."
-Poe




[This message has been edited by Poeminister (edited 11-26-2000).]

Daniel J D
Senior Member
since 2000-10-01
Posts 1471
Hillcrest, Queensland, Australia
10 posted 2000-11-26 02:21 AM


Seymour,
Very well done., I emphasise with you.

"She flew one day she flew away,
Not forever, but just a stay.
And I have suffered in her gone
And need our love to be reborn".

Respond to my call and let the waves of my heart fill your life with the wonders of love
(Daniel J D)

Poeminister
Senior Member
since 2000-02-26
Posts 1862
Regina SK; Canada
11 posted 2000-11-26 02:31 AM


Sorry for commenting the way I did...
I realize I just misunderstood your context..

Poeminister

ethome
Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada
12 posted 2000-11-26 06:26 AM


Very good! Seymour.....
"I write of time in verse and rhyme
chase the phantoms of her chime."
Love it! Man I love it good poetry!!

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
13 posted 2000-11-26 08:31 PM


Serenity,
Yes they are intricate and I thank you for saying so.

Poeminister,
Yes your suggestions are good and I would have used them, but I thought gone and rebirth were much stronger and the feeling more desperate. Enjoyed your comment and thank you. Sy

Danial,
Thank you for the empathy and well done.

Ethome,
Glad it pleased you, it makes me feel good.

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