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Open Poetry #11
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snowpants
Member Elite
since 2000-09-16
Posts 2061
KS

0 posted 2000-11-17 06:11 PM


It's hard to imagine
Life
One year from now,
How inevitably different
Things will be.
The winds of change
Will continue to blow,
And I will travel
Many new paths.
But, as I walk down
Each unexplored route,
I'm hoping that
My journey
Will still lead me back
To your door.
May the tune of our song
Drown out the monotone
Of days passing by
And nights slipping away.
I'm counting on
A lot of things to change,
But one thing's for certain:
I'll always look
In your direction
In the midst
Of the swirling chaos.


I won't go, I won't sleep, I can't breathe until you're resting here with me...

© Copyright 2000 snowpants - All Rights Reserved
aurora rain
Member
since 2000-11-15
Posts 90

1 posted 2000-11-17 06:21 PM


nice meaning to it, i must say. left me feeling haunted towards the end.

might i also suggest your lengthening the line-breaks? the shortness (at the beginning especially) is a bit awkward.


(i know this isn't the forum to critically analyse....but... )

Daniel J D
Senior Member
since 2000-10-01
Posts 1471
Hillcrest, Queensland, Australia
2 posted 2000-11-17 06:23 PM


Snowpants,
My first read for the day, and what a special one. You are brilliant. I feel though you are a little down and need some comfort. If I may offer BIG BIG hugs to you, I am certain you will be much better. Cheers.

"I'm hoping that
My journey
Will still lead me back
To your door".

Respond to my call and let the waves of my heart fill your life with the wonders of love
(Daniel J D)

Celeste
Senior Member
since 2000-11-11
Posts 597

3 posted 2000-11-17 07:32 PM


Beautifully done.   So real.  So honest.   I applaud.

To capture and live a moment is truly living

Aimster
Member Elite
since 2000-02-19
Posts 4297
Charlotte, NC
4 posted 2000-11-17 07:53 PM


kris-
i feel this is one of your stronger
pieces. that said, i know you know
that i like it   great job eeksters!
excellent write.
take care.
~amy~

peppermint35
Senior Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 1106
Texas, USA
5 posted 2000-11-18 02:40 AM


You have woven another masterpiece for us all....some roads are longer and wind around more than others...but all roads eventually lead us home

Did I say I love it??? I love it!!!!

Pepper
"A poem is the very image of life expressed in its eternal truth."
Percy Bysshe Shelley

jwesley
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563
Spring, Texas
6 posted 2000-11-18 10:51 AM


You wrote t his very well, snowpants, I, too, think it one of your better works.  Well Done!

jwesley

Lone Wolf
Member Ascendant
since 2000-03-16
Posts 5842
Lansing, MI USA
7 posted 2000-11-18 09:07 PM


snowpants,

A little time and some space may do wonders for you.  I hope that things turn out for the best for you.  This was nice writing.  

LW


Poetry should surprise by fine excess...it should strike the reader as a wording of his own highest thoughts and appear almost a remembrance. -J.Keats

Roniece Dawson-Bruce
Member Ascendant
since 2000-01-29
Posts 5689
Sydney, Australia
8 posted 2000-11-18 09:14 PM


Snowpants:  I enjoyed this - thanks for the read   Roniece  
Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136
Mobile, AL
9 posted 2000-11-18 09:57 PM


This was awesome, and I have places I can apply it in my life. I love the ending!


snowpants
Member Elite
since 2000-09-16
Posts 2061
KS
10 posted 2000-11-19 09:40 PM


aurora rain:  thanks

Daniel:  thank you, my friend, for the wonderful hugs.  Much needed and much appreciated!  

dreamkeeper:  thank you for the applause!  glad you like it!  

aims:  hey girl.  thanks, I needed to hear that.  you are a great friend!  love ya! -e


pepper:  aww.  too sweet you are.  Thanks!  

jwesley:  thank you, my friend!  glad you liked it!  

LW:  thanks!  you may be right!  

Roniece:  oh, anytime!  thank you!  

Temptress:  that's great to hear!  glad you enjoyed!!  

sp

I won't go, I won't sleep, I can't breathe until you're resting here with me...

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