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Open Poetry #11
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Upon Recollecting (a sonnet I think LOL)
| Open Poetry #11 |
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Upon Recollecting (a sonnet I think LOL) |
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Jeffrey Carter
since 2000-04-08
Posts 2367State of constant confusion! 
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Thou hath forsaken me in mine hour of slumber If thou art true then be gone from mine side The 'morrows days pass short in their number And forbidden nights have slowed my stride I hath gazed yonder, upon oceans blue And seen the the swells from dark abyss They lent me favour, to mine own heart true What measure of life could be this? Ay! Besiege the painted barren land For it's own skeletons lay bare Strewn out just beneath it's surface Charred bones are they, there So sit and hope for mornings breath To conquer the shadows of death! |
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| © Copyright 2000 Jeffrey D. Carter - All Rights Reserved | |||
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tracie66 Member Elite
since 2000-01-18
Posts 4713Australia |
WOW!!! This is so good Jeffrey, very enjoyable read...well worth it  Tracie~ Love is the life of the soul... It is the harmony of the universe |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
I love your style *s ~Wynter may want to taste of it myself, maybe...thinking on sonnet plus style...a nice combination to try next "The worst prison would be a closed heart". ...Pope John Paul II |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Nice piece, Jeff... You've got a good theme... and it 'nearly' conforms to the format of a sonnet.. Your meter deviates a bit from iambic pentameter, but that part is really easy to adjust... You've done a nice job here..  |
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Tiersdin Member Elite
since 2000-11-17
Posts 2364east coast |
outstanding! enjoyed this immensely... -Tier |
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Jeffrey Carter
since 2000-04-08
Posts 2367State of constant confusion! |
Thank You all I knew the teach would find something wrong with it (darn it) LOL |
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Victoria
since 2000-08-12
Posts 5869 |
love it jeff..as nan said..just make those lines about ten syllables each and you got it made in the shade  ~Victoria~ A poem is never finished, only abandoned. - Paul Valery (1871-1945) |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
UMMMMM.......hey jeff gator.... TOLD YA SO ....*SMILE* (that you would be great at this) I like being right... if you did this....THIS well on your first try... Old Bill Shakes is looking over his shoulder lol very nice sonnet-gator jm |
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Lone Wolf Member Ascendant
since 2000-03-16
Posts 5842Lansing, MI USA |
Jeffrey, I like your new style. Very cool writing my friend!! LW Poetry should surprise by fine excess...it should strike the reader as a wording of his own highest thoughts and appear almost a remembrance. -J.Keats |
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