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SEA
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with you

0 posted 2000-11-16 10:20 AM



Beauty in my eyes
you are all that I can see
visions of loving
~SEA~

© Copyright 2000 S.E. A - All Rights Reserved
SEA
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1 posted 2000-11-16 10:21 AM


I hope I did this right, if not, please tell me what I did wrong thanks, SEA
Sunshine
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2 posted 2000-11-16 10:22 AM


Sea, this is lovely!  Haikus generally reflect nature, but I have no problem with this keeper....< !signature-->

Karilea
If I whisper, will you listen?...
I would rather be silent and write, than speak loudly and be bound.
KRJ





[This message has been edited by Sunshine (edited 11-16-2000).]

OLIAS
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since 2000-06-20
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Pearl city Iowa
3 posted 2000-11-16 10:31 AM


You hit the nail on the head with me SEA. Well done !!

Regards
Olias.

Interloper
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Deep in the heart
4 posted 2000-11-16 10:33 AM


Golly you did good
A successful first attempt
Now don't you feel good

What Sunshine said ... Ditto

Live for love. Without love, you don't live.


BSC
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5 posted 2000-11-16 10:38 AM


Beautiful little gem SEA ~ Bonnie
Victoria
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6 posted 2000-11-16 10:43 AM


yep you got the hang of it sea..write on

salty sea whispers
the tides reflect the sunshine
a jelly fish stings


A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
- Paul Valery (1871-1945)


SEA
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7 posted 2000-11-16 11:05 AM


Sunshine~ ok, I'll do them that way, thank you!  

Olias~   thank you  

Interloper~ thanks  

Bonnie~ I like these, they're fun, thanks  

Victoria~ I'm trying, thank you  
-SEA

VAS
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since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450
Oregon
8 posted 2000-11-16 11:18 AM


SEA

You have followed the count perfectly.  I love the lightness of the piece, the tenderness of its message.

I used to do lots of Haiku until I learned of stringent 'purist' rules.  They were too hard to understand so I gave up.  I hope you do not for this first attempt is so beautiful.

VAS

Charisma
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9 posted 2000-11-16 01:32 PM


sounds good for me Sea...
but well I have never done that..
but seeing yours and the others doing this...
well maybe I will try it too...
loved yours

((hugs))
Charisma

vlraynes
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since 2000-07-25
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10 posted 2000-11-16 02:08 PM



SEA-
  this is really beautiful.  
  as Sunshine stated, haiku is
  a nature-themed poetry form.
  however, this is still a valid
  form of poetry...a haiku that
  is not nature-related is called
  a senryu, and this is a
  wonderful example of senryu that
  you have penned.  
  very nicely done.  
  
  hugs,
  -vicky




"...until you have read the verse on his
heart, you have not truely met the poet."
-vlraynes



kaile
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singapore
11 posted 2000-11-16 06:08 PM


a senryu this is and a sweet one that makes go WoW!
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