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Open Poetry #10
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Teach me to Tango
| Open Poetry #10 |
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Teach me to Tango |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California 
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Teach me to Tango Do you know how to dance the tango, he asked giving her a look that was heavy with melting for meaning can be heavy most nights in this place where sipping eyes conspire over glasses that swirl with dark pungent She had come here with a friend who was now gone out the door to somewhere with tall and dark and she didn’t know what to do with her hands as he glazed her surface resting on the upturn of his question No she smiled looking down down at the froth of her cool on tap and listening she heard a rhythm of sound so sultry that her skin could feel its slide and she tried to gather her words that had been no she was sure but she could see he was still asking He touched the amber of his round glass to his lips his lips slowly delicious and she stopped breathing watching as he swirled and lowered them ‘til they fell in ripples across the shimmering wood of the bar She felt the rose of heat her cheeks were making on his impression and she knew it was becoming and she wanted so much to run down past the heart throb of sound that danced across the air and waited like romance for someone to say yes I know I know how to tango. But she did not yes she did not want to drag her rhythm across the floor with his whim did not want to feel his breath against her cheek insisting that she allow him to glide with her into a story that couldn’t yet she hesitated long enough long enough to feel his brandied breath reach her and to see the clean of his cheek a place soft and smooth and smelling of beguile and so when she looked back into his question the one she had breathed a no into she said teach me |
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| © Copyright 2000 Martie Odell Ingebretsen - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Wonderful, Martie!! You express so well the zillions of thoughts that can run through a mind in a split second! Fantastic! Denise |
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jwesley Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563Spring, Texas |
I can't say any better than the above Martie...you've written another gem. jwesley |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Martie~ Everyday I thank God for you ! For your talent that takes me on trips to places I've either - never been - or want to go again ! This is a want-to-go-again one - Oh ... sweet travel agent ... book mine for tonight ! I read it four times and got tipsy on the vaporous sensuality of it. 'the clean of his cheek a place soft and smooth and smelling of beguile' (am I drooling ???) Lord - I think I've died and gone to Heaven. (Or at least to dance class) Wonderful, you ! ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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lucky Senior Member
since 2000-01-17
Posts 1601Idaho |
Martie, Was that the year of the great Sonoran earthquake... Maybe I should look into this Tango thing. This is one smoken wit, and I don't mean cigaret. Oh no here come RJ. I might have to hide for a minute. love ya. WOW Great, dale [This message has been edited by lucky (edited 11-13-2000).] |
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Rosemary J. Gwaltney Senior Member
since 1999-08-26
Posts 997northern mountains, Idaho |
Martie - I just love the way this keeps tripping up my mind, leaving me in the air, knowing the answer, and whirling me on to the next second without having to explain! And then that ending - wow! - "smelling of beguile and so when she looked back into his question the one she had breathed a no into she said teach me". I love the way you word your poems!!!!! Glad Dale called me to come see this one! He said it would rock my socks, and he was right! I've been in a dry spell, but you've inspired me tonight!!! Thank you! |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Denise--You are fantastic! jwesley--thanks for seeing a gem. Marge--vaporous sensuality..wow thanks, I think.  Dale--you make me laugh...thanks you smokin wit friend. Rosemary...I am always so glad when I get a reply from you...I have missed you, and your poetry! |
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SpitFire Member Elite
since 2000-04-19
Posts 2396 |
~Martie,...reading that, was an experience. An extremely enjoyable one. Thank you. You are incredible at taking me far. Love that! *Peace. |
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Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
Ohhhhhhhhh Martie!!! I could feel and see and taste this one...oh that feeling...you are a poet through to your soul!!! Those last words....Teach Me....ARRRRRRRHHHHH I loved this!!!! |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
You little devil you ... you sure had me going there.. what a beautiful tale you spun and it was vividly visual from a virtual perspective point of view......ethome |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Martie, this is awesome! How in the world do you do this so well? Such excellent weaving of a story here! I was thinking yes, no, maybe, get lost.....but never teach me. You are dynamite! |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
No she smiled looking down down at the froth of her cool on tap and listening she heard a rhythm of sound so sultry that her skin could feel its slide and she tried to gather her words that had been no she was sure but she could see he was still asking He touched the amber of his round glass to his lips his lips slowly delicious and she stopped breathing watching as he swirled and lowered them ‘til they fell in ripples across the shimmering wood of the bar She felt the rose of heat her cheeks were making on his impression and she knew it was becoming --------------------- But she did not yes she did not want to drag her rhythm across the floor with his whim -------------------- OH MY MY OH MY .... why you beautiful "flame" you ..  Martie this is the COOOOOLEST poem I dont even need to mention the imagery ...its a given...amazing what makes this poem so impressive and so appealing is the intensity and the done SO WELL ...subtle sensuality .. talk about a slow burn baby ... awesome writing... now if you will excuse me...I need to go take my poetic envy medication love ya for this one me "What the caterpillar calls the end ... The world calls a butterfly" Lao Tze Tao ~Butterflies are meant to be free~ |
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Masked Intruder
Moderator
Senior Member
since 1999-05-23
Posts 1231Near golden sunsets |
You got me thinkin bout the German language and how they use adjectives as nouns once in a while. I love that! "Tall and dark" I can't quote all the parts that I like, cuz that would basically be like rewriting the poem on my reply. *grins* |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Oh, so Martiesque... such a wonderful way of expression... regards, sudhir |
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Elizabeth Cor Senior Member
since 2000-10-13
Posts 879Over the river and through the woods |
Martie, WOW. There are so many things I want to say about this that I can hardly put even one into words... Here, the the insecurity and fervor… and every inward sensation stark, hung on your lines. Oh! Every time you write, I feel transported into another being -- feeling every inch of their conscience, and the peculiar tugs from one emotion to the next. Astounding! ~ Beth |
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tracie66 Member Elite
since 2000-01-18
Posts 4713Australia |
WOW!!! Martie incredible feeling in this, so extreme in the emotion...so very well penned my friend One incredible piece...well done Tracie~ Love is the life of the soul... It is the harmony of the universe |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Oh Martie, this is superb, so vivid, I could see it all and hear it too Amazing you are! Maree "If my words could blanket the skies and fill every corner and crevice of this earth, still this won't be enough" "Maree Russo" |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
SpitFire--Thank you for letting me that reading this was an enjoyable experience...I'm glad. Thanks Butterflies for a great comment! Ethome--you're cute, and thanks! Balladeer--Wow, thanks for such a wonderful reply... Janet--you sure make me smile...I thank you for that! Masked Intruder--I'm glad you liked the way I wrote it...I didn't know that about the Germans...thanks. Beth--thank you so much for your enthusiasm! Tracie--thanks for such an incredible reply. Maree--I'm glad you liked my poem, sweet one..thanks for letting me know. |
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SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
Martie~ You took me there, held me so I couldn't look away, hoping she'd dance with him.......***SIGH*** I LOVE this!! Fantastic poem! -SEA |
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Wilfred Yeats Member Elite
since 2000-08-04
Posts 2704Wilmington, Delaware |
There are absolutely not enough superlatives to respond to this - EVERY LINE drips with wonderful metaphors so sensual and dripping with meaning - and - I cannot imagine a single reader who is not transported totally into the scene you've painted - You're unquestionably the queen -- and all crowns go to you on this one! |
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Wilfred Yeats Member Elite
since 2000-08-04
Posts 2704Wilmington, Delaware |
Back to the top with you~S~ |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Thanks for the crown, Bill and for the bump just now...you are too sweet. Sudhir...sorry I missed you...so glad to see you!! |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
...and all throughout, I see Pacino from Scent of a Woman...the tango being my favorite scene of the entire show... and there you are, now firmly ensconced in the movie in my mind... Karilea If I whisper, will you listen?... I would rather be silent and write, than speak loudly and be bound. KRJ |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
A great movie to be in..thank you Sunshine!! |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
martie, straight into the detail: Teach me to Tango Do you know how to dance the tango, he asked giving her a look that was heavy with melting >>> number one nice image ..lol.. redolent with innuendo and warming iced drinks....lol for meaning can be heavy most nights in this place where sipping eyes >>> numero deux .. another drinks image .. clever little switch from the boringly obvious "sipping lips" ... loved the idea of eyes taking little "sips" of another person ! conspire over glasses that swirl with dark pungent >>> again nice wording - fits and adds to the atmosphere you have built very quickly and very convincingly - "conspire, swirl, dark" good stuff ... "pungent" is good as well but it's screaming adjective at me and i don't know whether i can quite cope with it being used as a noun - i keep thinking, pungent what?....lol (but see below for my full retraction...heh )She had come here with a friend who was now gone >>> quirky but clever line break! out the door to somewhere with tall and dark >>> ok so you are playing with this adjective thing (quirky again ....clever).....maybe i don't mind "pungent" after all...lol and she didn't know what to do with her hands as he glazed her surfaceresting on the upturn of his question >>> "glazed" more drinks/food allusion (variation on gazed of course) - bordering on the lascivious ~grin~ No she smiled looking down down at the froth of her cool on tap >>> ok ok..now you are rocking with this adjectival thingy ("pungent" is truly allowable btw) ... "cool on tap" ..loved it ..watching for more: and listening she heard a rhythm of sound so sultry that her skin could feel its slide and she tried to gather her words that had been no she was sure but she could see he was still asking >>> this is delicious Martie ... very subtle .. very believable - sensuous confusion, persistence, persuasion ....at its best ..you've been reading too much Jane Austen good lady ....lol He touched the amber of his round glass to his lips his lips slowly delicious and she stopped breathing watching as he swirled and lowered them ‘til they fell in ripples across the shimmering wood of the bar >>> ok ..i see what you are doing .. the heat the moment the desire the alcohol the atmosphere are building .. the writing is accordingly becoming nearly surreal .. almost hypnotic at this stage .. you carry this off ok i think martie but it's right on the edge.... She felt the rose of heat her cheeks were making on his impression >>> i don't believe I've ever see "rose of heat" before ...simple effective ..you're incredible...lol... and then again the play with grammar ...geez and she knew it was becoming and she wanted so much to run >>> ok so far down past the heart throb of sound that danced across the air and waited like romance >>> hummm, "heart throb" (even in that novel use) plus "danced" plus "romance" in three lines is too much for me to handle martie!!! for someone to say yes I know I know how to tango. But she did not yes she did not want to drag her rhythm across the floor with his whim did not want to feel his breath against her cheek insisting that she allow him to glide with her into a story that couldn't >>> LOL...slow old me finally gets it ...heh ...the stops and adjective breaks ARE the tango.....no? the short and quick lines and the unnatural pauses are the rhythm ....I'm not too familiar with the dance ....but surely this is what you are shooting for ...tell me I'm right ...lol? yet she hesitated long enough long enough to feel his brandied breath reach her and to see the clean of his cheek a place soft and smooth and smelling of beguile and so when she looked back into his question the one she had breathed a no into she said teach me >>> superb ending ..sheesh ...totally loved it and the line: "and so when she looked back into his question" is just "wicked" (uk slang for scintillatingly good in a slightly racy way)...... so good in fact that i really wonder if you need to remind the reader with the next line... can't we just slide straight to the closure....and maybe alter the line break....ie : "and so when she looked back into his question she said, teach me" just a thought..... martie this is great ...some excellent and novel ideas in this poem thanks philip |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Philip--You are so good at this...you see things that I never even thought about being there...the rhythm of the poetry is the Tango...hmmm...well, sure sounds good to me, however unintentional. Thank you my friend!! I like playing with language...it just seemed to work in this poem...I'm glad you enjoyed. |
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Gemini Senior Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 1203Wisconsin, USA |
Martie-I'm up for learning, exqusite read. |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
always admire your writing |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Now I truly can go to sleep with a smile on my face, this was superlative writing, a true Martieism that somehow I missed. Wonderful imagery in this one Martie. |
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