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Passions in Poetry

Teach me to Tango

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Martie
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0 posted 11-13-2000 08:07 PM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie


   Teach me to Tango

Do you know how to dance the tango,
he asked
giving her a look that was heavy
with melting
for meaning can be heavy most nights
in this place
where sipping eyes
conspire over glasses
that swirl with dark pungent

She had come here with a friend
who was now gone
out the door to somewhere
with tall and dark
and she didn’t know what to do
with her hands
as he glazed her surface
resting on the upturn of his question

No she smiled looking down
down at the froth of her cool on tap
and listening she heard a rhythm of sound
so sultry that her skin could feel its slide
and she tried to gather her words
that had been no she was sure
but she could see he was still asking

He touched the amber of his round glass
to his lips his lips slowly delicious
and she stopped breathing watching as
he swirled and lowered them
‘til they fell in ripples
across the shimmering wood of the bar

She felt the rose of heat her cheeks were making
on his impression
and she knew it was becoming
and she wanted so much to run
down past the heart throb of sound
that danced across the air
and waited like romance
for someone to say yes I know
I know how to tango.

But she did not yes she did not want
to drag her rhythm across the floor
with his whim
did not want to feel his breath
against her cheek insisting that
she allow him to glide with her
into a story that couldn’t

yet she hesitated long enough
long enough to feel his brandied breath reach her
and to see the clean of his cheek
a place soft and smooth and smelling of beguile
and so when she looked back into his question
the one she had breathed a no into

she said teach me
© Copyright 2000 Martie Odell-Ingebretsen - All Rights Reserved
Denise
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1 posted 11-13-2000 08:21 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Wonderful, Martie!! You express so well the zillions of thoughts that can run through a mind in a split second! Fantastic!

Denise
jwesley
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since 04-30-2000
Posts 6413
Texas . . .


2 posted 11-13-2000 08:26 PM       View Profile for jwesley   Email jwesley   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for jwesley

I can't say any better than the above Martie...you've written another gem.

jwesley
Marge Tindal
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Florida's Foreverly Shores


3 posted 11-13-2000 08:41 PM       View Profile for Marge Tindal   Email Marge Tindal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marge Tindal's Home Page   View IP for Marge Tindal

Martie~
Everyday I thank God for you !

For your talent that takes me on trips
to places I've either - never been -
or want to go again !

This is a want-to-go-again one -
Oh ... sweet travel agent ...
book mine for tonight !

I read it four times and got tipsy
on the vaporous sensuality of it.

'the clean of his cheek
a place soft and smooth and smelling of beguile'


(am I drooling ???)

Lord - I think I've died and gone to Heaven.
(Or at least to dance class)

Wonderful, you !
~*Marge*~


~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com
lucky
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since 01-17-2000
Posts 1648
Idaho


4 posted 11-13-2000 08:52 PM       View Profile for lucky   Email lucky   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for lucky

Martie,

Was that the year of the great Sonoran earthquake... Maybe I should look into this Tango thing. This is one smoken wit, and I don't mean cigaret. Oh no here come RJ. I might have to hide for a minute. love ya.

WOW Great, dale



[This message has been edited by lucky (edited 11-13-2000).]
Rosemary J. Gwaltney
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since 08-26-99
Posts 1064
northern mountains, Idaho


5 posted 11-13-2000 09:09 PM       View Profile for Rosemary J. Gwaltney   Email Rosemary J. Gwaltney   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Rosemary J. Gwaltney's Home Page   View IP for Rosemary J. Gwaltney

Martie - I just love the way this keeps tripping up my mind, leaving me in the air, knowing the answer, and whirling me on to the next second without having to explain!

And then that ending - wow! - "smelling of beguile and so when she looked back into his question the one she had breathed a no into
she said teach me".  I love the way you word your poems!!!!!

Glad Dale called me to come see this one!  He said it would rock my socks, and he was right!  I've been in a dry spell, but you've inspired me tonight!!!  Thank you!

Martie
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6 posted 11-13-2000 10:29 PM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

Denise--You are fantastic!  

jwesley--thanks for seeing a gem.

Marge--vaporous sensuality..wow thanks, I think.  

Dale--you make me laugh...thanks you smokin wit friend.

Rosemary...I am always so glad when I get a reply from you...I have missed you, and your poetry!
SpitFire
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since 04-19-2000
Posts 2428


7 posted 11-13-2000 10:35 PM       View Profile for SpitFire   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SpitFire

~Martie,...reading that, was an experience. An extremely enjoyable one. Thank you. You are incredible at taking me far. Love that! *Peace.
Butterflies_dont_cry
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since 03-06-2000
Posts 3768
Michigan


8 posted 11-13-2000 10:47 PM       View Profile for Butterflies_dont_cry   Email Butterflies_dont_cry   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Butterflies_dont_cry

Ohhhhhhhhh Martie!!! I could feel and see
and taste this one...oh that feeling...you
are a poet through to your soul!!!  Those
last words....Teach Me....ARRRRRRRHHHHH I
loved this!!!!  
ethome
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since 05-14-2000
Posts 11545
New Brunswick Canada


9 posted 11-13-2000 10:55 PM       View Profile for ethome   Email ethome   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit ethome's Home Page   View IP for ethome

You little devil you ... you sure had me going there.. what a beautiful tale you spun and it was vividly visual from a virtual perspective point of view......ethome
Balladeer
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Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


10 posted 11-13-2000 11:56 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Martie, this is awesome! How in the world do you do this so well? Such excellent weaving of a story here! I was thinking yes, no, maybe, get lost.....but never teach me. You are dynamite!
Janet Marie
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since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


11 posted 11-14-2000 12:21 AM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

No she smiled looking down
down at the froth of her cool on tap
and listening she heard a rhythm of sound
so sultry that her skin could feel its slide
and she tried to gather her words
that had been no she was sure
but she could see he was still asking

He touched the amber of his round glass
to his lips his lips slowly delicious
and she stopped breathing watching as
he swirled and lowered them
‘til they fell in ripples
across the shimmering wood of the bar

She felt the rose of heat her cheeks were making
on his impression
and she knew it was becoming
---------------------

But she did not yes she did not want
to drag her rhythm across the floor
with his whim
--------------------
OH MY
MY OH MY ....
why you beautiful "flame" you ..
Martie this is the COOOOOLEST poem
I dont even need to mention the imagery ...its a given...amazing
what makes this poem so impressive and so appealing is the intensity and the done SO WELL ...subtle sensuality ..
talk about a slow burn baby ...
awesome writing...
now if you will excuse me...I need to go take my poetic envy medication  
love ya for this one
me

"What the caterpillar calls the end ...
The world calls a butterfly"
Lao Tze Tao

~Butterflies are meant to be free~

Masked Intruder
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12 posted 11-14-2000 02:10 AM       View Profile for Masked Intruder   Email Masked Intruder   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Masked Intruder

You got me thinkin bout the German language and how they use adjectives as nouns once in a while.  I love that! "Tall and dark"
I can't quote all the parts that I like, cuz that would basically be like rewriting the poem on my reply. *grins*
Sudhir Iyer
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since 04-26-2000
Posts 7206
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13 posted 11-14-2000 05:05 AM       View Profile for Sudhir Iyer   Email Sudhir Iyer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sudhir Iyer

Oh, so Martiesque...

such a wonderful way of expression...

regards,
sudhir
Elizabeth Cor
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since 10-13-2000
Posts 906
Oregon (yeah!)


14 posted 11-14-2000 06:06 AM       View Profile for Elizabeth Cor   Email Elizabeth Cor   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Elizabeth Cor

Martie,
WOW. There are so many things I want to say about this that I can hardly put even one into words...
Here, the the insecurity and fervor… and every inward sensation stark, hung on your lines. Oh!

Every time you write, I feel transported into another being -- feeling every inch of their conscience, and the peculiar tugs from one emotion to the next. Astounding!

~ Beth
tracie66
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since 01-18-2000
Posts 4587
Victoria, Australia


15 posted 11-14-2000 06:12 AM       View Profile for tracie66   Email tracie66   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit tracie66's Home Page   View IP for tracie66

WOW!!!
Martie incredible feeling in this, so extreme in the emotion...so very well penned my friend  
One incredible piece...well done
Tracie~


Love is the life of the soul...
It is the harmony of the universe


Dark Angel
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since 08-04-99
Posts 10270


16 posted 11-14-2000 07:42 AM       View Profile for Dark Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dark Angel

Oh Martie, this is superb, so vivid, I could see it all and hear it too  

Amazing you are!

Maree

"If my words could blanket the skies
and fill every corner and crevice of
this earth, still this won't be enough"
"Maree Russo"
Martie
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17 posted 11-14-2000 10:09 AM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

SpitFire--Thank you for letting me that reading this was an enjoyable experience...I'm glad.

Thanks Butterflies for a great comment!

Ethome--you're cute, and thanks!

Balladeer--Wow, thanks for such a wonderful reply...

Janet--you sure make me smile...I thank you for that!

Masked Intruder--I'm glad you liked the way I wrote it...I didn't know that about the Germans...thanks.

Beth--thank you so much for your enthusiasm!

Tracie--thanks for such an incredible reply.

Maree--I'm glad you liked my poem, sweet one..thanks for letting me know.

SEA
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with you


18 posted 11-14-2000 10:21 AM       View Profile for SEA   Email SEA   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SEA

Martie~ You took me there, held me so I couldn't look away, hoping she'd dance with him.......***SIGH*** I LOVE this!! Fantastic poem!   -SEA
Wilfred Yeats
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since 08-04-2000
Posts 2916
Wilmington, Delaware


19 posted 11-14-2000 11:11 AM       View Profile for Wilfred Yeats   Email Wilfred Yeats   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Wilfred Yeats's Home Page   View IP for Wilfred Yeats

There are absolutely not enough superlatives to respond to this - EVERY LINE drips with wonderful metaphors so sensual and dripping with meaning - and - I cannot imagine a single reader who is not transported totally into the scene you've painted - You're unquestionably the queen -- and all crowns go to you on this one!
Wilfred Yeats
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since 08-04-2000
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Wilmington, Delaware


20 posted 11-14-2000 08:11 PM       View Profile for Wilfred Yeats   Email Wilfred Yeats   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Wilfred Yeats's Home Page   View IP for Wilfred Yeats

Back to the top with you~S~
Martie
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21 posted 11-14-2000 08:24 PM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

Thanks for the crown, Bill and for the bump just now...you are too sweet.

Sudhir...sorry I missed you...so glad to see you!!
Sunshine
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since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


22 posted 11-14-2000 08:39 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

...and all throughout, I see Pacino from Scent of a Woman...the tango being my favorite scene of the entire show...

and there you are, now firmly ensconced in the movie in my mind...


Karilea
If I whisper, will you listen?...
I would rather be silent and write, than speak loudly and be bound.
KRJ



Martie
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23 posted 11-14-2000 10:10 PM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

A great movie to be in..thank you Sunshine!!
Poertree
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24 posted 11-15-2000 02:03 PM       View Profile for Poertree   Email Poertree   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poertree

martie, straight into the detail:

Teach me to Tango
Do you know how to dance the tango,
he asked
giving her a look that was heavy
with melting

>>> number one nice image ..lol..  redolent with innuendo and warming iced drinks....lol

for meaning can be heavy most nights
in this place
where sipping eyes

>>> numero deux ..  another drinks image ..  clever little switch from the boringly obvious "sipping lips" ... loved the idea of eyes taking little "sips" of another person !

conspire over glasses
that swirl with dark pungent
>>> again nice wording - fits and adds to the atmosphere you have built very quickly and very convincingly  - "conspire, swirl, dark" good stuff ... "pungent" is good as well but it's screaming adjective at me and i don't know whether i can quite cope with it being used as a noun - i keep thinking, pungent what?....lol (but see below for my full retraction...heh  )

She had come here with a friend
who was now gone

>>> quirky but clever line break!

out the door to somewhere
with tall and dark

>>> ok so you are playing with this adjective thing (quirky again ....clever).....maybe i don't mind "pungent" after all...lol

and she didn't know what to do
with her hands
as he glazed her surfaceresting on the upturn of his question
>>> "glazed" more drinks/food allusion (variation on gazed of course) - bordering on the lascivious ~grin~

No she smiled looking down
down at the froth of her cool on tap

>>> ok ok..now you are rocking with this adjectival thingy ("pungent" is truly allowable btw) ... "cool on tap" ..loved it ..watching for more:

and listening she heard a rhythm of sound
so sultry that her skin could feel its slide
and she tried to gather her words
that had been no she was sure
but she could see he was still asking

>>> this is delicious Martie ... very subtle ..  very believable - sensuous confusion, persistence, persuasion ....at its best ..you've been reading too much Jane Austen good lady ....lol

He touched the amber of his round glass
to his lips his lips slowly delicious
and she stopped breathing watching as
he swirled and lowered them
‘til they fell in ripples
across the shimmering wood of the bar

>>> ok ..i see what you are doing ..  the heat the moment the desire the alcohol the atmosphere are building ..  the writing is accordingly becoming nearly surreal ..  almost hypnotic at this stage ..  you carry this off ok i think martie but it's right on the edge....

She felt the rose of heat her cheeks were making
on his impression

>>> i don't believe I've ever see "rose of heat" before ...simple effective ..you're incredible...lol... and then again the play with grammar ...geez

and she knew it was becoming
and she wanted so much to run

>>> ok so far

down past the heart throb of sound
that danced across the air
and waited like romance

>>> hummm,  "heart throb" (even in that novel use) plus "danced" plus "romance" in three lines is too much for me to handle martie!!!


for someone to say yes I know
I know how to tango.
But she did not yes she did not want
to drag her rhythm across the floor
with his whim
did not want to feel his breath
against her cheek insisting that
she allow him to glide with her
into a story that couldn't

>>> LOL...slow old me finally gets it ...heh ...the stops and adjective breaks ARE the tango.....no?  the short and quick lines and the unnatural pauses are the rhythm ....I'm not too familiar with the dance ....but surely this is what you are shooting for ...tell me I'm right ...lol?

yet she hesitated long enough
long enough to feel his brandied breath reach her
and to see the clean of his cheek
a place soft and smooth and smelling of beguile
and so when she looked back into his question
the one she had breathed a no into
she said teach me

>>> superb ending ..sheesh ...totally loved it and the line:

"and so when she looked back into his question"

is just "wicked" (uk slang for scintillatingly good in a slightly racy way)...... so good in fact that i really wonder if you need to remind the reader with the next line... can't we just slide straight to the closure....and maybe alter the line break....ie :

"and so when she looked back into his question she said,

teach me"

just a thought.....

martie this is great ...some excellent and novel ideas in this poem

thanks

philip
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