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Passions in Poetry

Since Last December

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Masked Intruder
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0 posted 11-13-2000 03:58 PM       View Profile for Masked Intruder   Email Masked Intruder   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Masked Intruder



Five days since last December,
And still the cold clings to me.
I pull tighter this cloak of forgiveness,
Wrapped in its protecting warmth.

The chill wind bites at my skin,
Stinging my face, my hands, my memory
As I am again drifted back into
The realms of last December.

Guilt ripped at my soul, as I walked
Away from my life, from you.
Tears refused to come, stone-faced
I ran, ran from it all, the responsibility.

I can picture your black-streaked eyes,
Staring obliquely through rain-streaked windows
As your cold shoulder silently says goodbye
To me as the door slams with my retreat.

Five months and sorrow remains, internal
Pity pulls at my heart, and again my soul.
A single rose I place at your doorstep,
In hopeful forgiveness, warmth from the cold.

Five weeks I wait in depression, five cold weeks
I wait nightly for a single headlight
To find my apartment, and say It's all right.
And in five weeks I receive no sign.

Four days since last December,
And still the cold clings to me.
I receive a gift of forgiveness,
A cloak to keep out the fear, the depression.

Six days since last December,
And I lay in forgetfulness behind an empty wall,
Behind an empty room, to bask in radiant glory
From the setting sun of my life.
© Copyright 2000 Philip Zemler - All Rights Reserved
Kethry
Member Rara Avis
since 07-29-2000
Posts 9235
Victoria Australia


1 posted 11-13-2000 04:04 PM       View Profile for Kethry   Email Kethry   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kethry

Masked Intruder,
what pain this poem reveals. *HuGS*
be well
Kethry


Why do yesterdays remain and todays pass by ...unnoticed?
Rex E. Alford
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


2 posted 11-13-2000 04:08 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

Four days since last December,
And still the cold clings to me.
I receive a gift of forgiveness,
A cloak to keep out the fear, the depression.

Six days since last December,
And I lay in forgetfulness behind an empty wall,
Behind an empty room, to bask in radiant glory
From the setting sun of my life.
============
MI, this is excellent ...
my goodness...such a lonley, haunted piece
your have expressed the torment and desperation so well the reader feels the chill.
The use of the calendar days counting off were very effective and added greatly to the poems emotive pull
very well written
take care
jm

"What the caterpillar calls the end ...
The world calls a butterfly"
Lao Tze Tao

~Butterflies are meant to be free~

Ryan
Member
since 06-10-99
Posts 318
Kansas


3 posted 11-13-2000 04:11 PM       View Profile for Ryan   Email Ryan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Ryan

I skimmed the first stanza and got bored so I went to hit my head against the wall really hard.

Ryan


I like too many things and get all confused and hung-up running from one falling star to another till i drop. This is the night, what it does to you. I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion.
—Jack Kerouac



[This message has been edited by Ryan (edited 11-13-2000).]
SEA
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with you


4 posted 11-13-2000 04:12 PM       View Profile for SEA   Email SEA   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SEA

MI~ this is so sad......this made my heart feel heavy.....I love it when poetry does that to me! Excellent write   -SEA
Masked Intruder
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5 posted 11-13-2000 04:19 PM       View Profile for Masked Intruder   Email Masked Intruder   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Masked Intruder

Kethry-
Thanks for the hugs, they are always appreciated.  

Janet Marie-
Thank you for putting so much time into a response.  It's not often I get an in depth response.

SEA-
Thank you, too.  Glad to hear that I'm affecting people.

And Ryan-

I don't know what to say besides I hope it hurt a whole *beepin* lot, you piece of *beep*!  Well, that said, I think you should go to hell and learn some *beepin* manners. Jerk.
Poeminister
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since 02-26-2000
Posts 1868
Regina SK; Canada


6 posted 11-13-2000 04:22 PM       View Profile for Poeminister   Email Poeminister   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Poeminister's Home Page   View IP for Poeminister

Your poetry often creates winders. This is very pensive and chilling, it compelled me to read a few times through.  Very well written.  Hopeing things will look up for you.

Take care
-Poeminister  


"...no single sound too rude
Upon thy slumber shall intrude,
Our thoughts, our souls- O God above!
In every deed shall mingle, love."
--Ed
Ryan
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since 06-10-99
Posts 318
Kansas


7 posted 11-13-2000 04:24 PM       View Profile for Ryan   Email Ryan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Ryan

I wouldn't have beaten my head against the wall if you hadn't written such a bad poem.  I mean, the cliches make me want to wretch and the poorly conveyed whiny emotions make me want to disembowel myself and use my intestines as spaghetti for dinner.

Ryan


I like too many things and get all confused and hung-up running from one falling star to another till i drop. This is the night, what it does to you. I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion.
—Jack Kerouac

ethome
Member Patricius
since 05-14-2000
Posts 11545
New Brunswick Canada


8 posted 11-13-2000 04:28 PM       View Profile for ethome   Email ethome   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit ethome's Home Page   View IP for ethome

Hey Intruder you're really crying from the depths of the soul in this one.....it's a wave of sadness throughout with your heart pleading and yearning...oh what pain and sorrow that can be ...I went through it with my first love...did'nt think I was going to live some of the time.....tricky stuff that love....it can thrill ya then kill ya...but you know things always get better and time heals and at the end of that particular road you might even say to yourself... man! what a wonderful lesson I just learned and as I look back I can realize that it was'nt going to work anyway....and the beat goes on and you're happy again and a new and stronger man .....take care...ethome....
Poeminister
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since 02-26-2000
Posts 1868
Regina SK; Canada


9 posted 11-13-2000 04:50 PM       View Profile for Poeminister   Email Poeminister   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Poeminister's Home Page   View IP for Poeminister

What is stopping Ryan. He should go to it, if he feels so compelled ,rather than write disrespectful and ignorant comments.  
Masked Intruder
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10 posted 11-13-2000 04:53 PM       View Profile for Masked Intruder   Email Masked Intruder   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Masked Intruder

Poeminister-
Thanks for taking the time to read.

Ethome-
thrill ya then kill ya...yep that about wraps it up. *smiles*

Ryan-
How bout I ignore you for a few hours and see if you're feeling better after eating your intestines for dinner?  That okay with you or should I just come up with some more cliches and laugh at you wretching?  *beep*er!
doreen peri
Member Rara Avis
since 05-25-99
Posts 8028
Virginia


11 posted 11-13-2000 06:25 PM       View Profile for doreen peri   Email doreen peri   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for doreen peri

"I wait nightly for a single headlight "

great line here, MI... this one's got a spirit of persuassion along with the kind of  true sincerity i admire in poetry...

nicely done... you have a way of relaying emotion so the reader can feel it..

no WAIT!! that wasn't YOU!! i was already depressed... hehe    

Ryan
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since 06-10-99
Posts 318
Kansas


12 posted 11-13-2000 06:31 PM       View Profile for Ryan   Email Ryan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Ryan

Intestines sure are good, and after looking at this poem again, I think I might go have a second helping for dinner.

Ryan


I like too many things and get all confused and hung-up running from one falling star to another till i drop. This is the night, what it does to you. I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion.
—Jack Kerouac

SEA
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with you


13 posted 11-13-2000 06:40 PM       View Profile for SEA   Email SEA   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SEA

Ryan~ you don't belong here...........
doreen peri
Member Rara Avis
since 05-25-99
Posts 8028
Virginia


14 posted 11-13-2000 06:47 PM       View Profile for doreen peri   Email doreen peri   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for doreen peri

yes he does too!!! :P
lol  
Masked Intruder
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15 posted 11-13-2000 08:06 PM       View Profile for Masked Intruder   Email Masked Intruder   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Masked Intruder

Ryan, I hope you choke and die! You are a disgrace to this board and a disgrace to mankind with your rude and snide comments on a perfectly good poem. So, there!  Go crawl in a hole and die! Die! Die! Die! Die!  Or at least shut the *beep* up!

*calming down*

So, Doreen...depressed are we?  Join the club. *grins*  After this little argument comes to a conclusion, I might have been pushed right over the edge. Might go so far as to kill Ryan's lil white @ss!  *grins* Love ya, thank ya, and good night...
Ryan
Member
since 06-10-99
Posts 318
Kansas


16 posted 11-13-2000 08:40 PM       View Profile for Ryan   Email Ryan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Ryan

Die?  Ha, you can't get rid of me that easily.  This poem is so bad that I won't be going anywhere until I personally see it burned to cinders in a tire fire.  See, I rhymed.  That's a better poem than your random mess of crap up above.  So you can take that and shove it down your throat (and into your intestines and then I'll eat them for breakfast tomorrow).

Ryan


I like too many things and get all confused and hung-up running from one falling star to another till i drop. This is the night, what it does to you. I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion.
—Jack Kerouac

Masked Intruder
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Near golden sunsets


17 posted 11-13-2000 08:51 PM       View Profile for Masked Intruder   Email Masked Intruder   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Masked Intruder

The way you're carrying on, Ryan, I don't think I want to do it the easy way.  I figure I'll come up with some great way to make you die slowly.  Very slowly! Then I'll feed you to my dog, and she'll be very happy about that, 'cuz she so enjoys eating PIG meat!
jwesley
Member Ascendant
since 04-30-2000
Posts 6413
Texas . . .


18 posted 11-13-2000 08:57 PM       View Profile for jwesley   Email jwesley   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for jwesley

Well, beings we've sorta lost our "everythings beautiul…and everyone thinks so…not matter what, in this piece" I'll say this.  Ryan has a right to his opinion as much as anyone else does.  He said his piece and did it with out the *bleeping* that other's needed. So whose manner's are showing?? I think the lack of manner's is the offensive manner in which You responded.  You could have just ignored it and gone on.

In truth I think your piece was well done.  I didn't find it boring at all, but I did have some confusion in the transition between the 5 days, then 5 months, then 5 weeks, then 4 days, then 6 days.  Is this order correct?

By the way, did either you or Ryan read Balladeer's note to everyone??

Just in case here it is:

"

                     As everyone here knows, we have many Forums here at Passions, each with specific interests in mind. The
                     Open Forum, for example, is the forum which includes a wide variety of all types of poetry. It is the forum
                     that most poets use and it is the forum that most guests visit. It is considered a "family" forum in the regard
                     that any member of a family can feel comfortable reading the poetry posted in the Open Forum. Parents can
                     know that there will not be poems with profanity, glorification of suicide or substance abuses, and overtly
                     sexual references because there are indeed many underage visitors to the site.
                        Our members have always adhered to these rules but, lately, there has been an increase in how much our
                     "love" poetry is pushing the limits of good taste and sexual imagery. We do have certain rules which were
                     explained as you applied for membership in an e-mail and, if anyone needs a refresher on them I, or any
                     other moderator will be happy to go over them with you. We would ask that you please govern yourselves
                     and, as a quick rule of thumb when you post something, imagine that a twelve year old minor is reading it
                     and ask yourself if it would be acceptable for them to read.
                         Is this a form of censorship? Of course! It's a private site and Mr. Ron Carnell should not suffer the
                     embarrasement of receiving angry letters from parents over the contents of his site.
                         I am locking this thread against replies. I don't want this turned into a discussion thread. If any poets
                     want to carry this into a discussion I suggest the Feelings or the Alley Forums. Moderators, please unlock
                     this occasionally and keep it current so as many members as possible can see it.

                           I only ask that you police yourselves according to your standards of good taste. I will attempt to do the
                     same since I have been as guilty as anyone else  (by Balladeer)"
                          


jwesley



[This message has been edited by jwesley (edited 11-13-2000).]
Ryan
Member
since 06-10-99
Posts 318
Kansas


19 posted 11-13-2000 09:06 PM       View Profile for Ryan   Email Ryan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Ryan

I have a dog
and she is not a hog
and she does not like hog
meat because she is a dog.

That is a poem.  Your's is not a poem.  Your's reads like some piece of overdramatic prosaic rhymy-pimey piece of crap that Byron would have written.  Get with the times and stop writing such pure crap.  You're responses are more poetic than your journal entry.  And I sure hope your dog likes intestines.

Ryan


I like too many things and get all confused and hung-up running from one falling star to another till i drop. This is the night, what it does to you. I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion.
—Jack Kerouac

Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 05-20-99
Posts 24426
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA


20 posted 11-13-2000 09:22 PM       View Profile for Nan   Email Nan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nan's Home Page   View IP for Nan

If you two don't cut it out, I'm gonna banish all raccoons and green polar bears to live in Kansas for the duration of their days... which are seriously numbered.... cause I happen to have connections there... and all of these raccoons and polar bears will have to live in the same forest... together... and live happily ever after writing children's fairy tales.....

BIG SMOOOOOOOOCHES to both of you... you silly schmucks...
Masked Intruder
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Near golden sunsets


21 posted 11-13-2000 09:23 PM       View Profile for Masked Intruder   Email Masked Intruder   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Masked Intruder

Ryan-
Well, thankyou for a compliment amid all that bologna that you spewed forth.  I truly am honored that you are comparing me to Byron.  You should read some of his stuff more often.  It is much more interesting than that Kerouac crap you like to read and quote!  

Dangit, Nan!  Stop giving away our fun like that! *Grins*

[This message has been edited by Masked Intruder (edited 11-13-2000).]
Ryan
Member
since 06-10-99
Posts 318
Kansas


22 posted 11-13-2000 09:26 PM       View Profile for Ryan   Email Ryan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Ryan

Psha.  Byron was almost as bad as that Shakespeare stuff they made us read.  I mean, that was awful.  And your poem is worse.  Kerouac would stomp your poem to the ground anyday.  So yeah, go back to your little journal entries and post here again when you can write something that doesn't make people want to eat their intestines for dinner.

Ryan


I like too many things and get all confused and hung-up running from one falling star to another till i drop. This is the night, what it does to you. I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion.
—Jack Kerouac

Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 06-15-99
Posts 7276
Mobile, AL


23 posted 11-13-2000 09:34 PM       View Profile for Temptress   Email Temptress   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Temptress

Masked Intruder:
Nice poetry ya have here! Did I ever tell ya I'm a permanent fan of your work, ALTHOUGH, I don't get to see it enough these days? *pouts*  

Ohh..and you and Ryan settle down before I put you both in the corner or make you sit on the couch with your arm around each other!!    

*Jenn*


My name isn't Baby, and I don't want to cyber.
Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 05-20-99
Posts 24426
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA


24 posted 11-13-2000 09:34 PM       View Profile for Nan   Email Nan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nan's Home Page   View IP for Nan

... and Ryan.. Shakesbeer... He's da man...
You'll have to be reading his complete works while you're exiled...
 
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