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Ditherly Lines
| Open Poetry #10 |
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Ditherly Lines |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart 
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Ditherly Lines he said it was just a line that really drew him in that lent self from my pen a slender line to win a glance perchance it did his Id he said it was just a word that really caught his eye for he saw the truth, no lie there upon the by and bye a peek to seek to find his mind he did not know I wrote for him a message wound so tight there throughout the night to be found in spider’s lace at light a being entangled in words that jangle but he doesn’t know that I know that he looks right ... here for the truth comes out just so when he doesn’t look with fear a line too taut for one just caught so I let him be. Karilea If I whisper, will you listen?... I would rather be silent and write, than speak loudly and be bound. KRJ |
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| © Copyright 2000 Karilea Rilling Jungel - All Rights Reserved | |||
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wayoutwalt Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870TEXAS (it's all big) |
hehe when my wife, when we were dating, showed me her poem she had just written and i critiqued it as bad meter oman like i know the differance... but anyway her poem is gonna be in the book..so lil shows that i know...i likes this it reminds me of the tale i just told yuh p.s. the poem i found out was written for me and i critiqued it ooooooooo |
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dragonpoe Senior Member
since 2000-11-12
Posts 608Palm Bay, Florida |
This is a fun read. The rhyme scheme you have here gives this a very cool rhythm that just bounces off the tongue. I like the message of it to, and the ending. Enjoyed it. |
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Wilfred Yeats Member Elite
since 2000-08-04
Posts 2704Wilmington, Delaware |
you are so much fun to read - and your schemes can be such a pleasant surprise |
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Celeste Senior Member
since 2000-11-11
Posts 597 |
"spiders lace at light" LOVED THAT! Wonderful flow. You have such an individual refreshing writing style! I truly enjoyed! To capture and live a moment is truly living |
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Marsha
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423Maidstone Kent England |
Kari, this is WONDERFUL, such a great poem, I really love this one, it's so you. Well written, presented beautifully, and it's just WONDERFUL. Love it Kari I really do. Take care  Majestic Marsha Take back the hope you gave,- I claim Only a memory of the same Robert Browning |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
A fantastic offering, my friend... Regards O Karilea, Sudhir |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
For me Sunshine. . . it was the title. . .  Wonderful. . . --------------------------------------------------------- That which gives light must endure burning --Victor Frankl |
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jwesley Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563Spring, Texas |
Me, I just liked it all! jwesley |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
WOW...oops, bad meter...I guess I've just been critiqued...thank you! dragonpoe...yup, it bounces all right...thank you... Mr. Yeats, I'm a fun scheme all right...thanks!... dreamkeeper, I'm just like a bottle of freshly shaken 7up... thank you Marsha...{~,^} Sudhir, so glad to see your responses again...thank you... Sven, you KNOW I enjoy creating the title almost more than anything else...thank you... James, me too! Thank you! Karilea If I whisper, will you listen?... I would rather be silent and write, than speak loudly and be bound. KRJ |
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