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Open Poetry #10
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OLIAS
Senior Member
since 2000-06-20
Posts 1090
Pearl city Iowa

0 posted 2000-11-10 10:56 PM


Sentry ( return to goose green )

We stumbled giddy down the frigid hill,
Gagging over drizzled grass and stone,
Behind the murderous winter slag of sky,
Ahead the ragged barn,
A garment for our nudity,
We rushed into its tattered folds,
In exposures desperation,
Threw caution to the sniperous wind.
And fear reached down my throat,
At what we found within,
No fear in him before us,
Huddled, weapon ready,
Steady gaze at our entrance,
Grin of triumph at our stupidity,
I fumbled without aim...
And fired,
Full in his chest the hit,
Motionless, without remark,
He never blinked an eye,
So fear gouged my open mouth,
Until the revelation,
A frozen mockery of man,
Absent without leave from that tired carcass,
Beyond bullets or nature now,
But duty bound by rigor,
So fear released our tears, unashamed,
And we blessed our luck,
And blessed the weather.

Olias



© Copyright 2000 Mick Yates - All Rights Reserved
wayoutwalt
Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870
TEXAS (it's all big)
1 posted 2000-11-10 10:59 PM


i need to read others replies i know i lie this and the lines i understand i just need help so ill be checkin back in yuh
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

2 posted 2000-11-10 11:21 PM


Olias..these are powerful images of war and
all the things a soldier must accept in this time...
all the emotions that come with duty and honor.
thought provoking piece of work ...  
very well written.
so nice to see your name back with us.
take care poet sir
jm

Butterflies_dont_cry
Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733
Michigan
3 posted 2000-11-10 11:36 PM


Through your weave you brought me here...to
the pain and the emotion of the moment, all
the conflicting feelings and tragedy and
honor...Excellent writing!!

OLIAS
Senior Member
since 2000-06-20
Posts 1090
Pearl city Iowa
4 posted 2000-11-11 12:06 PM


Wayoutwalt Thanks for reading this piece. I'm not really happy with the clarity myself.

J.M. Hi there! Thank you for your kind comments, its not easy to do this subject justice and I sometimes wonder if it should be left to people who have been there.

Butterflies I'm glad that you got something from this, im quite happy with it, but it needs a few re-writes I think. Thank you.

Regards to all

Olias

Paula Finn
Member Ascendant
since 2000-06-17
Posts 5546
missouri
5 posted 2000-11-11 12:15 PM


Olias...I think you depicted the fear and desperation remarkably well...that surprise of unexpected face to face confrontation...the sickness/joy of being the one to survive the encounter...dont doubt the power of your words...
Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
6 posted 2000-11-11 12:25 PM


Olias~

Poignant and powerfully emotional write.
And it would have to be even more poignant
to those who have been there.

'So fear released our tears, unashamed'

Tragedies of war that are too often replayed for many years.
I think you expressed the feelings well.

I'm glad you shared this.
~*Marge*~


~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

OLIAS
Senior Member
since 2000-06-20
Posts 1090
Pearl city Iowa
7 posted 2000-11-12 05:52 PM


Paula. Thanks for commenting on my poem and what I was trying to convey. Your kind words make me smile.


Marge Hi, Its hard to express feelings that I can only imagine, perhaps fiction is possibly the hardest genre to be true to. Thanks for your kind reply.

Regards to you both

Olias.

Dr.Moose1
Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448
Bewilderment , USA
8 posted 2000-11-12 07:19 PM


Olias,
A war I have never seen , an enemy I have never met , and yet your words have me staring him in the face . Frozen , for that instant . A powerful write .
Doc

dragonpoe
Senior Member
since 2000-11-12
Posts 608
Palm Bay, Florida
9 posted 2000-11-12 07:23 PM


Wow, great imagery and superb writing.

Irish Rose
Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263

10 posted 2000-11-12 07:26 PM


This is indepth, needs to be read more than once, I enjoyed it, made me feel.

"When red-haired girls scamper like roses
over the rain-green grass,
and the sun drips honey.""
Laurie Lee

Kathleen



Poeminister
Senior Member
since 2000-02-26
Posts 1862
Regina SK; Canada
11 posted 2000-11-12 09:17 PM


Your lines are sharp and strongly felt. Nicely written.

take care
-Poeminister

"...no single sound too rude
Upon thy slumber shall intrude,
Our thoughts, our souls- O God above!
In every deed shall mingle, love."
--Ed

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