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Open Poetry #10
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Violin Villanelle (or Old Man Weeping in the Rain)
| Open Poetry #10 |
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Violin Villanelle (or Old Man Weeping in the Rain) |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven 
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In the cold November rain Beneath a gray woolen chin I can hear the tears of pain With the cry of each refrain Come the sounds of might have been In the cold November rain Inside each sad new strain from this mourning violin I can hear the tears of pain His strings have become the chain That holds his sorrow within In the cold November rain To this day mine too remain Even now to my chagrin I can hear the tears of pain They are driving me insane Having soaked into my skin In the cold November rain I can hear the tears of pain Jamie Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil. "Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely". |
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| © Copyright 2000 Jamie Patterson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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SpitFire Member Elite
since 2000-04-19
Posts 2396 |
~It's November and it's raining here,...a chilling windy rain,...that just electrified this read. What an added treat, to feel this one so real, although sad. Thank you. *Peace. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
the lonesome soulful tune of the violin comes through very well.... Karilea If I whisper, will you listen?... I would rather be silent and write, then speak loudly and be bound. KRJ |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Great writing, Jamie! Denise |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Prometheus~ This is so real - I can hear it ! Soulfully done. ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Jamie, this is sadly-beautiful my friend, loved the way your poem read, it was quite smooth, especially loved these lines....... inside each sad new strain from this mourning violin I can hear the tears of pain Beautiful! *hugs* Maree "If my words could blanket the skies and fill every corner and crevice of this earth, still this won't be enough" "Maree Russo" |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Jamie--What a well done sad song...I have seen it before on the streets of L.A., but not heard it played quite like this. |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Still not too hot on Villanelles Jamie - But I do have to admit you pulled this one off nicely - and the lines: I can hear the tears of pain - ROCKS! C |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Ah yes.. I see why I was encouraged to "make" you join the workshop this month..  |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
Spitfire- What an appropriate setting.. we got our first rain in over a month yesterday..... Sunshine- thanks for listening. DS- Thanks for the compliment Marge- Glad you could Sis Maree- Coming from the Queen of smooth that means a lot Martie- I am happy you enjoyed it Christopher- Maybe one day you will more appreciate the structured forms  Nan- And who was the encourager might I ask...?lol Jamie Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil. "Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely". |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Wonderful poem! There is such a sad Autumnal feel to this. Usually I find form poetry has less feeling, but you changed my opinion with this, Jamie. Well done!!! |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
Sharon-- perhaps with Nan's help we can convert you and Christopher...lol And.. thanks for liking it your grace Jamie Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil. "Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely". |
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Paula Finn Member Ascendant
since 2000-06-17
Posts 5546missouri |
Jamie...this was haunting...the melody just plays over and over in my mind |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
"come the sounds of might have been" perfect. And violins...sad and mournful...full of longing. Again, just perfect. |
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Tanga Junior Member
since 2000-07-02
Posts 39BC Canada |
I shiver and shake as the cold cold strains of sorrow seep thru my skin and seeds my soul. The tears trickle down my cheek as I dance in the dungeon of the sounds of silent sorrows. What might have been is now a new way of being. Hugs <**> |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
Paula- I am happy to share the over and over with ya...lol serenity- gee--Perfect? ya really think so?...  heheTanga: Never let it be said that you are overly dramatic.....rofl--- thanks for replying. Jamie Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil. "Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely". |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Gulp...er...villanelles... But how I feel that emotion J... this is a whisper of hurt...thanks for pointing it my way my friend. friglog! KThe wind shifts like this: Like a human without illusions... This is how the wind shifts: Like a human, heavy and heavy, Who does not care. W.S |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
How nice to see your name on a reply once again K. Thanks (i think) Jamie Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil. "Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely". |
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