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Open Poetry #10
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Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989


0 posted 2000-10-22 07:27 PM


     She sits and stares at the river,
     it rushes by like the
     memories of her life.
     The waters flow
     continually moving
     and changing,
     swirling.
     Sometimes the waters
     race along in
     torrid rapids,
     and flow
     into calm seas.
     The waters
     ever changing
     just like the rivers
     of her life,
     moving on,
     slowing,
     lingering,
     and once again
     racing along.
     Each new current
     gives strength
     as it flows
     into the rivers......
     of life.



On the wings of words our spirits fly, and our souls are free.


© Copyright 2000 dmsmith - All Rights Reserved
Professor Gloom
Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082
of Depression
1 posted 2000-10-22 07:37 PM


I find your phrasing a bit off,
Such as the first of your poem,
Slightly rewritten

She sit and stares
At the river
It rushes by like
The memories
Of her life


Just an observation, and slight movement of the words,
They are the same wonderful words you wrote,
But I think it flows a touch better.
Although I don’t mind a few rocks in my rivers,
And you can ignore my words if they don’t please you.
Enjoyed the read.

Gloom

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989

2 posted 2000-10-22 07:46 PM


Ah Gloom, I have always appreciated your in-sight, and yes that does flow very smoothly.
Thank you. *s*

Sven
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA
3 posted 2000-10-23 07:43 PM


GS, this one just flows into my mind. . .

Wonderful. . .

----------------------------------------------------------

That which gives light must endure burning
--Victor Frankl


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