navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #10 » breathing
Open Poetry #10
Post A Reply Post New Topic breathing Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
azure
Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 52


0 posted 2000-10-16 11:06 PM


beneath the surface
of our drunken poetry readings
we found one thing to cling to
      screaming Hamlet through the screen door
      falling from the rooftops
a sudden flame, hardly extinguishable and still
unusual for that time of year

our dark plain of consciousness
our meditation of
all-night-long beers on the sofa
blue light of the television flickering
on your strange face,
neither of us would sleep the night

time beat on silent, impossible wings -
we wrapped ourselves in them, defiantly
      insisted immortality, danced in pale
      moonbeams wept under blossoms

"what were we thinking, what were we drinking?"
you'd say heavily the next morning
then laugh

but in the corner of your bedroom shelf, i found
i knew you before you knew yourself



[This message has been edited by azure (edited 10-17-2000).]

© Copyright 2000 azure - All Rights Reserved
Mark Bohannan
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269
In the winds of Cherokee song
1 posted 2000-10-16 11:09 PM


Welcome to Passions and my hearty congrats on such a wonderful first piece from you.  Hope to see many more of your fine works.
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

2 posted 2000-10-16 11:23 PM


And a welcome to Passions from me also...this is written like ya know me...touched me deeply...thank you.
ThUnDeRkYsS
Senior Member
since 1999-09-23
Posts 727
Wisconsin
3 posted 2000-10-17 02:40 AM


So depicting and visual, with a good use of imagery... and a sad twist is found as read over and over.  I like    Great work, I already think I know which part of your life this is from... definately know that entangled feeling of knowing it is wrong but trying to convince yourself of something else all too well, babe.  Glad to see you got here safely and figured it all out    
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

4 posted 2000-10-17 03:20 AM


beneath the surface
of your drunken poetry readings
we found one thing to cling to
      screaming Hamlet through the screen door
      falling from the rooftops
a sudden flame, hardly extinguishable and still
unusual for that time of year
======================
wow.... very cool.. very deep ...
excellent writing ...
WELCOME to Passions azure ...
you make a poetic entrance.
I look forward to more
take care
jm

Daniel J D
Senior Member
since 2000-10-01
Posts 1471
Hillcrest, Queensland, Australia
5 posted 2000-10-17 03:56 AM


Congratulations on a superb entry to Passions. I look forward to much more. Cheers

Respond to my call and let the waves of my heart fill your life with the wonders of love
(Daniel J D)

The Lonely Stranger
Member
since 1999-06-18
Posts 361
Upstate, NY, USA
6 posted 2000-10-17 10:49 AM


Let me jump into the fray and add my welcome to passions. You are among friends.
ma miller
Senior Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 806

7 posted 2000-10-17 10:52 AM


welcome to Passions ... a very unique pattern and rhythm in this piece ... looking for more
Corazon
Senior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 1209

8 posted 2000-10-17 11:05 AM


wow, this is good....welcome  
you have talent, will look for more from you  

Irish Rose
Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263

9 posted 2000-10-17 01:01 PM


Welcome to Passions.  This is a refreshing read, and I enjoyed it!  Look forward to more.

Kathleen



JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
10 posted 2000-10-17 02:49 PM


"but in the corner of your bedroom shelf
I found I knew yuo before you knew yourself."
A very touching poem...James

Local Rebel
Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767
Southern Abstentia
11 posted 2000-10-17 04:00 PM


Stunning!

I don't think I've ever seen such a professionally penned verse on a first post @ passions...

welcome poet

Marsha
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423
Maidstone Kent England
12 posted 2000-10-17 04:46 PM


Azure, sorry I'm behind the fair as usual, only I didn't see this last night, when i was scanning before I went to bed. Still anyway I've found you now and this is a great poem. So well written, and I really like this. Oh and I know I'm late but welcome to Passions, you'll be perfectly at home.
Take care  
                      Marsha
          

azure
Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 52

13 posted 2000-10-17 05:11 PM


Just a thank-you to everyone for your support - I'm so glad to have found this place! What a wonderful group of talented poets!

Azure
"I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much" - Sandra Cisneros

Beki
Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1569
Newport Beach, CA, USA
14 posted 2000-10-18 03:18 AM


Bravo! Thi spoem is filled with fresh imagery and a certain honesty I admire....the last two lines are killer! Again I say Bravo!
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
15 posted 2000-10-18 10:35 AM


Azure, a Hearty Welcome to Passions!  Check your e-mail for a special message!

Karilea
If I whisper, will you listen?...KRJ



Corinne
Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167
state of confusion
16 posted 2000-10-18 10:49 AM


An aching piece with a touch of humor, too.

Welcome to Passions!

Corinne

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
17 posted 2000-10-19 07:32 PM


oh azure!!! You have reminded me of my college days here...thank you!
Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #10 » breathing

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary