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Open Poetry #10
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wayoutwalt
Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870
TEXAS (it's all big)

0 posted 2000-10-16 12:08 PM


I’m afraid of eyes on me
The paintings on the wall
Hollow eyes that cannot see
They always on me befall

Running I scream from show room
And more eyes on me remain
Judging eyes show they presume
That madman, oh poor, insane

I mull through the anthill streets
No more eyes on me at last
Tilted heads and shuffling feet
But the pace is always fast

Trampled by the feet of eyes
Hurried is their droning stride
For, they too, I realize
Fear my eyes now staring wide






[This message has been edited by wayoutwalt (edited 10-16-2000).]

© Copyright 2000 Walt Burns - All Rights Reserved
Corazon
Senior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 1209

1 posted 2000-10-16 12:42 PM


wow this is different for you, and good...and yes you hit it perfect, "eyes" can say so much....some times too much to take....this is powerful walt, i like much  
ma miller
Senior Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 806

2 posted 2000-10-16 01:15 PM


another in a line of very interesting pieces, Walt ... i like this one
Effigy
Member
since 2000-04-11
Posts 486
disbelief
3 posted 2000-10-16 01:17 PM


Very well done. I enjoyed this one.  
Victoria
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Ascendant
since 2000-08-12
Posts 5869

4 posted 2000-10-16 01:33 PM


"Hollow eyes that cannot see"

I like that line..

Some eyes only see what they want to see..
blinded by so many things in life..as insecurites..good one Walt..

                      ~Victoria~


A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
- Paul Valery (1871-1945)

wayoutwalt
Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870
TEXAS (it's all big)
5 posted 2000-10-16 03:01 PM


thank you guys
for the kind replies yuh

Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada
6 posted 2000-10-16 09:00 PM


I really enjoyed this Walt! Wonderful rhythm and perfect rhyme scheme in this. It reminded me of a painting my parents had years ago called "The Laughing Cavalier" ... that was the spookiest painting, it didn't matter where you walked ... it's eyes followed you everywhere (felt like I was stalked for about 10 years, lol).  Great poem!  

Best wishes,
/Kit

wayoutwalt
Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870
TEXAS (it's all big)
7 posted 2000-10-16 11:53 PM


thanx kit woo woo woo i apreciate it
Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

8 posted 2000-10-17 01:43 AM


oooooh I love this Walty, very well done buddy, and I especially loved the last stanza ....

Trampled by the feet of eyes
Hurried is their droning stride
For, they too, I realize
Fear my eyes now staring wide

Wonderful Yuh!  hehe


"If my words could blanket the skies
and fill every corner and crevice of
this earth, still this won't be enough"
"Maree Russo"

The Jackal
Member
since 1999-08-13
Posts 426
Springfield, Massachusetts U.S.A
9 posted 2000-10-17 01:47 AM


brillant wording,nice format

no longer afraid of the dark or midday shadows nothing so ridiculously teenage and desperate

Andrew Scott
Member Elite
since 1999-06-24
Posts 2558
Redlands,CA,USA
10 posted 2000-10-17 03:58 PM


Hey Wayout,

Have you ever read any Harlan Ellison?  Something called "I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream."  It's a story concerning several human captives, held by a giant machine in space.  The end result is the machine kills off everybody except one person, because the machine doesn't want to be left alone… yet the machine doesn't want to listen to the constant rant of this individual, so it removes the person's ability for speech.  If you can't tell, your work here reminded me of this story.  

wayoutwalt
Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870
TEXAS (it's all big)
11 posted 2000-10-17 09:25 PM


DA TJ and AS TY!!!

o and no mister scott i read a lil english yuh   thanx for seein somethin in it !!

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