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Passions in Poetry

Let's Make a Deal....

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Balladeer
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since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


0 posted 10-14-2000 08:28 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer


I hear his voice

WILL YOU TRADE FOR
WHAT IS BEHIND DOOR #3?

and Monty Hall is pointing
at the small package in my hand
and smiling
at the emerald door
almost transparent
I can see outlines
people
hear laughter...happy voices
yet confusion
helter skelter
silver rings and bracelets
beckoning....entreating me
a face with sad eyes
watching me
and I want to trade
I WANT TO TRADE!!!!
but I'm afraid
and the package
rests lightly in my hands
depending on me
counting on me
BUT I WANT TO TRADE!!!!
i scream silently
to the ghost form
dancing and spinning away
waving to me
disappearing into a white
billowy cloud
high above the earth.
COME BACK! i scream
I LOVE YOU!!!
but the audience is waiting
for an answer.

WILL YOU TRADE FOR DOOR #3?

and i scream out "I need more time!!!"
but i only have three notes
to name that tune
and the melody isn't coming
and Thor is inside my head
hammer pounding unmercifully
at my temples
his father laughing at me
and the planetarium
down the street
is calling the police
because one of the planets is missing
and Ralph Edwards is saying
"Michael, THIS is your LIFE!!!"
but i'm crying because
the pages are all blank
and the audience is laughing
and Regis is yelling at me
IS THAT YOUR FINAL  ANSWER???
Oh, God!!!! if you're out there
help me
but You're not
heaven doesn't open doors
to sinners like me
and the only friend i can phone
is out of town and
i don't have her number.

WILL YOU TRADE FOR DOOR #3???

and door #3 is becoming
more solid
i cannot see through
and i'm screaming
WAIT! WAIT!
you're always in such a rush, girl!!!
but there's a deadbolt there and
I hear motors revving up
i'm screaming, pleading, begging!!!!
but the package is in my hands
and if i drop it
to open the door....it will shatter
and i'm lost in the sound of silence
from behind the door
and it's lost
i'm lost
begging forgiveness
for what i am not
as pink walls close in on me
and i fall
counting crows in my head
still clutching the package
i cannot let fall.

Forgive me, door #3
Forgive me,  my friend.
i am SO sorry.......
© Copyright 2000 Michael Mack - All Rights Reserved
inot2B
Member Elite
since 09-18-2000
Posts 2272
Alabama


1 posted 10-14-2000 09:04 PM       View Profile for inot2B   Email inot2B   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for inot2B

Balladeer, are you all right?
Have you been drinking tonight?

Seriously, for every door that
closes another one will open.
Behind that door will be someone
for a poet such as you.

P.S. Stop watching game shows
doreen peri
Member Rara Avis
since 05-25-99
Posts 8028
Virginia


2 posted 10-14-2000 09:18 PM       View Profile for doreen peri   Email doreen peri   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for doreen peri

this is awesome poetry... good god...you write free verse just as powerfully as you write rhyming ballads... this is no game show... nope... this is just damn good poetry, Michael .... excellent verse and the metaphors, the set, the scene... the imagery and references... are superior writing

but I would expect no less from you, y'know  

thanks for posting this... it's

an awesome piece of poetry!

Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 04-30-2000
Posts 16920
Ontario, Canada


3 posted 10-14-2000 09:22 PM       View Profile for Kit McCallum   Email Kit McCallum   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kit McCallum

Wow ... talk about building up anticipation and anxiety! This was a wonderful read, you had me hooked from start to finish.  I feel like I've been living this Game Show nightmare myself Michael ... Lord, it's a tough game for sure ... take care.  

Best wishes,
/Kit
Nan
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Member Seraphic
since 05-20-99
Posts 24426
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA


4 posted 10-14-2000 09:47 PM       View Profile for Nan   Email Nan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nan's Home Page   View IP for Nan

Well, Deer... To Tell the Truth, You Asked For It...

Will the REAL Deer please stand up??... Awesome work, my deer friend..
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


5 posted 10-14-2000 09:54 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

its ok baby... ya know why??
cause I made sure on every one of the game shows ... the consolation prize was a life time supply of Spam  
you cant lose .*smile*
and may I ditto Doreens reply ...
rhyme or not...you rule ...
later-game-show-gator
jm
Jhonbus
Junior Member
since 10-12-2000
Posts 25
Sheffield UK


6 posted 10-14-2000 10:06 PM       View Profile for Jhonbus   Email Jhonbus   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Jhonbus

wow! I was reading that like a roller-coaster! Once I started, it didn't let up until the very end, but with a short pause maybe for:

"Michael, THIS is your LIFE!!!"
but i'm crying because
the pages are all blank
and the audience is laughing

Where I gasped a breath before reading to the end!
Poetry like a fairground ride? Masterful!
Sunnyone
Member Ascendant
since 07-06-2000
Posts 5483
Staffordshire, England


7 posted 10-14-2000 10:36 PM       View Profile for Sunnyone   Email Sunnyone   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunnyone's Home Page   View IP for Sunnyone

I would like to know what was behind Door #1 and 2?!!!!!
Seriously, this was great, full of humor, and a few serious thoughts, too!!!
        Great writing, 'deer' friend!!!


Follow your dream!

WhtDove
Member Rara Avis
since 07-22-99
Posts 9561
Illinois


8 posted 10-14-2000 11:29 PM       View Profile for WhtDove   Email WhtDove   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit WhtDove's Home Page   View IP for WhtDove

Damn you lost my number again?

Free verse, and it's done so well! Deer this is excellent! The frantic working of the mind is vividly portrayed here. It's wrenching. This is out of your ordinary, but you're OH so good at it!

heheh sounds like a high fever nightmare though. LOL

<*\\\><

I know not what the future holds,
but I know Who holds the future.
juliet_2u
Senior Member
since 07-23-2000
Posts 1132
North Carolina


9 posted 10-14-2000 11:39 PM       View Profile for juliet_2u   Email juliet_2u   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for juliet_2u

Wow Deer, I'm totally exhausted now...lol. Man that was intense. You took me right in there with ya and I was wanting you to take the damn door. I was behind ya cheering. Did you hear me????...Seriously great stuff Deer.
Hugs from a now very mentally drained friend,
Juls
Wilfred Yeats
Member Elite
since 08-04-2000
Posts 2916
Wilmington, Delaware


10 posted 10-15-2000 12:11 AM       View Profile for Wilfred Yeats   Email Wilfred Yeats   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Wilfred Yeats's Home Page   View IP for Wilfred Yeats

Awesome!


~You have to have a dream so you can get up in the morning.

                ~ Billy Wilder


[This message has been edited by Wilfred Yeats (edited 10-15-2000).]
Irish Rose
Member Patricius
since 04-06-2000
Posts 10553


11 posted 10-15-2000 12:47 AM       View Profile for Irish Rose   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Irish Rose


Good to see you back here, you know if you have the right "Password" the door will come open...easily.  Loved this, what a nice change.


Kathleen


Kethry
Member Rara Avis
since 07-29-2000
Posts 9235
Victoria Australia


12 posted 10-15-2000 06:19 AM       View Profile for Kethry   Email Kethry   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kethry

'Deer

WOW


A ROLLER COASTER RIDE


WOW


Keth  


Growth demands a temporary surrender of security.
Gail Sheehy
Aimster
Member Elite
since 02-19-2000
Posts 4367
Charlotte, NC


13 posted 10-15-2000 09:56 AM       View Profile for Aimster   Email Aimster   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Aimster

Michael~
and one again you surprise me NOT...i've come to expect no less than awesome poetry from you. this is wonderful writing m'friend. i found myself reading each line faster than the one before...in anticpation as to what would happen. interesting spin at the end. loved it!
take care.
amy  

"The head learns knew things, but the heart forever more practices old experiences"

Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


14 posted 10-15-2000 12:37 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Awesome writing, indeed! Very well done!

Denise
Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 11-08-1999
Posts 9405
Pennsylvania


15 posted 10-15-2000 03:18 PM       View Profile for Elizabeth Santos   Email Elizabeth Santos   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Elizabeth Santos

I never in a million years believed that rhyme would slip so easily out of your hands. But in doing so you have proved how how great your talents are (as if we didn't know).
This is superb writing, and quite a surprizing treat from the master of meter.
Oh, how I wish I could write free verse!
This poem had me totally captivated throughout, and the images are outstanding!
Now I bow to you, my friend for such a fantastic verse. Heights that I can never reach
Applauding
Liz
Balladeer
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Member Empyrean
since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


16 posted 10-15-2000 08:10 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

inot2B...LOL! Thanks for your concern. No, no drinking...maybe too many onions before bed   Stop watching game shows? That would put my sanity in Jeopardy!!!!  

Doreen...from a writer that I can not get enough of, this is very special to me. I thank you...

Kit...TO TELL THE TRUTH, life is not always a WHEEL OF FORTUNE, is it?? Thanks, Kit  

Nan....the real deer? Been extinct for years, I'm afraid...

Janet Marie...I've watched every game show looking for Spam as a prize and no deal...they got no class at all!  

Jhonbus...welcome to Passions and thank you for the very kind words. I was hoping for that effect...

Sunny1...we'll never know, I guess   So many doors, so few keys...thank you  

Dovey...I'm good at frantic and wrenching? LOL! You may be right at that! Glad you approve  

juliet_2U...comments like yours make it all worthwhile. (if you were back there, why didn't you give me a little shove?   )

Wilfred...that's a big word and it means a lot to me...I thank you, sir.

Rose...passwords have always been a problem with me..and so have locks. Maybe I'll stick with windows...

Kethry...LOL! Thank you! Yes, it was..thinking it and writing it. I'm thrilled that you are here to enjoy it  

Amy...thank you VERY much, nice person. It's a bit out of my realm and I'm glad it pulled you....

Denise...you KNOW how I value any comment of yours. Thanks, friend  

Liz...your comments warm my heart. Yes, rhyme and meter are my first love but when I see how powerful good free verse writers like Local Rebel, Martie, xangel and Doreen can make a poem virtually come alive with feeling in their styles, it makes me want to try it occasionally. I'm glad you approve. As far a heights you cannot attain...who you trying to kid???   You can do anything you set your mind to!!!! You're awesome!
suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 07-29-99
Posts 20770
on the threshold of a dream


17 posted 10-16-2000 11:36 AM       View Profile for suthern   Email suthern   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for suthern

Superb!!! (Even if it did require a lot of Concentration for this blonde. *G*)
Corazon
Senior Member
since 02-02-2000
Posts 1301


18 posted 10-16-2000 12:51 PM       View Profile for Corazon   Email Corazon   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Corazon

no concentration required here (course I am not blonde *g* *ducking sutherns bat*)
no really, this read like it poured from *my* heart ...really great poem....*sighs and hugs*
Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 11-06-1999
Posts 43042
Florida's Foreverly Shores


19 posted 10-16-2000 02:25 PM       View Profile for Marge Tindal   Email Marge Tindal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marge Tindal's Home Page   View IP for Marge Tindal

Balladeer~

WOW !
Your talented muse's job is NOT in Jeopardy !

An awesome piece !
So very well done, my friend.
I like you, you free-versing person !
~*Marge*~


~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com
PeterPeter
Junior Member
since 04-11-2000
Posts 30
British, London


20 posted 10-16-2000 02:35 PM       View Profile for PeterPeter   Email PeterPeter   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for PeterPeter

Well I was not sure what the ending would bring, quite an Intriguing read.

You know what they say my friend?
As one door shuts another slams in your face.
Guess door #3 had a bad day.

Write on, I like your style.

Best Regards
Peter
Gemini
Senior Member
since 12-15-1999
Posts 1223
Wisconsin, USA


21 posted 10-16-2000 02:36 PM       View Profile for Gemini   Email Gemini   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Gemini

Outstanding and phenominal also come to mind.  Very beautiful piece.
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


22 posted 10-16-2000 03:04 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

I feel you will for ever continue to amaze me with your passionately penned side...I hear the anguish...and can feel the heart break...

and I still want to say, "job well done, Micheal, and your Father is proud..." and you will know exactly what this means...
Effigy
Member
since 04-11-2000
Posts 490
Just sitting at the computer


23 posted 10-16-2000 03:16 PM       View Profile for Effigy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Effigy

I can't even discribe
to feeling this read
just put into me.  My
heart pulses with speeding
antisipated blood.
This was best great.
One of the best that I
have read in a long while.
Corinne
Member Ascendant
since 10-28-1999
Posts 5247
state of confusion


24 posted 10-16-2000 03:20 PM       View Profile for Corinne   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Corinne

This sounds like a dream that requires analysis, my fruend, sitzen heir upon ze couch, ja?

Yes, like the others have commented, a real roller coaster ride of anxiety and indecision!

Well done!

Corinne
 
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