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Open Poetry #10
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The Offerings.......
| Open Poetry #10 |
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The Offerings....... |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA 
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He offered her some cotton candy, Ice cream on a stick, A bright balloon of emerald green, A snow cone she could lick. He promised her a carnival A roller coaster ride A three ring circus just for her If she would be his bride. She bit into the cotton candy, Could not get enough, Looked hard to find some substance but Found nothing there but fluff. So then she took the sweet ice cream, Gave it a mighty lick But it fell off in mid-day sun Left nothing but the stick. She took balloon of emerald green To find out what was there But it exploded, showing her That it was just hot air. The snow cone she had coveted Did not help very much Instead of pleasure it gave her A small cup filled with slush. She looked up, showing disappointment This had made her feel But he was with a pretty girl Beside the ferris wheel. He offered her some cotton candy, Ice cream on a stick, A bright balloon of emerald green, A snow cone......... |
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| © Copyright 2000 Michael Mack - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
oh man....this is SO YOU!!! what a sweet read... the cadence and rhyme was sweeter than that before mentioned cotton candy... and the wisdom kissed emotions ... well... thats why it is SO YOU ... LOVE this one...muchly later-take-me-to-the-fair-gator  jm |
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Mark Bohannan Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269In the winds of Cherokee song |
Yeppers, Jan is so right when she says this is so YOU. You are making us men sound like dogs....well truth be told, most of us are and I do believe that the women know that now. I only hope that they realize that there are "TWO" good ones left and that would be "YOU" and "I" and yes I have an extra room for you and long as any women you bring over have a single girlfriend and YOU PROMISE NEVER TO WEAR THEM WINGS...LOL |
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Andrew Scott Member Elite
since 1999-06-24
Posts 2558Redlands,CA,USA |
Having dated so many in her life, my wife will be the first one to tell you that she hates clowns. An excellent read Sir Balladeer... I think I'll save this for my daughters to read when they get older and start dating. Peace! [This message has been edited by Andrew Scott (edited 10-12-2000).] |
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Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
I've always been partial to candy apples myself Great work my friend!! |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
sigh...I know this guy...excellent, as always! and that cotton candy? sticky stuff....SIGH |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
You have to watch out for the guys (and gals) who promise you pie in the sky...it usually winds up on your face. Great writing as always, Balladeer! Denise |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Balladeer~ You're on-the-money with this one. Very, very nicely done, my friend. A neat flow to the rhythm. ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
And thus the wisdom I find here... Go with the guy who offers beer! LOL Seriously (sorry, all that cotton candy gave me a sugar rush and my brain cells aren't used to being awake this early *G*)... Great job... as always!!! |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Perfection in the flow Balladeer, the words just drift wonderfully along in tune. I enjoyed the comparisons drawn in this piece ... nicely done!  Best wishes, /Kit |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
I never did like cotton candy or that slushy stuff much... Emeralds are good, though..  You're awesome as usual, Deer.. |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
Great poem, Balladeer I'm ready to pour that slush over his head. But if the emerald were real... Always perfect in form Liz |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Janet Marie...Thank you!! I've been wondering who I was lately! Mark...men may be dogs but we're housebroken! My ex and I would make love like dogs..I would sit up and beg...she would roll over and play dead! Andrew....thank you and tell them the ole Balladeer said to watch out! Butterflies....hmmmmm. I'l have to remember that! Thanks!!! serenity...yep, it can make a real mess. Now caramel apples, well, that's different! Hungry??? Denise...I'm still waiting for someone to promise it!!! Thanks, my friend Marge...thank you for approving of the rhythym method Suthern...the guy who offers beer is the worst!! You watch yourself, hear???? Kit...I love comments on the flow, especially from one who flows so well. Thank you Nancy...beware the man who wants you to get stoned, too Elizabeth...gotta love a woman with a price! Your poetry, however, is priceless and I thank you muchly.... |
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Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
Yea....this sounds like Balladeer alright..."Hey little girl, ya want some candy?".......Yanno?....This nut really has some good stuff.....and it rhymes and all that other important garbage to make a great poem......yea, yassee?, he does this to get all the attention of you sweet ladies...that's all....geesch...I just hate him...... |
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Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
Good evening Balladeer, What a very pleasing poem to read. I did enjoy. Bill |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
remind me not to pass the collection plate.... what a carnival, huh? i love this and, btw, i love you, too,  |
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Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136Mobile, AL |
Ya know? I liked this a lot, dear sir. Nice writing as usual for you. |
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