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The Jackal
Member

since 1999-08-13

Posts 426
Springfield, Massachusetts U.S.A

0 posted 2000-10-09 01:19 AM

why dont you sing to me
my favorite song of sympathy
you know..the one that helps me sleep
a dead man's sleep
this is music to die too

and memories i make
of things we could do
if  i  wa   sn  t  r e ally lo s in g  i t
i th i nk im  re al  ly lo sin g i   t

cant hardly brea the

dont wish to    breat he  the same way
  yo u breathe

i'm on track with being smal/l

i can l oo k back and se.e..

isolation never ate the best of  m>>>e

you d id

  s o  th    an       k you

i  ho p e ive made you full

i hope  i w a s  a good enough f o/ol
somedaysoon youwillturnmywhimper intomusic

   a n d  il l be pr e t ty torment to your ears

as you         w         e re to  m     ine
  all this  r/a/g/g/e/d  r a p i  d w ine  will never fill me up,but it will spill for a thousand lives..because i just cant ge  t

              en ou gh.im so afraid ill never get
       enough

"you can have my isolation..you can have the hate that it brings
you can have my absence of faith..you can have my everything"

"so impressed with

Waverly917
Member

since 2000-09-23

Posts 90
Hugo, MN

1 posted 2000-10-09 04:22 PM

I like the format you used with this one. I t really made the words, especially ragged, come to life.

Abra

Kit McCallum

Administrator

Member Laureate

since 2000-04-30

Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada

2 posted 2000-10-09 04:31 PM

"if  i  wa   sn  t  r e ally lo s in g  i t
i th i nk im  re al  ly lo sin g i   t

cant hardly brea the

dont wish to    breat he  the same way
yo u breathe"

Wow! I've got to admit Jackel, you held me captivated with this! The style you've used in breaking through the words, worked very well for the sentiments they portrayed, well done!

Best wishes,
/Kit

BirdeeB
Member

since 2000-09-16

Posts 106
USA

3 posted 2000-10-10 01:49 AM

Hey Babe..
I want to write like you.
I admire you so much you have no idea.
I want you to know that..
You are my babe..hehe
Love ya
BirdeeB

"So don't judge me by my failures, only by my dreams" SR71

Butterflies_dont_cry
Member Elite

since 2000-03-06

Posts 3733
Michigan

4 posted 2000-10-10 06:22 AM

The intense feel of this piece was held by the writting pattern and made me look even deeper into what was being written...very cool work!!

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

5 posted 2004-05-16 08:37 PM

this is pretty cool

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