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Open Poetry #10
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My Own
| Open Poetry #10 |
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My Own |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738
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Denial--or just circumstances a lottery of life-- it dances... mockery of changling's chances... still, I'm not my own. A candle burning, circumspect, a heart string's strife, bid for respect, and even though I'm not there yet-- still, I'm on my own. A web of weave so delicate, one single lacy thread... simple heart beats intricate, pumping blood of love's regret.., yet, it is my own. My own. My own. (It is my home.) It's all that I have ever known... a shadow mocking silhouette-- the thing that I have not known yet--- that makes me ache, alone. Fondly, for it is my own... A bass drum beat, depleting bone-- I am the child left home alone in love with laughter's pirouette-- I stake my claim. It is my own. |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
ooooh i love this one... cant sleep either baby  sen this is such a perfect reflection ... and your gift of finding the unique phrasing just gets better and better >A candle burning, circumspect, a heart string's strife, bid for respect, and even though I'm not there yet-- still, I'm on my own. A web of weave so delicate, one single lacy thread... simple heart beats intricate, pumping blood of love's regret.., yet, it is my own. My own. My own. (It is my home.) It's all that I have ever known... a shadow mocking silhouette-- the thing that I have not known yet--- that makes me ache, alone.>> you KNOW I KNOW THAT DAMN ACHE ... ok..me eyes cant winkie no more so Im off to bed... love ya me twin... me |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
Serenity wow a stunning yet heart aching piece, beautifully written, big hug and you are not alone  "an afixiation a fix on anything the line of life the limb of a tree the hands of he and the promise that s/he is blessed among women". Patti Smith |
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Marsha
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423Maidstone Kent England |
Serenity, beautiful, this is so expressive, discriptive. This is written so well, well done. Serenity at least here you're not alone, take care Marsha |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
Serenity, A poem that is truly felt, through your wonderful and descriptive phrasing. Very well done, my talented friend Liz |
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Mark Bohannan Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269In the winds of Cherokee song |
What an ache I have now. For you to share what is YOUR OWN showing your heart well...no way we can't feel your ache. Wonderfully written my friend. Would hugs be appropriate at this time? If so then reach up and grab...there is plenty for you to latch on to. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
My Own Twin--JM--thanks for reading lovie, and good lord, do I owe you an e--been a bizarre weekend even by my standards...lol..after I get some sleep! Thanks ... brian...hugs...so glad you're sticking around...I love your work... Marsha...thanks for the comforting words. You're a doll. Elizabeth...you could just type "nice poem," and I am jazzed for hours...lol...thank you so much, it truly means alot to me. Mark Angelheart--mmm hmmm...Temptation everywhere! *winks* and I think I'll take you up on that offer! HUGS. wait a sec. Come back here. HUGS. (anything worth doing is worth doing twice...) |
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Lone Wolf Member Ascendant
since 2000-03-16
Posts 5842Lansing, MI USA |
Serenity, Such a sense of aching and loss of control here. This one really packs a punch. You know, no matter how it is you always have something of your own my friend. Your claim will prosper I am sure. Great writing!! Lone Wolf Poetry should surprise by fine excess...it should strike the reader as a wording of his own highest thoughts and appear almost a remembrance. -J.Keats |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Serenity~ This is a prideful statement ... and rightfully so ! 'in love with laughter's pirouette-- I stake my claim. It is my own.' Love it~ ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
serenity--You are so uniquely you...so many great lines in this... My own. My own. (It is my home.) It's all that I have ever know Although this poem is full of tangled feeling, the one thing I feel strongest is your claim to yourself...That's great!! Super poem! |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
LW, my new buddy--(I do make friends from the oddest circumstances, as you well know, LOL) HUGS to you and thank you. Mom---it's just about time to own up to all of me, isn't it? So this one was a bit for you, as I looked at everything, and not all of it pretty, but it's what I've got to work with, yes? Love you much, and pssst....you are an awesome lady! (your words change lives) Martie---thank you m'friend...your warmth shines on in all that you do. HUGs. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
You are one awesome lady, serenity! To me this poem shows a lot of pride....and rightfully so. Yur admirer loves it! |
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Ethan Halo Senior Member
since 2000-04-28
Posts 793on the roof again |
my goodness! that was a doozie! i am always impressed by your writings, but i do believe i have a fav. that was a truly wonderful piece o' poetry! i literally read that with my mouth open. i am in awe of your talent. i think, rather than picking a fav line, i do have for you a fav word- circumspect great word. great word. Everyone's got their demons. We all got somethin' to atone for. |
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Rex Allen McCoy Member Elite
since 2000-01-30
Posts 2863Sippin a Timmy's in London |
serenity ... you are truly a gifted writer your pride and tenacity really show here |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Couldn't shuffle off to bed without saying a proper thank you, to three of me favorite guys...Balladeer, ethan, and Rex Allen, I thank you all...Hugs...totally floored by your praise...I feel "hugged"---warm gratitude, g'nite... [This message has been edited by serenity (edited 09-25-2000).] |
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CMGrimm Senior Member
since 2000-02-14
Posts 685USA |
great piece here serenity...love it. chris Never be a carbon copy of anybody...make your own impressions. - ANON. |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Fondly, for it is my own... A bass drum beat, depleting bone-- I am the child left home alone in love with laughter's pirouette-- I stake my claim. It is my own. ------ Yeah.... great great work... "I am what I am and I am proud to be one of my kind!" regards O Serene One, Sudhir. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
A belated thank you to Chris---I appreciate it very much. and omigawd SUDHIR!!! You startled me, dusting this one off!! I'VE MISSED YOU SO! PLEASE SAY YOU'RE GONNA HANG AROUND AWHILE! Warm Hugs to Welcome you home, Sudhir... |
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Robert Joseph Member
since 2000-10-07
Posts 491South Carolina |
A candle burning, circumspect, a heart string's strife, bid for respect, and even though I'm not there yet-- serenity, the words ''bid for respect'' stood out in my mind, I've read over this piece several times and each time, I find another avenue to reflect on. Greatly enjoyed. Robert Joseph |
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Parker Member Elite
since 2000-01-06
Posts 3129ON |
Serenity, wonderful piece. It seem like a poetic guitar song. Slow deep strums, with such an amazing flow. Parker |
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Moon Dust
since 1999-06-11
Posts 2177Skelmersdale, UK |
Love how you conveyed the emotion, lovely Sometimes you have to let go and move on, But never let go of the memories. |
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Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
S'en me girl YOU ROCK!!!!! this is an amazing piece of work!!!!! When I grow up PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZE let the poetry goddess bless me too!!!!!! Love ya! |
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Daniel J D Senior Member
since 2000-10-01
Posts 1471Hillcrest, Queensland, Australia |
Lots of pride here. Words that portray your deepest emotions. What a talent. Respond to my call and let the waves of my heart fill your life with the wonders of love (Daniel J D) |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
...the child left home alone... yes, very nice work here Serenity. I enjoyed every word! |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Wow...wasn't expecting to see this one again---a nice surprise... RJ---Thank you so much! "a bid for respect," yes, I think that's the point of it all, don't you? self-respect, anyway... I'm working on it... Parker--Hmmm. A song? Really? Whaddya think A7/A to C7/C to G? Yep, that's three chords...rofl...I'll keep it in mind tho...love to ya, lovely one Maria--speaking of lovely, thank you for that, I appreciate your reading. Holly--geez, don't ask me, I'm but a goddess-in-training...lol...still being held captive in the workshop! Love ya, lady, e me...or icq? will ya? Daniel--thank you as well...sweet words from you! Drop in anytime. passing shadows---thanking you also m'friend...I enjoy your work also, but have been trying to catch up on reading and replies now for two days!!! hope to be reading yours soon... Love to all...and thanks forum, you've warmed me heart again. |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Back for a dose of Serenity blossoming ! Makes me smile for you, sweet child. It's just nice to know that you are beginning to see who's really there. I call it taking stock ! I love her ... you will too ! ~*Mom*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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Wilfred Yeats Member Elite
since 2000-08-04
Posts 2704Wilmington, Delaware |
I don't have to tell you - when the number gets to 25 - you should know you've written an extraordinary poem - AND YOU HAVE! A most impressive one at that - just take care of #1 - things will get better |
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