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Passions in Poetry

Hope....

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shilpi
Member
since 05-24-2000
Posts 73


0 posted 06-09-2000 02:51 AM       View Profile for shilpi   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for shilpi

HOPE
----------------

Friendship, I never knew
But for you,
Like a gust of wind, a burst of rain
A soft touch, a dash of love, my gain
Filled the forlon remnant.

My pride seemed to vanish,
Along with it my loneliness too,
For pride is a lonely fellow,
Its place, now taken by a chum,
Bursting with happiness and fullness.

So intimate was our friendship,
Sadly, even nature took envy on us,
Shortlived was our togetherness,
Things were never the same,
Life never fair.

An emptiness, long forgotten,
I now remember, the pain returning,
A tear I shed, in memory of you,
For you were my dearest friend,
One I shall never forget.

Your soothing words,
Twinkling eyes,
Silent beauty, calm and serene,
Gives me the hope, we shall meet....again
On a clear and beautiful day.


© Copyright 2000 shilpi - All Rights Reserved
Sudhir Iyer
Member Rara Avis
since 04-26-2000
Posts 7206
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium


1 posted 06-09-2000 03:33 AM       View Profile for Sudhir Iyer   Email Sudhir Iyer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sudhir Iyer

Your soothing words,
Twinkling eyes,
Silent beauty, calm and serene,
Gives me the hope, we shall meet....again
On a clear and beautiful day.
~~~~
nice work, shilpi, I was beginning to wonder where you had disappeard... looks like the wait has paid off rich dividends...

A response poem you can expect in a poem I had posted some time back....titled "Agony of Parting - A good bye message to a friend"

I hope that this gives some additional hope too...

Many regards and have a nice day,
Sudhir

 My heart is pounding, my stomach's inside out
I'm feeling kind-a-shaky, my mind is full of doubt
All I ever think about, is fearing fear itself,
Wish I could unscrew my head and put it on the shelf
Everything is twisted, everything is oh so tight,
Don't know what I'm looking at, the lights are all too bright
My brain's about to crumble, spill out on the floor
Sweep 'em up. Throw 'em away, don't want 'em anymore
Clouds race across the sky, day turns into night,
Still there are the questions, no answers in sight
Everything is twisted, everything is oh so tight,
Starin' out the window, everything is just too bright
Brain's about to crumble, spill out on the floor,
Wish I could unscrew my head, and kick it out the door...
You know I'm feeling kind-a....Strange
You know I'm feeling kind-a....Strange

~ Strange ~ Joe Satriani (Flying in a Blue Dream)
jfreak
Member
since 06-17-99
Posts 311
Yuma, AZ, USA


2 posted 06-09-2000 02:21 PM       View Profile for jfreak   Email jfreak   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for jfreak

Hey there Shilpi,

Don't get offended about what I am about to say.  It was said to me when I first began to post almost two years ago. (A different site)  

I liked how you started off this poem.  Had a nice rhythm and a nice feel to it.  BUT... you really got choppy after the first stanza.  Not saying the poem is bad.  Your idea was clearly stated and there was a couple of times you started to get a steady rhythm back...but then you got jerky again.  That is the only real critique I can give.  Watch out for that in future posts.  Try to maintain somekind of rhythm.  Just makes your poem that much better.  I know with me, I find it hard sometime to follow where the writer is trying to go b/c it seems to me that the writer doesn't really know where he/she wants to go, or doesn't know how to get there.  Know what I mean.  Please don't be angry at me.  I am not commenting on the content...just the format.  I just want to help you in your poetry.  

Jfreak




[This message has been edited by jfreak (edited 06-09-2000).]
brian madden
Member Elite
since 05-06-2000
Posts 4532
ireland


3 posted 06-09-2000 05:35 PM       View Profile for brian madden   Email brian madden   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for brian madden

This is what friendship is,

Friendship, I never knew
But for you,
Like a gust of wind, a burst of rain
A soft touch, a dash of love, my gain
Filled the forlon remnant.

My pride seemed to vanish,
Along with it my loneliness too,
For pride is a lonely fellow,
Its place, now taken by a chum,
Bursting with happiness and fullness.


I don't know what caused the end of the friendship, whatever it is I am sorry that it happened. Thanks for sharing really enjoyed reading this poem.

 ------------------------
"I've been too honest with myself I should have lied like everybody else"-Richey Edwards

"Take nothing but pictures. Leave nothing but footprints. Kill nothing but time".

Baltimore Grotto

"Libraries gave us power
Then work came and made us free
What price now for a shallow piece of dignity"
Nicky Wire, A design for Life.

manic street preachers
"Rock 'n' roll is our epiphany
Culture, alienation, boredom and despair"

"To be nobody-but-yourself-in a world which is doing its best night and day, to make you everybody else - means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting."

E.E Cummings.




[This message has been edited by brian madden (edited 06-09-2000).]
lorilockheart
Member
since 05-06-2000
Posts 206
Alabama


4 posted 06-09-2000 07:53 PM       View Profile for lorilockheart   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for lorilockheart

Shilpi,
First one of yours I've read, and I have to say I liked it.  Look forward to the others.
Lori

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean. Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens. Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance. And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance - I hope you dance.
song by LeeAnn Womack
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
shilpi
Member
since 05-24-2000
Posts 73


5 posted 06-10-2000 07:35 AM       View Profile for shilpi   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for shilpi

Sudhir, hi !! hey, thankx alot for ur comments, but u r exaggerating !!!

Ohh, I'm sorry that I couldn't find that poem you posted.....I know I missed a wonderful one, but I'll keep looking for it !!

Well....a bit busy !! Even if I won't be posting many, I'll make sure I won't miss any of yours and other wonderful poems out here!!

You have a nice day too....and take care

Regards
shilpi
shilpi
Member
since 05-24-2000
Posts 73


6 posted 06-10-2000 07:54 AM       View Profile for shilpi   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for shilpi

Jfreak, a big hello !!!!!!!!!  

Let me first say that I am not offended at all, infact, I am actually thankful for the advice you've given me.....I know exactly what you mean, even I've felt that my poems lack the rhythm...... trying to improve!! Know what, I'd eagerly wait to get your response and advice, for the rest of my posts!!!

Have a nice day,
Regards, shilpi

ps    I really appreciate your help !!  
shilpi
Member
since 05-24-2000
Posts 73


7 posted 06-10-2000 08:01 AM       View Profile for shilpi   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for shilpi

Well, I have just moved, and with that I had to leave that friend of mine, we still keep in touch by mails, but ...you know, it never feels the same ....

Thankyou for reading the poem, Brian !!

Regards,shilpi
shilpi
Member
since 05-24-2000
Posts 73


8 posted 06-10-2000 08:05 AM       View Profile for shilpi   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for shilpi


Lori, I appreciate you taking time off to read the poem !!!

Regards, shilpi
Butterflies_dont_cry
Member Elite
since 03-06-2000
Posts 3768
Michigan


9 posted 06-10-2000 08:12 AM       View Profile for Butterflies_dont_cry   Email Butterflies_dont_cry   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Butterflies_dont_cry

A bittersweet tale of what friendship of the heart and soul brings us upon it's departure and upon the hope of it's return, you have penned the travels vividly.  Thank you for sharing this!
shilpi
Member
since 05-24-2000
Posts 73


10 posted 06-10-2000 08:38 AM       View Profile for shilpi   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for shilpi

Butterflies_dont_cry,

True....I'm still clinging on to the memories  and often wondering how lucky I was to get such a good friend, even if it was for a short while....

Thankyou for the response,
Regards, shilpi
Sudhir Iyer
Member Rara Avis
since 04-26-2000
Posts 7206
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium


11 posted 06-10-2000 10:55 AM       View Profile for Sudhir Iyer   Email Sudhir Iyer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sudhir Iyer

Shilpi,
you are welcome, and no, I am not exaggerating at all...

btw, I will just bring the other one up for you to read...

regards, sudhir

 My heart is pounding, my stomach's inside out
I'm feeling kind-a-shaky, my mind is full of doubt
All I ever think about, is fearing fear itself,
Wish I could unscrew my head and put it on the shelf
Everything is twisted, everything is oh so tight,
Don't know what I'm looking at, the lights are all too bright
My brain's about to crumble, spill out on the floor
Sweep 'em up. Throw 'em away, don't want 'em anymore
Clouds race across the sky, day turns into night,
Still there are the questions, no answers in sight
Everything is twisted, everything is oh so tight,
Starin' out the window, everything is just too bright
Brain's about to crumble, spill out on the floor,
Wish I could unscrew my head, and kick it out the door...
You know I'm feeling kind-a....Strange
You know I'm feeling kind-a....Strange

~ Strange ~ Joe Satriani (Flying in a Blue Dream)


[This message has been edited by Sudhir Iyer (edited 06-10-2000).]
Corinne
Member Ascendant
since 10-28-1999
Posts 5247
state of confusion


12 posted 06-10-2000 11:48 AM       View Profile for Corinne   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Corinne

How sad life can be, told wonderfully here.

Corinne
shilpi
Member
since 05-24-2000
Posts 73


13 posted 06-11-2000 03:58 AM       View Profile for shilpi   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for shilpi

Sudhir, I'm about to read your poem.....thankx !!

Corinne, i appreciate your response.

regards, shilpi
Trew
Member
since 06-10-2000
Posts 371
Ottawa, Canada


14 posted 06-11-2000 04:36 AM       View Profile for Trew   Email Trew   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Trew

Shilpi,

A fine tribute to someone who must have been a fine friend.
I look forward to more.

Trew.

 I have been to see the world. Tasted life at every turn.
And all the time your face came back to haunt me.
-Chris DeBurgh
 
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