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Passions in Poetry

In response to Sven's Poetic Joust Challenge (Love Someone)

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ethome
Member Patricius
since 05-14-2000
Posts 11545
New Brunswick Canada


0 posted 06-08-2000 01:25 PM       View Profile for ethome   Email ethome   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit ethome's Home Page   View IP for ethome


She dressed straight up and elite
but she masked a hidden grief.
She was moving fast forcing her laugh
too much smoke with her heat.
Like desire that's gone mad
her soul was never still
but my dry eyes she unclad
and kept my bent heart thrilled.

I knew she owed her life's cares
to a man that was married
but he kept her dreams so impaired
she'd smile a smile so weary
and she longed to speak with a voice
where she could show off her respect
but she never got to make the choice
and she suffered from neglect.

One night on my old house boat she said;
I just want to love someone
I've got to change my scene.
I just want to love someone
who'll give their heart to me.
I just want to love someone
I want to love them day and night.
I just want to love someone
cause my heart's not working right.

So I'd try to stroke her sore heart chords
and ease the pain she'd reaped.
but she'd turn off as I was getting close
and stare away from me.
I could hear her heart when we'd begin
my slow hands would shake her voice
and I'd speak soft cares to give her room
but distance was her choice.

Then we met one night on the old house boat
her face was blank unsure.
so we sat on the deck and she let it out
like rain her heart thoughts poured
and the mind she spilled gave me a chill
and I could feel her childlike hopes,
She said she had a new dream to fill
but she looked so down and out.

So I asked how her dream would happen
because I knew she'd come so clean.
And she said she'd left the empty mess
to take a chance on me.
She said she was tired and lonely
and that she'd give her heart to me
and if we became like one and only
she'd bring new life to me.
Well, she looked so pure and simple
that I took her in my arms
and in my ear she whispered gentle
with a voice so damned disarmed.

I just want to love someone
I had to change my scene.
I just want to love someone
who'll give their heart to me.
I just want to love someone
I want to love them day and night
I just want to love someone
cause my heart's not working right.

That was the day she came to stay!

Celtrue2000@E3B1G9
© Copyright 2000 Eric Lewis True - All Rights Reserved
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


1 posted 06-08-2000 02:08 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

OH MAN!!
This poem IS AWESOME...
I adore this poem!!
-----------
too much smoke with her heat.
Like desire that's gone mad
her soul was never still
but my dry eyes she unclad
and kept my bent heart thrilled.
-----------
and she longed to speak with a voice
where she could show off her respect
but she never got to make the choice
and she suffered from neglect.
-----------
my slow hands would shake her voice
and I'd speak soft cares to give her room
but distance was her choice.
------------
And she said she'd left the empty mess
to take a chance on me.
She said she was tired and lonely
and that she'd give her heart to me
and if we became like one and only
she'd bring new life to me.
Well, she looked so pure and simple
that I took her in my arms
and in my ear she whispered gentle
with a voice so damned disarmed.
-------------
this is EXCELLENT
written from the deepest part of a heart...
very very well written and expressed emotions
you have written my heart and me in parts of this perfect poem...
thank you for the things it made me feel
when I read it.
take care, jm



 I think I could need - this in my life
I think I'm just scared - that I know too much
I can't relate and that's a problem
I'm feeling ...
If you're gone - maybe it's time to go home
There's an awful lot of breathing room
But I can hardly move
If you're gone - baby you need to come home
cuz there's a little bit of something me...
In everything in you.
~MB20~

"What the caterpillar calls the end ...
The world calls a butterfly"
~Lao Tze Tao~
~Butterflies are meant to be free~

Sudhir Iyer
Member Rara Avis
since 04-26-2000
Posts 7206
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium


2 posted 06-08-2000 04:14 PM       View Profile for Sudhir Iyer   Email Sudhir Iyer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sudhir Iyer

Great Work, ethome, you deserve a full round of applause for this one!!!
Challenge well, met... Is sven watching??

Regards, sudhir

 Hey you, out there in the cold,
Getting lonely, getting old, can you feel me?
Hey you, standing in the aisle,
With itchy feet and fading smile, can you feel me?
Hey you, don't help them to bury the light.
Don't give in without a fight.
Hey you, out there on your own,
Sitting naked by the phone, would you touch me?
Hey you, with your ear against the wall,
Waiting for someone to call out, would you touch me?
Hey you, would you help me to carry the stone?
Open your heart, I'm coming home....

by Roger Waters (Pink Floyd) - The Wall
Aimster
Member Elite
since 02-19-2000
Posts 4367
Charlotte, NC


3 posted 06-08-2000 09:18 PM       View Profile for Aimster   Email Aimster   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Aimster

wow! i read this ten minutes ago
and my head is still spinning from it.
now if this isn't romantic poetry...
than i don't know what is. in my book
challenge more than met. EXCELLENT!
amy  


 "Don't be dismayed at goodbyes. A farewell is before you can meet again. And meeting again after a moment or a lifetime is certain for those who are friends."

"Fate exists but it can only take you so far,
Because once you're there
It's up to you to make it happen."



Sven
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 11-23-1999
Posts 15611
Lansing, MI USA


4 posted 06-08-2000 11:05 PM       View Profile for Sven   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sven

*Sven tips his lance to etpoet*

This is excellent my friend.  You have really captured a moment here. . . one that I feel plays in your mind day after day. . .

Excellent!!!  Superb!!!

Gentlemen, etpoet has penned a heartfelt and touching poem here. . .do you have what it takes to match it??

We await your replies!!!

------------------------------------------------------------




 That which gives light must endure burning
--Victor Frankl

Rosebud1229
Senior Member
since 04-05-2000
Posts 1829
North Carolina


5 posted 06-08-2000 11:13 PM       View Profile for Rosebud1229   Email Rosebud1229   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Rosebud1229

ethome, what's not to love I loved every single line. Especially when you said. He strokes her heart chords how absolutely beautiful. The strings of love.
A Romantic Heart
Member Ascendant
since 09-03-99
Posts 5497
Forever In Your Heart


6 posted 06-09-2000 02:33 AM       View Profile for A Romantic Heart   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for A Romantic Heart

This fair maiden is awaiting for part two..to see what you will do,
To write a poem from loving her,
From your point of view,
Written from the heart,
always makes a great start  

[This message has been edited by A Romantic Heart (edited 06-09-2000).]
Colin
Senior Member
since 06-05-99
Posts 612
Callington, Cornwall, England


7 posted 06-09-2000 05:08 AM       View Profile for Colin   Email Colin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Colin

*Bowing with a flourish and a sweep of the hat* Bravely fought Sir! I love a happy ending  

Eric
netswan
Senior Member
since 03-28-2000
Posts 1395
Washington


8 posted 06-09-2000 05:16 AM       View Profile for netswan   Email netswan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit netswan's Home Page   View IP for netswan

oooh lovely poem Ethone -- what fun this
jousting contest is.  Such gentleness in
this poem.  Just sweet

`netswan
JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 11-16-1999
Posts 31622
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA


9 posted 06-09-2000 05:33 AM       View Profile for JamesMichael   Email JamesMichael   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for JamesMichael

"I just want to love someone who'll give their heart to me"."   Man can I relate to this.  I have such a need and a desire to fulfil those words.    James
Butterflies_dont_cry
Member Elite
since 03-06-2000
Posts 3768
Michigan


10 posted 06-09-2000 08:00 AM       View Profile for Butterflies_dont_cry   Email Butterflies_dont_cry   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Butterflies_dont_cry

Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!  I love this one!!!!
Through your words you broke the chains
and set free the wings of hope and Love
this is exquistite work Sir!!!!


I knew she owed her life's cares
to a man that was married
but he kept her dreams so impaired

So I'd try to stroke her sore heart chords
and ease the pain she'd reaped.
but she'd turn off as I was getting close
and stare away from me.

so we sat on the deck and she let it out
like rain her heart thoughts poured
and the mind she spilled gave me a chill
and I could feel her childlike hopes,

She said she was tired and lonely
and that she'd give her heart to me
and if we became like one and only
she'd bring new life to me.


OOOOOhhhhhh what a beautiful weave!!!
ethome
Member Patricius
since 05-14-2000
Posts 11545
New Brunswick Canada


11 posted 06-09-2000 03:29 PM       View Profile for ethome   Email ethome   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit ethome's Home Page   View IP for ethome

I would like to thank everyone for the fine words of appreciation and upbuilding encouragement.

Thank you Janet Marie for your words from the deepest part of the heart and that I have written your heart and you in parts of this perfect poem. I've read your work on this board and I consider it quite a compliment.

Thank you Sudhir lyer for your round of applause. Keep your fine words flowing.

And to you Amy I say that it was my intention to make this a romantic work with the truth of life involved. Thank you.

Netswan how glad I am that you are enjoying the results of this challenge. Thank you for taking time to read.

James I know you can feel the reality of those lines
I just want to love someone
who'll give their heart to me.
This has always been a two way street this love game and I am glad you recognized that, knowing like I do that we are all so vulnerable - Thanks so much!

Butterflies_don't cry_ I appreciate your comments so much. Please accept my thanks once again for using the word exquisite, I feel so moved and taken with your "broke the chains and set free the wings of hope and love.

Sven, thank you for tipping your hat to me I consider that a tremendous compliment.

Rosebud I'm glad you liked the lines about heart chords, it's one of my favourite too. Thank you.

A Romantic Heart - I have'nt given much thought to writing about the point of view of loving her but it does create some desire to do so. I'll look into that the same as I will look in on you from time to time.

Eric thanks for the bow! I bow back to you also as another fine knight of word deeds.

 
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 09-21-1999
Posts 28608
California


12 posted 06-09-2000 04:26 PM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

ethome--Wonderful!!  I was captivated by the scene that you painted with your words...so honest it seemed and human...touched my heart, it did...thank you!
Dr.Moose1
Member Elite
since 09-05-99
Posts 3505
Bewilderment , USA


13 posted 06-09-2000 05:11 PM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

Truly outstanding , you have captured something here .
Doc
ethome
Member Patricius
since 05-14-2000
Posts 11545
New Brunswick Canada


14 posted 06-09-2000 07:27 PM       View Profile for ethome   Email ethome   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit ethome's Home Page   View IP for ethome

Many thanks to you Martie and Doc for your kind words, truly appreciated.
tracie66
Member Elite
since 01-18-2000
Posts 4587
Victoria, Australia


15 posted 06-09-2000 09:13 PM       View Profile for tracie66   Email tracie66   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit tracie66's Home Page   View IP for tracie66

Oh you have captured my heart with this truly wonderful piece.
It's starts off sad but ends with a happy note, every woman loves those kind of endings  

Tracie~


 Love is the life of the soul...
It is the harmony of the universe


A Romantic Heart
Member Ascendant
since 09-03-99
Posts 5497
Forever In Your Heart


16 posted 06-09-2000 09:21 PM       View Profile for A Romantic Heart   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for A Romantic Heart

ethome...thats another challenge, a challenge I will hold you to...to look me up from time to time I'll be looking for you;0
ethome
Member Patricius
since 05-14-2000
Posts 11545
New Brunswick Canada


17 posted 06-10-2000 04:08 AM       View Profile for ethome   Email ethome   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit ethome's Home Page   View IP for ethome

Thank you Tracie such kind words.

Thank you O I will be visiting. I will take that challenge - ethome
X Angel
Senior Member
since 11-07-1999
Posts 1592
Oregon


18 posted 06-11-2000 09:15 AM       View Profile for X Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for X Angel

Very good!

*bump* right back to the top!!!

~Heather
 
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