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Passions in Poetry

For Sven's Poetic Joust challenge - Attempt 1

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Sudhir Iyer
Member Rara Avis
since 04-26-2000
Posts 7206
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium


0 posted 06-08-2000 06:10 AM       View Profile for Sudhir Iyer   Email Sudhir Iyer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Sudhir Iyer

Sven, I have spend an initial force in this challenge, more might emerge, if I feel up to it. I am not good at writing, leave alone romantic pieces, but this will have to do for now...

Sincere regards... Lets me be judged...

Lets just call it...

An enigmatic Q&A session
---------------------------

If only I could find a way,
To show how you brighten my day.
Would you then not join me, hand in hand?
To view bright horizons, as we stand

If only I could bring to light,
How you fill my dreams at night.
Would you then not want to look?
Beautiful pictures of you, my heart took

If only I could be of worth,
to this life you’ve filled with mirth.
Would you then not join me in fun?
Together into the sunset, we could run

If only I could be of strength,
To lift your spirits when you’re spent.
Would you then not let me caress?
Gently with due finesse, to rid you of your weariness.

If only I could know your fears,
To fight them for you, remove your tears.
Would you then not let me wield the sword?
With all my might, I will keep my word.

If only I could know your happiness,
to fill your life with sweet tenderness.
Would you then not share with me your joy?
Little gifts like rose petals, to let you happy and coy.

If only I could forever provide,
what you seek, in heart, deep inside.
Would you then not accept this present from my heart?
This blooming love, in my soul! My sole precious part!

If only I could split myself in two,
to always gift a part of me… to you…
Would you then not keep the half, closest to your heart?
Mould it into your angel heart, be my better half, a touch of art.

If only I could,
I would.
If you could,
Would you?

-------------

Like always, I am waiting for answers.....


 Hey you, out there in the cold,
Getting lonely, getting old, can you feel me?
Hey you, standing in the aisle,
With itchy feet and fading smile, can you feel me?
Hey you, don't help them to bury the light.
Don't give in without a fight.
Hey you, out there on your own,
Sitting naked by the phone, would you touch me?
Hey you, with your ear against the wall,
Waiting for someone to call out, would you touch me?
Hey you, would you help me to carry the stone?
Open your heart, I'm coming home....

by Roger Waters (Pink Floyd) - The Wall
© Copyright 2000 Sudhir Iyer - All Rights Reserved
tracie66
Member Elite
since 01-18-2000
Posts 4587
Victoria, Australia


1 posted 06-08-2000 06:17 AM       View Profile for tracie66   Email tracie66   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit tracie66's Home Page   View IP for tracie66

WOW and double WOW WOW   wonderful dear friend. Sent me in a spin and my heart in a flutter.
You've done well and answered the challenge ten fold, well done!!
Sven will be pleased  
Tracie~


 Love is the life of the soul...
It is the harmony of the universe


Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 04-30-2000
Posts 16920
Ontario, Canada


2 posted 06-08-2000 06:43 AM       View Profile for Kit McCallum   Email Kit McCallum   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kit McCallum

"If only I could be of strength,
To lift your spirits when you’re spent.
Would you then not let me caress?
Gently with due finesse, to rid you of your weariness."

WOW too!  Challenge exceedingly well met Sudhir!  Your DO have a wonderfully romantic heart ... VERY well done!!!  

Best wishes,
/Kit
Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 11-06-1999
Posts 43042
Florida's Foreverly Shores


3 posted 06-08-2000 06:43 AM       View Profile for Marge Tindal   Email Marge Tindal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marge Tindal's Home Page   View IP for Marge Tindal

Sudhir~
Romantic, yes !
Enjoyed the read.
~*Marge*~


 ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

EagleOne
Member Elite
since 03-07-2000
Posts 2858
Between a laugh and a tear...


4 posted 06-08-2000 06:45 AM       View Profile for EagleOne   Email EagleOne   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for EagleOne

Indeed you have well and truly answered the challenge. I may well put away my pencils and sit this one out. Well Done!

 God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me. ~Unknown


lotharingia
Senior Member
since 06-04-2000
Posts 895
saarbruecken, Germany


5 posted 06-08-2000 07:11 AM       View Profile for lotharingia   Email lotharingia   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit lotharingia's Home Page   View IP for lotharingia

Really nice. Lovely. Everyone wants a poem like that written just for them I'm sure!

 Uta Lotharingia
"Wir wollen nicht Wert und Sinn ... wir wollen Unwert und Unsinn"
Raoul Hausmann
Sudhir Iyer
Member Rara Avis
since 04-26-2000
Posts 7206
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium


6 posted 06-08-2000 11:38 AM       View Profile for Sudhir Iyer   Email Sudhir Iyer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sudhir Iyer

Tracie, Kit, Marge, EagleOne, lotharingia ,
You people have made me feel proud to have posted this one with your wonderful remarks.

Thank you!!!

I am really sorry not to address you all separately, but time is short, and I am in a huge rush. Work pays sometimes, but makes one pay always....

Once again, heart-felt thanks for reading and posting,
Sincere regards,
Sudhir.


[This message has been edited by Sudhir Iyer (edited 06-08-2000).]
Sudhir Iyer
Member Rara Avis
since 04-26-2000
Posts 7206
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium


7 posted 06-08-2000 11:35 PM       View Profile for Sudhir Iyer   Email Sudhir Iyer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sudhir Iyer

Sven, did you read this as yet?
Did I really somewhere get?
These questions bother me often,
After this response to the challenge has been written.


Sven
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 11-23-1999
Posts 15611
Lansing, MI USA


8 posted 06-08-2000 11:59 PM       View Profile for Sven   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sven

Sudhir,
       You have done well here brave Knight!
       Your poem was a wonder and delight!
       Your tale straight from your heart
       Has given this challenge a great start!


Well done Brave Knight!!!!

Gentlemen, Sudhir has penned a tale of devotion and love. . . will you match it???

--------------------------------------------------------------


 That which gives light must endure burning
--Victor Frankl

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


9 posted 06-09-2000 12:02 AM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

Would you then not join me, hand in hand?
To view bright horizons, as we stand

If only I could bring to light,
How you fill my dreams at night.
Would you then not want to look?
Beautiful pictures of you, my heart took
------------
If only I could be of strength,
To lift your spirits when you’re spent.
Would you then not let me caress?
Gently with due finesse, to rid you of your weariness.
----------
If only I could split myself in two,
to always gift a part of me… to you…
Would you then not keep the half, closest to your heart?
Mould it into your angel heart, be my better half, a touch of art.

If only I could,
I would.
If you could,
Would you?
-----------------
YES I COULD
YES I WOULD
YES WE SHOULD
LOL LOL
WOW SUD,
honeychild you dont need Sven to tell ya  nothing...
Im here to tell ya this is EXCELLENT!!
there are some AMAZING lines in that poem
you keep writing like that and your gonna
have to beat the maidens off with a stick LOL

>Beautiful pictures of you, my heart took<
wow what a line.
later-romatic gator
jm
A Romantic Heart
Member Ascendant
since 09-03-99
Posts 5497
Forever In Your Heart


10 posted 06-09-2000 02:30 AM       View Profile for A Romantic Heart   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for A Romantic Heart

To look nside this brave knights heart,
Was beautiful pictures of a loves start,
To see thy body willing tore apart,
For a gift, gives my heart a lift,
Ths far maiden was impressed, can't wait until I read the rest of this poetic Joust!.....(These were my favorite lines)Little gifts like rose petals, to let you happy and coy.

If only I could forever provide,
what you seek, in heart, deep inside.
Would you then not accept this present from my heart?
This blooming love, in my soul! My sole precious part!

If only I could split myself in two,
to always gift a part of me… to you…
Would you then not keep the half, closest to your heart?
Mould it into your angel heart, be my better half, a touch of art.

If only I could,

Colin
Senior Member
since 06-05-99
Posts 612
Callington, Cornwall, England


11 posted 06-09-2000 05:04 AM       View Profile for Colin   Email Colin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Colin

Bravely fought and beautifully written Sir Sudhir. A worthy opponent indeed  

Eric.
Butterflies_dont_cry
Member Elite
since 03-06-2000
Posts 3768
Michigan


12 posted 06-09-2000 08:05 AM       View Profile for Butterflies_dont_cry   Email Butterflies_dont_cry   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Butterflies_dont_cry

WoW!!! What a beautiful
walk with love and hope
and the gift of "self"
I loved this!!! You have
done yourself proud with
this challenge!!! You have
us SWOOOOOOOOONING!!!!
Lost Dreamer
Member Elite
since 06-20-99
Posts 2589
Normal, Illinois


13 posted 06-09-2000 10:02 AM       View Profile for Lost Dreamer   Email Lost Dreamer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Lost Dreamer

Excellent writing, I enjoyed.  
Sudhir Iyer
Member Rara Avis
since 04-26-2000
Posts 7206
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium


14 posted 06-09-2000 11:35 AM       View Profile for Sudhir Iyer   Email Sudhir Iyer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sudhir Iyer

Sven, Thank you for your recommendations here! This was most satisfying...

Janet, Thanks, thanks, thanks a lot,
You have poured praises from a golden pot...
I feel extremely glad to have written this one...

A Romantic Heart, how much more romantic than you can one get, the one with a romantic heart? Thank you for reading and very glad that you enjoyed...

Eric, is it a fight, my friend? or just a display of armoury? or ist it but an empty dream... well, challenge or not, this was quite an amount of fun, atleast I have a reason to smile after being called a worthy opponent...Thank you very much.

Butterfly, Thanks for reading and posting, do I really have you swooning like in SWOOOONING, wow that is such a precious gift in itself, the feeling that you are letting me have... Thanks a lot....

Lost Dreamer, thanks for reading and I am pleased to know that you enjoyed this one...

Lots of love to all of you, and
Many regards as a weekend come up,
Sudhir...
Getting back to some music now and shutting up my big mouth...



 My heart is pounding, my stomach's inside out
I'm feeling kind-a-shaky, my mind is full of doubt
All I ever think about, is fearing fear itself,
Wish I could unscrew my head and put it on the shelf
Everything is twisted, everything is oh so tight,
Don't know what I'm looking at, the lights are all too bright
My brain's about to crumble, spill out on the floor
Sweep 'em up. Throw 'em away, don't want 'em anymore
Clouds race across the sky, day turns into night,
Still there are the questions, no answers in sight
Everything is twisted, everything is oh so tight,
Starin' out the window, everything is just too bright
Brain's about to crumble, spill out on the floor,
Wish I could unscrew my head, and kick it out the door...
You know I'm feeling kind-a....Strange
You know I'm feeling kind-a....Strange

~ Strange ~ Joe Satriani (Flying in a Blue Dream)
Aimster
Member Elite
since 02-19-2000
Posts 4367
Charlotte, NC


15 posted 06-09-2000 11:43 AM       View Profile for Aimster   Email Aimster   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Aimster

~Sudhir
SIGH! *BIG SMILE* This was wow...this
was soo romantic. Boy you need to be
slapped, think you can't write. Please
this is probably the most romantic
one i've read as of yet. i'd say stop
worrying about what sven thinks lol
and do as Jan says...keep making us
fair ladies swoon. you sure are doing one
heck of a job my friend!
take care.
amy  

 "Don't be dismayed at goodbyes. A farewell is before you can meet again. And meeting again after a moment or a lifetime is certain for those who are friends."

"Fate exists but it can only take you so far,
Because once you're there
It's up to you to make it happen."



Sudhir Iyer
Member Rara Avis
since 04-26-2000
Posts 7206
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium


16 posted 06-09-2000 03:18 PM       View Profile for Sudhir Iyer   Email Sudhir Iyer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sudhir Iyer

Amy, my friend, you are so very kind.

Thank You for everything.

I   cos you smiled and I stand gratified...

most sincere regards, sudhir.

 My heart is pounding, my stomach's inside out
I'm feeling kind-a-shaky, my mind is full of doubt
All I ever think about, is fearing fear itself,
Wish I could unscrew my head and put it on the shelf
Everything is twisted, everything is oh so tight,
Don't know what I'm looking at, the lights are all too bright
My brain's about to crumble, spill out on the floor
Sweep 'em up. Throw 'em away, don't want 'em anymore
Clouds race across the sky, day turns into night,
Still there are the questions, no answers in sight
Everything is twisted, everything is oh so tight,
Starin' out the window, everything is just too bright
Brain's about to crumble, spill out on the floor,
Wish I could unscrew my head, and kick it out the door...
You know I'm feeling kind-a....Strange
You know I'm feeling kind-a....Strange

~ Strange ~ Joe Satriani (Flying in a Blue Dream)


[This message has been edited by Sudhir Iyer (edited 06-09-2000).]
ethome
Member Patricius
since 05-14-2000
Posts 11545
New Brunswick Canada


17 posted 06-09-2000 03:56 PM       View Profile for ethome   Email ethome   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit ethome's Home Page   View IP for ethome

Great answer to the challenge Sudhir beautifully crafted and presented. I'm glad to joust with such a worthy opponent my friend! Very nice work!

 
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 09-21-1999
Posts 28608
California


18 posted 06-09-2000 04:19 PM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

A very beautiful love poem, Sudhir.
Dr.Moose1
Member Elite
since 09-05-99
Posts 3505
Bewilderment , USA


19 posted 06-09-2000 05:17 PM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

Sudhir,
As too from all above ,
you know what you speak of love.
Doc
nando
Member
since 06-09-2000
Posts 90
Vaxjo, Smaland, Sweden


20 posted 06-09-2000 06:38 PM       View Profile for nando   Email nando   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nando

The words of a true romantic...

As certain as the snow falls in december (at least here in Sweden) so will your poems someday melt a womans heart if they haven´t allready done that...

Keep aiming for the stars my new friend, they´re not out of reach....

-nando-


 Ask me how to live your life, and this to you I´ll say: make your choises true and wise, so that when tomorrow will arise, you´ll smile at yesterday...
Sudhir Iyer
Member Rara Avis
since 04-26-2000
Posts 7206
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium


21 posted 06-10-2000 11:04 AM       View Profile for Sudhir Iyer   Email Sudhir Iyer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sudhir Iyer

ethome,
Thank your for your kind words and for reading this poem...

Martie,
Thank you...since love is beautiful, love poems also deserve to be, don't they???

Dr. Moose1,
Thanks for reading, thanks a lot...

nando,
Thanks a lot, these words from you, I wish they come true one day...

Thanks again, all of your beautiful and lovely people...

Regards, sudhir

 
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