Alas...me muse is again making me beg for every line...*sigh*
repost from DP
~A Portrait of Complacency~
She starts her day...the exact same way...
drowsily stumbling down the hall,
2 cups of coffee, 2 antidepressants, and 2 Tylenol.
Still unsure of exactly just when ... she lost complete control,
not realizing the pain of the past had finally taken its toll.
She consoles herself with the all too often release of her tears...
but crying alone cant bring her back--from too many losses in too few years.
So she sits and stares out the window ... for hours upon end...
and in her journal she writes love letters ...that she will never send.
There was a time when she had tasted love's sweet intensity ...
but that too was taken away ...
so many things seem--simply just not meant to be.
She holds on to his memory, a treasured secret she will never share,
She learned a long time ago...her life would never be fair.
She's never been a beauty...no ones fantasy or dream--
still she was intriguing, like the butterfly tattoo on her breast, so few had ever seen.
Many were drawn to her, sensing the depth of her need and desire,
but this kind of love is hard to hold, and eventually they too would tire.
Content to be alone, she exchanges company for creating her words of rhyme,
she writes in her diary for hours, completely unaware of the passing of time.
She has always had this gift ...
of being able to capture in ink-her hearts many expressions.
With in the journal pages lie a view into her soul and hearts true confession.
Inspiration now momentarily lost, to her mind desperately needing rest...
another day gone, seemingly without a trace...getting thru the night, her next test.
She'll end this day...the exact same way...
exhausted, she'll stumble back down the hall...
2 shots of gin, 2 sleeping pills, and 2 more Tylenol.
If sleep comes she will accept it, if not she will be fine...
she'll write in her journal by candle, begging inspiration for more verse and rhyme.
Don't feel too sorry for her, the poetry has kept her alive and sane.
She is content here inside herself...she prays that tomorrow will be the same.
Janet Marie 2/25/00
This was the result of an assignment from a writing workshop I took recently. The goal was to describe an image of something very drab or void of color and scenery... to give a sense of the mundane or boring, but to include emotions. We were to use as few "colorful" or descriptive adjectives as possible.
I just want to say, this is not a true reflection of me, while much of "Me" is woven in the emotions, this is not a self portrait...but I am always aware, but for the grace of God and my writing...it could be...(smile)
take care, Janet Marie
now where did I put that Tylenol...
I think I could need - this in my life
I think I'm just scared - that I know too much
I can't relate and that's a problem
I'm feeling ...
If you're gone - maybe it's time to go home
There's an awful lot of breathing room
But I can hardly move
If you're gone - baby you need to come home
cuz there's a little bit of something me...
In everything in you.
"What the caterpillar calls the end ...
The world calls a butterfly"
~Lao Tze Tao~
~Butterflies are meant to be free~
[This message has been edited by Janet Marie (edited 06-07-2000).]